Men's thread:when she never initiates communication

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The_Face_of_Boo
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13 Oct 2016, 5:22 pm

This is a first in a serie of threads for men.

Guys,don't listen to what people say. If a girl *never* initiates conversation then she is not interested. And It's important to emphasize on the word *never*.

Don't waste your time on her. I have never known ANY girl who has been interested and does not want to initiate conversation.

As a matter of fact, girl who is interested will create excuses so that she can initiate conversation with a legitimate reason.



AspergianMutantt
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13 Oct 2016, 5:33 pm

Most women hardly ever initiate, they do not want to deal with the rejection, its better to give then receive.

And if you notice, many complain about the losers and the creeps and etc hitting on them, except for when its someone they find attractive.

And the more attractive you make them feel, the more likely they will dump you for someone new feeling your just optional when they become discontent with you.


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Last edited by AspergianMutantt on 13 Oct 2016, 5:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Pravda
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13 Oct 2016, 5:35 pm

Agreed with the OP.

She might be shy, if so it'll take a while for her to open up. The non-verbal cues that she's interested here can be really hard for us to pick up on, which is unfortunate because shy types are more likely to be understanding of ASD. The only advice I have here is to be open about being ND, she'll probably recognize the "issues with non-verbal cues" trait. Then if she's interested, or if she wants to make it clear that she's not, she might be more verbally open than otherwise.

But if you've been talking for a few weeks and it's always you texting or IMing her, or always you sparking a conversation when you see her in class/at work? Yeah. She's not interested.


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Bridgette77
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13 Oct 2016, 10:32 pm

I agree. After all, I did this exact thing. I made excuses to go talk to him. So, if a woman's not ever initiating, then Boo is right; she's not interested.



The_Face_of_Boo
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14 Oct 2016, 3:45 am

Yes.

If a girl:

- Never crossed the room to say hi to you.

Or

- Never double-clicked or tapped on your name (on phone or PC) to send you a hello.


Then she was never interested.



racheypie666
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14 Oct 2016, 4:27 am

I agree with this; even I would start a conversation with somebody if I liked them, and I don't normally do conversation.

Unfortunately I'm using this non-conversational strategy with a person I'm not interested in (I already told him explicitly, but he ignored me), and he thinks that my lack of initiating conversation/messaging is because I'm autistic. So he keeps pressing on; I wish he would take this thread's advice and take the hint :? .



The_Face_of_Boo
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14 Oct 2016, 5:15 am

That's because some input from women confuse men -

For example in this thread:
https://www.quora.com/If-a-girl-never-t ... interested

You seem posts like from both genders like:

Quote:
No, it doesn't mean that. Girls are told from a young age that guys like the chase, so we should not make the first move and should not text them first. I know a number of girls who will not text a guy first until they are in a relationship, because at that point, the girl doesn't think she needs to make the guy chase her anymore.

A better way to tell if she's not interested? When you text her, ask her open ended questions such as "How is your day going?" instead of "Are you having a good day?" and see how much she responds with. If she just says "Good." then maybe she isn't interested. If she elaborates a little and asks you the same question in return, perhaps she is.

I am not advocating reading into text messages too much, you really need to get together and read her body language, but if you rely on texting, perhaps pay more attention to her responses and not the fact that she leaves initiating conversations to you.



But honestly? I don't believe them, and I don't believe the women who claim like the above is that what they do in real life, I don't believe that they've never initiated any contact with the the guys they admired.

They are just repeating clichés things but I am pretty sure it's not what they apply in life.



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14 Oct 2016, 2:05 pm

Well, why would anyone expect that kind of input to be helpful in the first place? Sexual selection is about filtering out those who aren't up to snuff—if you're having trouble, you're meant to have it, so there's no point in helping you. By helping us, women would only be helping us deceive them.


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0_equals_true
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14 Oct 2016, 2:41 pm

Spiderpig wrote:
Well, why would anyone expect that kind of input to be helpful in the first place? Sexual selection is about filtering out those who aren't up to snuff—if you're having trouble, you're meant to have it, so there's no point in helping you. By helping us, women would only be helping us deceive them.


There is no moral high ground in sexual selection.

Note: Humans require a variety of different types of persons in their societies for them to function, which why selection is so varied. The redictist idea of sexual selection is flawed.

Sexual selection in humans is based on personality. Some nature and some nature.

It is also based on who you say or do.

If you call this deception, then you are conceding a moral victory that is undeserved.

If someone was "deceived" by charm, then inherently they have something in them that finds that appealing. It is part of being in a relationship to accommodate some likes and dislikes. It is not "deception" if it is mutually beneficial.

You will find it hard to find people who like only cynicism. Some people like bit of cynicism, coupled with wit. Cynicism on its own implies that it will be hard work to be around, and they might feel dragged down or feel they have to carry them emotionally. Perhaps they wouldn't want to see in themselves what you see in yourself. Empathy can be powerful, and doesn't always work in a positive way.

You can be realistic and cynical just give them some other dimension. Some self respect. Like good 'ole George Carlin would say "I don't give a f**k", say it with confidence.



The_Face_of_Boo
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14 Oct 2016, 3:25 pm

0_equals_true wrote:
Spiderpig wrote:
Well, why would anyone expect that kind of input to be helpful in the first place? Sexual selection is about filtering out those who aren't up to snuff—if you're having trouble, you're meant to have it, so there's no point in helping you. By helping us, women would only be helping us deceive them.


There is no moral high ground in sexual selection.

Note: Humans require a variety of different types of persons in their societies for them to function, which why selection is so varied. The redictist idea of sexual selection is flawed.

Sexual selection in humans is based on personality. Some nature and some nature.

It is also based on who you say or do.


Hmm no, not only on that, it's based on many factors and attributes.



0_equals_true
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14 Oct 2016, 4:12 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Hmm no, not only on that, it's based on many factors and attributes.


Where did I say it wasn't?

We are all picky to a degree, but there is a lot of variation still.

What I'm saying is people like your cynicism becuase it is also funny.

Cynicism its own that can be a dry cake to swallow, even if you like your cake dry.



The_Face_of_Boo
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14 Oct 2016, 4:38 pm

Well.....ok.....but this thread was about a common sense advice.

It's really not about sexual selection - It is a human thing, if a person doesn't care about you, he/she will never try to reach you.

I know a lot of guys who would keep pursuing the same girl just because she is responsive - and they think of it as a sign of interest.

That's because guys are wrongly taught that they must always pursue - and that they need to put effort it.

Reality is - once you feel you're putting too much effort it means it's only one hand trying to clap, it won't work.

What they should observe instead, is the times she initiates - they notice that after wasting too much time.

It's not rocket science, really.



Peacesells
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14 Oct 2016, 4:52 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Reality is - once you feel you're putting too much effort it means it's only one hand trying to clap, it won't work.

I wonder where the other hand is.



0_equals_true
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14 Oct 2016, 5:49 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Reality is - once you feel you're putting too much effort it means it's only one hand trying to clap, it won't work.


Agreed. Women do this also.

Relationship are about reciprocation, if there is no reciprocation there is no relationship.

If someone is interested, if they don't show signs of interest at first they will likely do so if you show you are interested. This works both ways, I can attest. If they don't chances are they are not convinced.

There can be veil of niceties and politeness, which slowly thaws to show the fuller signs interest. This is becuase people hedge their bets.

It is possible for someone who was not interested to start with to become so later. However there is a danger of it becoming like a test, which may not subside. You really need to see each other as equal partners.



The_Face_of_Boo
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15 Oct 2016, 1:06 am

Peacesells wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Reality is - once you feel you're putting too much effort it means it's only one hand trying to clap, it won't work.

I wonder where the other hand is.


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You sickos

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