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Joined: 20 Aug 2016
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Posts: 366
Location: Finland

01 Feb 2017, 4:27 am

Some time ago, I was introduced to the concept of demisexuality by complete chance. Without going into excessive detail, I stumbled upon a picture on Facebook where it said "INFJs are demisexuals", followed by a definition of the term.

Quoting an article I found (link to the full thing is below for those interested):

Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which someone feels sexual attraction only to people with whom they have an emotional bond. Most demisexuals feel sexual attraction rarely compared to the general population, and some have little to no interest in sexual activity.

Over the past week or so, I've been giving a lot of thought as to whether I am a demisexual or not. Something tells me that I might well be, but at the same time, something else tells me I might not.

To go into more detail, I've had crushes on numerous girls throughout my life. I thought they were crushes anyway - but as I've recently come to realize, most of them were in fact not crushes at all. Or if they were, they were nowhere near as strong as the crush I had on a girl I met online last summer, which was my first (and probably only) serious crush. By the time I found out I felt that attraction towards her, we'd already established a relatively close friendship.

On the other hand, though, demisexuality is closely linked with asexuality according to the article, and I wouldn't call myself an asexual. If anything, I'd say my interest in sex is on a more or less normal level. Well, with the possible exception of not being so interested as to want/be able to have sex with complete strangers. Then again, the article does state that there are demisexuals who aren't completely uninterested in sex.

Anyone else recognize themselves from this description? Thoughts?

Full article: ... sexuality/

“They laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at them because they're all the same.”
― Kurt Cobain


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Joined: 9 Jan 2014
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,183

01 Feb 2017, 4:47 pm

I can sort of relate because I don't feel attracted to very many people. I usually can only feel attracted to 1 or 2 guys at a time. Just about the only dating experience I've had is guys who I met online that I didn't know very well and when I meet up with them I rarely feel attracted to them. When I like someone though the attraction is pretty strong so I'm pretty sure I'm not asexual.

I also have crushes on people who I don't know very well though and it sounds like you have to have a strong emotional connection to be attracted to someone if you're demisexual. Most of the crushes I've had are people who I feel like I can relate to though because they might act similar to me or because they might be going through the same things I'm going through. I also sometimes become attracted to guys when they tell me about their problems or struggles themselves. Vulnerability is just really attractive to me.