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Campin_Cat
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19 Jun 2017, 2:19 pm

How do you feel about your first love?

I had a relationship, before him----but, he was, by far, my greatest love, to-date (greatest, as in I never loved anyone, more, or as deeply, or longer than him).

Do you still miss them and think about them or even still love them or once its over its over and you may or may not just want to be friends?

I don't still miss him----though, I held a candle to him, for around 20 years, and compared every romantic interest, to him.

I've thought about him, off-and-on, over the years----like, if I saw something that reminded me, of him (like, when Elizabeth Taylor died; I knew she was one of his favorites); or, when I have been trying to remember in what year something happened, I'll think: "Where was I living, when that happened", or "Who was I with?", and then I can, often, figure-out the date (or, approximate date), that way.

I don't still love him, no. Narcissism has been a special interest of mine, for a couple of years, now----and, when I first learned of the "phenomenon", I went-through every person I had ever loved, in my life, and "tested" them (with the list of narc signs, in front of me, I answered every question, with a different person, in mind), to see if they were one. He, of course, was at the top of the list, as one of those who was most important to me / had the greatest impact, on my life----but, I immediately dismissed him, thinking: "No way----our love was too great". Actually, in retrospect, I'm thinking I didn't WANT to give him the test, cuz "What if he WAS?"----and, sure enough, when I had finally decided that it was, like, only fair, that I run the test on HIM, as well, the result was negative (as in, I feel, as much as I hate to admit it, he was a narcissist).

I was concerned, though, that..... You know how, when you hear of some disorder or something, you start seeing it, in everyone----or, maybe you WANT to find it? Well, I was afraid that I was, strangely, trying to "make" him fit the profile----but, the more I thought-about alot of the events in our life, together, the more clear, the picture began to emerge. Initially, of course, I was a bit heart-broken (I say "a bit", because by that time, I had figured-out that I had been raised with THREE narcs; so, I was, sort-of, numb)----but, now I'm glad I found-out, cuz, maybe, the next poor slob (LOL) who dares to try and have a relationship with me, might have more of a chance (now that I'm not holding a candle to someone else).


If you remained friends would you ever tell them how you feel or just keep it all inside as to not ruin the friendship?

We did remain friends, for quite-a-few years----but, because I left HIM, there was nothing, really, to keep, inside. Yeah, I still loved him----but, for the most part, that ship had sailed (meaning, I had no desire to ever pursue "that kind" of relationship with him, again).

It's kind of funny (as in "strange"-funny, not "haha"-funny), cuz when our relationship began to fall-apart, it was because of the aforementioned behaviors----but, I, of course, just didn't SEE it, and didn't have a name for it, before now; but, that's just how things go, sometimes. I'm thinking it's better than never having learned, AT ALL, though.....





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will@rd
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19 Jun 2017, 2:42 pm

XMildpetrichorX wrote:
will@rd wrote:
Shrevedude wrote:
Will@rd, I really have to applaud you on your imagery and how you tell the story. People have told me I'm a good writer, and I couldn't even come up with those literary expressions you did, since I just don't think that way. I think you would make a great novel writer, and I feel that is something you should consider.


It was just the truth. You know how old farts tend to ramble when they reminisce. :oops: I have a touch of what Stephen King calls "diarrhea of the word processor."

I once wrote a complete novel, and half of another, but ADHD makes concentration a serious problem, and no one ever expressed genuine interest in them, so it seemed a moot point. I haven't the social skills to do the networking required to sell anything. :shrug:


you dont have to have social skills anymore its 2017! You can start a blog or tumblr or anything you want to sell your book without leaving the house or directly speaking with anyone face to face ! The joys of the internet! Try it!


Traditionally, self-publication is considered the mark of the amateur hack whose work isn't high quality enough to pass muster in the professional marketplace. While my work might fit that description in some opinions, I'd rather not be reduced to hanging it on some global refrigerator, with the rest of the crayon masterpieces. :?


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XMildpetrichorX
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19 Jun 2017, 9:05 pm

Campin_Cat wrote:
How do you feel about your first love?

I had a relationship, before him----but, he was, by far, my greatest love, to-date (greatest, as in I never loved anyone, more, or as deeply, or longer than him).

Do you still miss them and think about them or even still love them or once its over its over and you may or may not just want to be friends?

I don't still miss him----though, I held a candle to him, for around 20 years, and compared every romantic interest, to him.

I've thought about him, off-and-on, over the years----like, if I saw something that reminded me, of him (like, when Elizabeth Taylor died; I knew she was one of his favorites); or, when I have been trying to remember in what year something happened, I'll think: "Where was I living, when that happened", or "Who was I with?", and then I can, often, figure-out the date (or, approximate date), that way.

I don't still love him, no. Narcissism has been a special interest of mine, for a couple of years, now----and, when I first learned of the "phenomenon", I went-through every person I had ever loved, in my life, and "tested" them (with the list of narc signs, in front of me, I answered every question, with a different person, in mind), to see if they were one. He, of course, was at the top of the list, as one of those who was most important to me / had the greatest impact, on my life----but, I immediately dismissed him, thinking: "No way----our love was too great". Actually, in retrospect, I'm thinking I didn't WANT to give him the test, cuz "What if he WAS?"----and, sure enough, when I had finally decided that it was, like, only fair, that I run the test on HIM, as well, the result was negative (as in, I feel, as much as I hate to admit it, he was a narcissist).

I was concerned, though, that..... You know how, when you hear of some disorder or something, you start seeing it, in everyone----or, maybe you WANT to find it? Well, I was afraid that I was, strangely, trying to "make" him fit the profile----but, the more I thought-about alot of the events in our life, together, the more clear, the picture began to emerge. Initially, of course, I was a bit heart-broken (I say "a bit", because by that time, I had figured-out that I had been raised with THREE narcs; so, I was, sort-of, numb)----but, now I'm glad I found-out, cuz, maybe, the next poor slob (LOL) who dares to try and have a relationship with me, might have more of a chance (now that I'm not holding a candle to someone else).


If you remained friends would you ever tell them how you feel or just keep it all inside as to not ruin the friendship?

We did remain friends, for quite-a-few years----but, because I left HIM, there was nothing, really, to keep, inside. Yeah, I still loved him----but, for the most part, that ship had sailed (meaning, I had no desire to ever pursue "that kind" of relationship with him, again).

It's kind of funny (as in "strange"-funny, not "haha"-funny), cuz when our relationship began to fall-apart, it was because of the aforementioned behaviors----but, I, of course, just didn't SEE it, and didn't have a name for it, before now; but, that's just how things go, sometimes. I'm thinking it's better than never having learned, AT ALL, though.....


Its "funny" what we notice when something is over that was there the entire time but blinded by love goggles lol Im glad that you made it out in one piece and seemingly in better spirits. Do you think you will ever get back in contact with him again? Sorry if you answered that already somewhere and I just overlooked it.



XMildpetrichorX
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19 Jun 2017, 9:09 pm

will@rd wrote:
XMildpetrichorX wrote:
will@rd wrote:
Shrevedude wrote:
Will@rd, I really have to applaud you on your imagery and how you tell the story. People have told me I'm a good writer, and I couldn't even come up with those literary expressions you did, since I just don't think that way. I think you would make a great novel writer, and I feel that is something you should consider.


It was just the truth. You know how old farts tend to ramble when they reminisce. :oops: I have a touch of what Stephen King calls "diarrhea of the word processor."

I once wrote a complete novel, and half of another, but ADHD makes concentration a serious problem, and no one ever expressed genuine interest in them, so it seemed a moot point. I haven't the social skills to do the networking required to sell anything. :shrug:


you dont have to have social skills anymore its 2017! You can start a blog or tumblr or anything you want to sell your book without leaving the house or directly speaking with anyone face to face ! The joys of the internet! Try it!


Traditionally, self-publication is considered the mark of the amateur hack whose work isn't high quality enough to pass muster in the professional marketplace. While my work might fit that description in some opinions, I'd rather not be reduced to hanging it on some global refrigerator, with the rest of the crayon masterpieces. :?


Is self-publication really considered that? I have never heard of that before...hmm..interesting. ill have to look that up as to why that is...and also, understood and I apologize for asking. All good :)



Solvejg
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20 Jun 2017, 2:28 am

My first love is also the worlds biggest dick. I am reminded of him everyday and miss him. Hell i would be lying if i said i wouldnt take him back consequences be damned. He was also a member on here for a while so i wont put too many details.


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XMildpetrichorX
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20 Jun 2017, 8:54 am

Solvejg wrote:
My first love is also the worlds biggest dick. I am reminded of him everyday and miss him. Hell i would be lying if i said i wouldnt take him back consequences be damned. He was also a member on here for a while so i wont put too many details.



Girl don't I know that feeling. Although I wouldn't take him back. I've recently shut the door on that forever and I highly doubt he gives a s**t either way. :roll: I hope you find someone who makes you feel the same way some day soon but doesnt treat you like you're disposable. I hate that so much. To me partnerships and friendships are extremely important to me as I only let in a few. I can take a lot of hits and keep on going but if you're supposed to be a friend/ SO and you lie to me when I give you no reason to ( Id like to think I am open and understanding of a lot)....I will forgive you....do it again...I will most likely forgive you still...keep doing it, bye Felicia...I'll never open a door, a window, and will caulk any remaining cracks or seams and make it feel like the dead of winter 365 days a year for years to that person.



will@rd
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20 Jun 2017, 11:22 am

XMildpetrichorX wrote:
will@rd wrote:
XMildpetrichorX wrote:
will@rd wrote:
Shrevedude wrote:
Will@rd, I really have to applaud you on your imagery and how you tell the story. People have told me I'm a good writer, and I couldn't even come up with those literary expressions you did, since I just don't think that way. I think you would make a great novel writer, and I feel that is something you should consider.


It was just the truth. You know how old farts tend to ramble when they reminisce. :oops: I have a touch of what Stephen King calls "diarrhea of the word processor."

I once wrote a complete novel, and half of another, but ADHD makes concentration a serious problem, and no one ever expressed genuine interest in them, so it seemed a moot point. I haven't the social skills to do the networking required to sell anything. :shrug:


you dont have to have social skills anymore its 2017! You can start a blog or tumblr or anything you want to sell your book without leaving the house or directly speaking with anyone face to face ! The joys of the internet! Try it!


Traditionally, self-publication is considered the mark of the amateur hack whose work isn't high quality enough to pass muster in the professional marketplace. While my work might fit that description in some opinions, I'd rather not be reduced to hanging it on some global refrigerator, with the rest of the crayon masterpieces. :?


Is self-publication really considered that? I have never heard of that before...hmm..interesting. ill have to look that up as to why that is...and also, understood and I apologize for asking. All good :)


No offense taken, nor intended. The why is that self-publishing was traditionally done through local printing firms, in small batches, to satisfy the narcissism of writers whose work wasn't good enough to be picked up by professional literary publishers. It was known as "Vanity Publication," not commercially viable, but it satisfied the author's ego to be able to say their work was actually in print. They could hand out copies to their friends and relatives, or sell them at seminars, but they were never widely read enough to be considered serious, much less talented.

OTOH, you have writers like Edgar Rice Burroughs, Robert E Howard, Clarke Ashton Smith, Arthur Machen, and my hero HP Lovecraft, who spent their lives writing short stories for what were then considered seedy, throwaway, pulp fiction SciFi, fantasy and horror magazines, and they're considered classic masters of their genres now (See also Robert Bloch, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Ray Bradbury and Richard Matheson). I actually wish those venues still existed. I'd rather make pennies targeting my work to a specific demographic, than casting bread upon the waters to sog and sink.

Er..wait...have we gone off-topic here? :oops:


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XMildpetrichorX
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21 Jun 2017, 6:32 am

will@rd wrote:
XMildpetrichorX wrote:
will@rd wrote:
XMildpetrichorX wrote:
will@rd wrote:
Shrevedude wrote:
Will@rd, I really have to applaud you on your imagery and how you tell the story. People have told me I'm a good writer, and I couldn't even come up with those literary expressions you did, since I just don't think that way. I think you would make a great novel writer, and I feel that is something you should consider.


It was just the truth. You know how old farts tend to ramble when they reminisce. :oops: I have a touch of what Stephen King calls "diarrhea of the word processor."

I once wrote a complete novel, and half of another, but ADHD makes concentration a serious problem, and no one ever expressed genuine interest in them, so it seemed a moot point. I haven't the social skills to do the networking required to sell anything. :shrug:


you dont have to have social skills anymore its 2017! You can start a blog or tumblr or anything you want to sell your book without leaving the house or directly speaking with anyone face to face ! The joys of the internet! Try it!


Traditionally, self-publication is considered the mark of the amateur hack whose work isn't high quality enough to pass muster in the professional marketplace. While my work might fit that description in some opinions, I'd rather not be reduced to hanging it on some global refrigerator, with the rest of the crayon masterpieces. :?


Is self-publication really considered that? I have never heard of that before...hmm..interesting. ill have to look that up as to why that is...and also, understood and I apologize for asking. All good :)


No offense taken, nor intended. The why is that self-publishing was traditionally done through local printing firms, in small batches, to satisfy the narcissism of writers whose work wasn't good enough to be picked up by professional literary publishers. It was known as "Vanity Publication," not commercially viable, but it satisfied the author's ego to be able to say their work was actually in print. They could hand out copies to their friends and relatives, or sell them at seminars, but they were never widely read enough to be considered serious, much less talented.

OTOH, you have writers like Edgar Rice Burroughs, Robert E Howard, Clarke Ashton Smith, Arthur Machen, and my hero HP Lovecraft, who spent their lives writing short stories for what were then considered seedy, throwaway, pulp fiction SciFi, fantasy and horror magazines, and they're considered classic masters of their genres now (See also Robert Bloch, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Ray Bradbury and Richard Matheson). I actually wish those venues still existed. I'd rather make pennies targeting my work to a specific demographic, than casting bread upon the waters to sog and sink.

Er..wait...have we gone off-topic here? :oops:



lol , we have but it's okay !



kraftiekortie
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21 Jun 2017, 9:19 am

I still wish I could keep in contact with the person who was my "first love," so to speak.

It was a nice experience. I started stroking her hair. One thing led to another. I was 17. It was August, 1978.



AngelRho
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21 Jun 2017, 9:24 am

will@rd wrote:
XMildpetrichorX wrote:
will@rd wrote:
XMildpetrichorX wrote:
will@rd wrote:
Shrevedude wrote:
Will@rd, I really have to applaud you on your imagery and how you tell the story. People have told me I'm a good writer, and I couldn't even come up with those literary expressions you did, since I just don't think that way. I think you would make a great novel writer, and I feel that is something you should consider.


It was just the truth. You know how old farts tend to ramble when they reminisce. :oops: I have a touch of what Stephen King calls "diarrhea of the word processor."

I once wrote a complete novel, and half of another, but ADHD makes concentration a serious problem, and no one ever expressed genuine interest in them, so it seemed a moot point. I haven't the social skills to do the networking required to sell anything. :shrug:


you dont have to have social skills anymore its 2017! You can start a blog or tumblr or anything you want to sell your book without leaving the house or directly speaking with anyone face to face ! The joys of the internet! Try it!


Traditionally, self-publication is considered the mark of the amateur hack whose work isn't high quality enough to pass muster in the professional marketplace. While my work might fit that description in some opinions, I'd rather not be reduced to hanging it on some global refrigerator, with the rest of the crayon masterpieces. :?


Is self-publication really considered that? I have never heard of that before...hmm..interesting. ill have to look that up as to why that is...and also, understood and I apologize for asking. All good :)


No offense taken, nor intended. The why is that self-publishing was traditionally done through local printing firms, in small batches, to satisfy the narcissism of writers whose work wasn't good enough to be picked up by professional literary publishers. It was known as "Vanity Publication," not commercially viable, but it satisfied the author's ego to be able to say their work was actually in print. They could hand out copies to their friends and relatives, or sell them at seminars, but they were never widely read enough to be considered serious, much less talented.

OTOH, you have writers like Edgar Rice Burroughs, Robert E Howard, Clarke Ashton Smith, Arthur Machen, and my hero HP Lovecraft, who spent their lives writing short stories for what were then considered seedy, throwaway, pulp fiction SciFi, fantasy and horror magazines, and they're considered classic masters of their genres now (See also Robert Bloch, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Ray Bradbury and Richard Matheson). I actually wish those venues still existed. I'd rather make pennies targeting my work to a specific demographic, than casting bread upon the waters to sog and sink.

Er..wait...have we gone off-topic here? :oops:

Well, the key words here are "commercially viable." Whether arts and literature are actually "good" is entirely a subjective matter. People who get picked up by big publishers and major record labels can usually show they are commercially viable BEFORE they're offered a contract. Have you ever looked up a big publisher or a major record label to see if they are accepting submissions? They typically don't. The way you play is partner up with someone or get a team of regular-guy consumers to check out your work and give HONEST, however ugly, opinions on your work. Once you know what people respond to, either self-publish or submit to low-budget publishers who still accept submissions. The right book, photograph/painting, or song WILL make it to the public and become a hit.

Probably what most creatives do is fall in love with their own work and expect too much from consumers. In my opinion, it's perfectly ok to "be yourself" and "write for yourself." You could probably write a new novel every month. That's fine. What is your purpose for writing, though? If you want to make a lot of money, first you have to write a LOT every waking hour of every day. Second, but just as important, you have to know your audience. Something written for a mass audience has to target the wants and needs of EVERYONE. How well you reach that in a timely manner will determine how lucrative the work is.

I'm sure there are tons of excellent postmodern authors and artists out there, but I can't name many. If your audience is mainly academic types and you want to show off your more advanced technical ability to write, you MIGHT eventually win a Pulitzer. You might get some mentions in some journals. But academic audiences don't measure "good" or "successful" in terms of money made or copies sold.

At any rate, if you want to break into any creative industry and reach a mass audience, writing "good" literature is not the way to go. Write what people want. Then hit the road. Sell copies out of the trunk of your car. Navigate and exploit social media to get the word out. Make contacts, attend conferences and conventions. Work your butt off. You may not ever become famous, but at the very least you'll make a living.



XMildpetrichorX
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21 Jun 2017, 9:26 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I still wish I could keep in contact with the person who was my "first love," so to speak.

It was a nice experience. I started stroking her hair. One thing led to another. I was 17. It was August, 1978.


Jesus. I can hardly remember what I did last week. 8O And maybe you should try looking her up?



kraftiekortie
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21 Jun 2017, 9:33 am

She went to MIT---but decided science wasn't for her. Then she became an artist.

I did find her, and "talk" to her on Facebook. I don't know.....I think we've taken different paths in life.



XMildpetrichorX
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21 Jun 2017, 9:40 am

AngelRho wrote:
will@rd wrote:
XMildpetrichorX wrote:
will@rd wrote:
XMildpetrichorX wrote:
will@rd wrote:
Shrevedude wrote:
Will@rd, I really have to applaud you on your imagery and how you tell the story. People have told me I'm a good writer, and I couldn't even come up with those literary expressions you did, since I just don't think that way. I think you would make a great novel writer, and I feel that is something you should consider.


It was just the truth. You know how old farts tend to ramble when they reminisce. :oops: I have a touch of what Stephen King calls "diarrhea of the word processor."

I once wrote a complete novel, and half of another, but ADHD makes concentration a serious problem, and no one ever expressed genuine interest in them, so it seemed a moot point. I haven't the social skills to do the networking required to sell anything. :shrug:


you dont have to have social skills anymore its 2017! You can start a blog or tumblr or anything you want to sell your book without leaving the house or directly speaking with anyone face to face ! The joys of the internet! Try it!


Traditionally, self-publication is considered the mark of the amateur hack whose work isn't high quality enough to pass muster in the professional marketplace. While my work might fit that description in some opinions, I'd rather not be reduced to hanging it on some global refrigerator, with the rest of the crayon masterpieces. :?


Is self-publication really considered that? I have never heard of that before...hmm..interesting. ill have to look that up as to why that is...and also, understood and I apologize for asking. All good :)


No offense taken, nor intended. The why is that self-publishing was traditionally done through local printing firms, in small batches, to satisfy the narcissism of writers whose work wasn't good enough to be picked up by professional literary publishers. It was known as "Vanity Publication," not commercially viable, but it satisfied the author's ego to be able to say their work was actually in print. They could hand out copies to their friends and relatives, or sell them at seminars, but they were never widely read enough to be considered serious, much less talented.

OTOH, you have writers like Edgar Rice Burroughs, Robert E Howard, Clarke Ashton Smith, Arthur Machen, and my hero HP Lovecraft, who spent their lives writing short stories for what were then considered seedy, throwaway, pulp fiction SciFi, fantasy and horror magazines, and they're considered classic masters of their genres now (See also Robert Bloch, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Ray Bradbury and Richard Matheson). I actually wish those venues still existed. I'd rather make pennies targeting my work to a specific demographic, than casting bread upon the waters to sog and sink.

Er..wait...have we gone off-topic here? :oops:

Well, the key words here are "commercially viable." Whether arts and literature are actually "good" is entirely a subjective matter. People who get picked up by big publishers and major record labels can usually show they are commercially viable BEFORE they're offered a contract. Have you ever looked up a big publisher or a major record label to see if they are accepting submissions? They typically don't. The way you play is partner up with someone or get a team of regular-guy consumers to check out your work and give HONEST, however ugly, opinions on your work. Once you know what people respond to, either self-publish or submit to low-budget publishers who still accept submissions. The right book, photograph/painting, or song WILL make it to the public and become a hit.

Probably what most creatives do is fall in love with their own work and expect too much from consumers. In my opinion, it's perfectly ok to "be yourself" and "write for yourself." You could probably write a new novel every month. That's fine. What is your purpose for writing, though? If you want to make a lot of money, first you have to write a LOT every waking hour of every day. Second, but just as important, you have to know your audience. Something written for a mass audience has to target the wants and needs of EVERYONE. How well you reach that in a timely manner will determine how lucrative the work is.

I'm sure there are tons of excellent postmodern authors and artists out there, but I can't name many. If your audience is mainly academic types and you want to show off your more advanced technical ability to write, you MIGHT eventually win a Pulitzer. You might get some mentions in some journals. But academic audiences don't measure "good" or "successful" in terms of money made or copies sold.

At any rate, if you want to break into any creative industry and reach a mass audience, writing "good" literature is not the way to go. Write what people want. Then hit the road. Sell copies out of the trunk of your car. Navigate and exploit social media to get the word out. Make contacts, attend conferences and conventions. Work your butt off. You may not ever become famous, but at the very least you'll make a living.




I have been giving people what they said they wanted for years...hasnt done me a lick of good.

:?



kraftiekortie
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21 Jun 2017, 10:10 am

My first love had the feminine version of the name of a somewhat famous Roman Emperor.



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21 Jun 2017, 10:46 am

XMildpetrichorX wrote:
Do you think you will ever get back in contact with him again?

Um, I think if I did, it would be, sort-of, by accident----like, if someone we both knew, died, or we ran into each other, at a campground, or something----but, I don't see myself making, like, a conscious effort to contact him, again, no.






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XMildpetrichorX
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21 Jun 2017, 10:55 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
My first love had the feminine version of the name of a somewhat famous Roman Emperor.


August? Augusta?