First love?

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I have to agree that the list of things to do and to follow in a relationship...idk...I feel it was all made up for a money grab of some sort....marriage to sell diamonds...the chapel and big wedding...yet another way for people to make money putting something like that together...moving in together...buying the best house together...buy patio furniture...buy baby diapers....buy buy buy...and not enough being with one another....it doesn't matter where. A piece of paper and a ring is just that.

All I'm looking for is my best friend ( awwww) and where ever we end up, we end up together. Here's to hope anyway. I doubt ill ever find him.

Well, all I can say is, I hope you find that person soon! Seeing you are my same age, I can certainly relate to your feelings.

It was just the truth. You know how old farts tend to ramble when they reminisce. I have a touch of what Stephen King calls "diarrhea of the word processor."

I once wrote a complete novel, and half of another, but ADHD makes concentration a serious problem, and no one ever expressed genuine interest in them, so it seemed a moot point. I haven't the social skills to do the networking required to sell anything.

It was over 30 years ago, and I don't think I would recognize her anymore. Maybe if there is a school reunion, but it doesn't appear like she is on stay friends either.

you dont have to have social skills anymore its 2017! You can start a blog or tumblr or anything you want to sell your book without leaving the house or directly speaking with anyone face to face ! The joys of the internet! Try it!

All I'm looking for is my best friend ( awwww) and where ever we end up, we end up together. Here's to hope anyway. I doubt ill ever find him.[/quote]

Well, all I can say is, I hope you find that person soon! Seeing you are my same age, I can certainly relate to your feelings.[/quote]


I hope so to. I had an aspie whom i loved dearly but he just doesn't seem to treat women well. He cheated on his now ex wife...went behind my back while dating and lied to me, has a new online gf but sleeps with women in person and even one of his friends told me once that he belittles women. I dont think he will ever change. He sees people as what they can do for him most of the time. I finally let him go as a friend as well as I just can't trust him....he doesn't seem at all bothered though. 2 and a half years gone. Like i said i am very loyal and take things like betrayal amongst friends etc very seriously because i keep so little friends. But thank you. I hope my aspie man is out there somewhere. If you've met one aspie you've met one aspie.

The moral of his story: when man loses his job, he loses his love too.

Then perhaps its for the best idk. I cant speak for all women but I was in love and that person lost their job i would never leave them over that. That to me is just silly.

Thanks, I was just being over melodramatic for a melodramatic story. lol

i will divulge but be warned it is not pretty. and apologies in advance for the length, i'm still in processing mode.

yes he is NT as in not autistic, although he is very much ADHD, and that did pose some issues but i don't think it's because of being a NT/ND relationship. more like being us and also being NT/ND. if something didn't make sense to him, like auditory sensitivities and language processing issues, or anxieties when i was not let in on plans which affected me, or my need to not be grabbed and fondled/poked/prodded whenever he wanted, etc. he'd put me down for it, and i had a lot of trouble defending myself especially in the moment. all of my very few but very close friends were dissected and insulted as well...there were always trivial, often hypocritical things he saw wrong with them and overall it felt disrespectful to me and all the people i love besides him.

i was sick of being blamed solely for every disagreement, always apologizing, being constantly careful about what i did and said so as to not anger him and just to avoid being needlessly insulted. i know objectively that loving an abusive person is not healthy so i finally figured the only solution was to leave the situation despite my heart's objections. but it's always biased, ask him this same question receive a different answer. he does have an uncanny ability to forget and downplay incidents though. somehow he even forgets how i got certain injuries and then insists they couldn't have been so bad, as if he thinks severity is relevant. i'll get hurt worse consensually and he knows it, that's not the point. but possibly still a problem (and difficult one to consider).

thinking back i'm amazed at how stupid and self-harming i have been. if someone else told me their partner treated them in such a way i would surely tell them its a toxic relationship, get out, all the good times don't make up for the bad times, all the love in the world is not enough. i'm a victim of my own malady and i take full responsibility for that. i clearly have a lot to think about & work on and i can only hope he will do the same.

Now who's the spooky one?! ;p

no idea

Sometimes I miss my first love, though we haven't been together in 12 years. It can hurt sometimes, but I also accept that I was not a very good boyfriend at the time. And I have a new love now, so I mostly don't think of her anymore.

I am very thankful for the time we had. She is a good person and taught me a lot.

Wow. That sounds terrible. He left marks on your body? Yeah thats not cool. Just as I have read about aspies that a diagnosis with something doesn't mean that person has the right to act like a jerk etc. I am in a similar situation. My ex aspie and I tried to remain friends and then friends turned into friends with benefits its been on and off for years. I was accepting of a lot of his traits. He is hfa, adhd, and he even jokes that he might be a sociopath :/ he kind of likes that he might be...he can manipulate, lie, he cheated on his now ex wife, lied to me and went behind my back with another woman and made me feel like the crazy one when I was right the entire time. Now hes in an online relationship and yet he still flirts around and even slept with someone. I finally told him that i didnt think i could be his friend anymore and that i am scared he will hurt me again somehow and was scared about how cold he could be toward people and things. And i have asked many questions many a time on why and how and all i get is " I dont know" but like you the heart wants what it wants. I really loved this man. I loved so much about him and his quirks and weird sense everything due to his AS lol. So i am here to hopefully meet other aspies because like they say if you've met one aspie you've met one aspie. Thank you again for being so open and honest I hope that was somewhat cathartic for you. Give it time

12 years later and you still think of her? That is in a way kind of sweet and you still feel hurt after all this time as well? Wow. Thanks for sharing. You should drop her a line

How do you feel about your first love?

I had a relationship, before him----but, he was, by far, my greatest love, to-date (greatest, as in I never loved anyone, more, or as deeply, or longer than him).

Do you still miss them and think about them or even still love them or once its over its over and you may or may not just want to be friends?

I don't still miss him----though, I held a candle to him, for around 20 years, and compared every romantic interest, to him.

I've thought about him, off-and-on, over the years----like, if I saw something that reminded me, of him (like, when Elizabeth Taylor died; I knew she was one of his favorites); or, when I have been trying to remember in what year something happened, I'll think: "Where was I living, when that happened", or "Who was I with?", and then I can, often, figure-out the date (or, approximate date), that way.

I don't still love him, no. Narcissism has been a special interest of mine, for a couple of years, now----and, when I first learned of the "phenomenon", I went-through every person I had ever loved, in my life, and "tested" them (with the list of narc signs, in front of me, I answered every question, with a different person, in mind), to see if they were one. He, of course, was at the top of the list, as one of those who was most important to me / had the greatest impact, on my life----but, I immediately dismissed him, thinking: "No way----our love was too great". Actually, in retrospect, I'm thinking I didn't WANT to give him the test, cuz "What if he WAS?"----and, sure enough, when I had finally decided that it was, like, only fair, that I run the test on HIM, as well, the result was negative (as in, I feel, as much as I hate to admit it, he was a narcissist).

I was concerned, though, that..... You know how, when you hear of some disorder or something, you start seeing it, in everyone----or, maybe you WANT to find it? Well, I was afraid that I was, strangely, trying to "make" him fit the profile----but, the more I thought-about alot of the events in our life, together, the more clear, the picture began to emerge. Initially, of course, I was a bit heart-broken (I say "a bit", because by that time, I had figured-out that I had been raised with THREE narcs; so, I was, sort-of, numb)----but, now I'm glad I found-out, cuz, maybe, the next poor slob (LOL) who dares to try and have a relationship with me, might have more of a chance (now that I'm not holding a candle to someone else).

If you remained friends would you ever tell them how you feel or just keep it all inside as to not ruin the friendship?

We did remain friends, for quite-a-few years----but, because I left HIM, there was nothing, really, to keep, inside. Yeah, I still loved him----but, for the most part, that ship had sailed (meaning, I had no desire to ever pursue "that kind" of relationship with him, again).

It's kind of funny (as in "strange"-funny, not "haha"-funny), cuz when our relationship began to fall-apart, it was because of the aforementioned behaviors----but, I, of course, just didn't SEE it, and didn't have a name for it, before now; but, that's just how things go, sometimes. I'm thinking it's better than never having learned, AT ALL, though.....