I am THIS CLOSE to giving up

Post Reply New Topic

Romance has just never been a thing for me, even though I really, really want it to be. Maybe it's because there are absolutely zero women in my area who share anything in common with me, maybe I'm legitimately a creep, I dunno, but every time I try I just end up depressed. I'm on OKCupid, PoF, and Tinder. OKC has gotten to the point where I've got maybe five matches on my entire screen because so many of the users have blocked me after my first message, and the ones that are left have never answered. PoF has a few women close to me (who never reply), but mostly shows ones that are living in another state. Tinder... yeah, even the bots are swiping left on me there. I haven't had a single match in three weeks. I've even tried Craigslist. Yeah, that's how far I've sunk, and it still didn't pay off.

Going out and being social isn't an option, because I'm a geek living in redneck country. If you don't like huntin', fishin', backroadin', watchin' football, twingy twangy country music, and DRINKIN' ALL THE WHISKEY, SON, YEEEEEEHAW!, there's nothing for you to do. I leave my apartment for work, church, and to buy food. I get along all right with my coworkers and the people I go to church with, but they don't like me enough to invite me out to do things with them-- which I wouldn't want to do anyway, because it'd just be one of the things listed above.

I got lucky. Once. Someone on a dating site introduced me to her aspie roommate and we dated for a month. Then I broke up with her because she couldn't so much as hold a conversation with me. Am I a jerk? Probably. Do I even deserve a girlfriend after that? Probably not. So maybe this is just karma biting me in the butt.

So my question is, when do I just give up? I'm becoming more and more convinced that I wouldn't even be a good boyfriend. I'm not social, I'm intolerant to new ideas and things I don't like, and on top of that my weight has been going up and up for the past year and that's probably not going to change, so I'm even less attractive than I once was (which isn't saying much) and it's only going to get worse. My job constantly puts me in a bad mood. I try to have good hygiene (I shower and brush my teeth every day, wear clean clothes and use deodorant) but my family still complaints about my BO. And, I mean... I have aspergers. Why would any woman settle for a guy like me when they're surrounded by better men literally everywhere they look? That's probably why they don't even message me back on dating sites. They can tell I'm a sub par male just by reading my awkward first messages and choose not to waste their time.

Yeah. That's about it. Unless someone here has some magical, game changing advice for me, I'm probably going to call it quits. Love and romance just isn't in the cards for a guy like me. Best of luck to the rest of you, though.

Well I have got some crap for saying this here, but on okcupid you don't have to only message the matches the site gives you. You can browse profiles based on area, and just look through the ones close enough you could potentially meet in person without too much hassle. At least in my experience a lot of people I was 'matched' with didn't seem like people I wanted to meet.

With your dating profiles you should state that you are NOT a redneck - no hunting etc.
Then a girl who also hates all that local cultural stuff, will instantly recognise a like minded soul.

But in reality, you already know what the problem is with you.
You're in a bad mood - you need to change that job situation, become more successful - that will attract the opposite sex. Someone that is driven will attract a woman in a second.

And you KNOW that your health/fitness is a issue. It's okay to have BO, it can be very attractive - provided its after a run, some chin ups etc.

Get healthy, get fit, get successful - get the girl.

You wouldn't want a girl that is unhappy, unhealthy, unfit, right? So stop being a hypocrit. Become similar what you want & are attracted to.

If you're in northwest Arkansas, surely there's a university near you - I'm thinking maybe Fayetteville. There's always a culture of educated and nerdy women around university towns. You just have to find them. And I'm not talking just about students, there are always the townies who have graduated from the university and stuck around.

Are there groups that meet like gamer groups or something along those lines? Those seem to be prevalent around university towns. There are a ton of those where I live (Madison, WI).

Don't.

I know how you feel, trust me. I've wanted to give up on love at times too, but you know what keeps me going? Hope. As ridiculous as I know that might sound, there's always a shred of hope even during my worst times. I simply refuse to accept a fate of staying alone forever.

Sorry I can't give any concrete advice, but I hope I gave you some hope at the very least.

Yeah, there's the U of A, but that's almost an hour's drive away from me. I live in Bentonville and hardly ever go to Fayetteville. I don't think I could make it work with a woman who lives that far away from me.

Are you able to move? Sometimes it's worth it to move closer to somewhere with a larger population. You'd have a better chance of meeting someone more like you.

I know it's harder in the south (and AR is basically the south) - I used to live in MO, and I know, it sucks to be different, and the south tends to be so backward and not exactly friendly to people who are different from them.

It's amazing how different Madison, WI is compared to MO. Even though Madison isn't big, it's a university town, so lots of nerdy, educated people here.

Do you have any ability to move closer to Fayetteville? It might be worth a shot at least.

Last edited by Luhluhluh on 18 Dec 2016, 2:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You had a date a few months back that proved how datable you are! Don't give up yet once they get to know you the girls will realise that.

Also I would take Sweetleafs advice. The people matched with on OKcupid were never quite right so I would often search through profiles. Also of you answer one question a day you are always at the top of the list that shows active profiles

Here's my advice.

Delete Okcupid account.

Delete POF.

Delete Tinder.

Delete them all.

Now...you got liberated....next step is to force yourself to meet people in the conventional ways.

Some members here don't realize how extremely sausage fest dating apps are.

At the risk of sounding like the biggest douche on earth, it isn't very comforting to think that the only woman who ever went on more than one date with me was the one who no other man alive would settle for. Both in looks and personality. If she'd had even one other man interested in her, I doubt she still would have said yes to me.

I meant like when you were talking about your interactions you proved that you were able to be sociable and had great date ideas. You choose date places to suit your date. That can be a difficult thing to do, to know where to take a date and what they would like.

Even though I met my wife online, I still maintain that online dating is a waste of time. It was then and was even more so today. Unless of course you want to try to drive yourself crazy: in that case go right ahead. While it was a learning experience the biggest thing I learned was to hate women in general thanks to being flaked on over and over again by low quality women. Most women on those three sites have literally nothing to offer but expect everything from you.

You shouldn't feel bad. I think that's a pretty reasonable thing, to want a partner who is communicative. I've dealt with that a lot with people whom I was fond of who were terrible at communicating. Never called or messaged me. There was one woman in particular whom I called once just to chat with, and everything I asked her was met with monosyllabic answers or terse replies. Not long after I sent her a message dumping her ass because, as I put it, "Talking to her was like talking to a brick wall." It's not your fault if the other person is dull as dishwater.

Most guys on those sites have nothing to offer either, I got led on by guys like met and got as far as having sex only to have the guy eventually flake out or admit how they didn't really want a relationship or we'd talk some and then they'd just stop talking to me before even getting the chance to meet. Still managed to find someone awesome in spite of all that though...so I cannot say its a complete waste of time since people still do find relationships that way. And not just popular nts with tons of friends, social connections and all that normie stuff.

It won't ever work in the Bible Belt. Women here tend to be shallow and entitled to the point even when they say they wonder where all the "good men" are, they'll ghost you the instant you message them. I paid a s**t load of money on those sites only to be met with foot dragging, false starts, and spam bots. The free ones were no different and I have no desire to ever use those sites again.

This seems to be a catch-22. I won't find a worthwhile woman online, so I have to meet them in person. I can't meet them in person, though, because there is literally nothing for me to go out and do to meet people around here. So does that mean the only option really is to just give up?