How can I make it happen?

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Just how can I make a relationship happen? I can't stop thinking about my singlehood and I am sick of going through each day without filling the void in myself. It feels like every other guy has the freedom of choice while I am deemed unworthy because of my shyness and anxiety. I really hoped this year would be different and I really tried when I asked some girls out but they turned me down. If I have to go through another year like this, I will have to shoot myself in the head.

Get a good job, get really athletic, get a car if you don the have one and your own place, then start messaging women since you're qualify to . From there it depends on your looks and personality.

Do you happen to live near Austin or some other urban area or college town?

You would stand a better chance in those places.

"Some girls"? What does that mean?

All I can tell you is getting a date is all about finding success after often long strings of failures. How do you go about asking?

My suggestion is to date without making it look like a date-date. Get acquainted with a girl. Any available girl. Find out if there's a place she likes to eat lunch. Offer to buy her lunch or something. Or if she likes to go bowling, offer to take her bowling. You're not "on a date." Because a "date" implies an expectation she may not be ready for. It's all in the mind. You really are on a date, but you have to think about it with a different mindset.

Because you're getting dates at this point without the express intention of it becoming a relationship, you're free to go out with as many girls within a given time frame as you can manage. You can take one girl to the zoo on Saturday morning, do lunch, take her home and then chill on your own for the afternoon. Pick up girl #2, take her rollerskating, grab a pizza, and top the evening off with a movie. Take her home, then reward yourself with a beer.

Don't worry about getting a gf. Don't initiate any physical contact. Respect boundaries until she breaks them first. Keep it friendly and more girls will likely be ok going out with you.

What will eventually happen is that some girls will hang out with you more than others. Some girls are naturally just affectionate towards everyone, so don't let that get your hopes up early on. But if it turns into an ongoing thing, THEN you have a gf and it's a good idea to stop hanging out with other girls. Take the physical part of the relationship to the next level, only a little bit at a time.

See, what I think is going on with you is that you don't socialize enough with women for them to feel safe around you, and I'm worried that because you're maybe being too direct in seeking a gf. We've had this discussion before. Just slow down is all. Go for bulk and get acquainted with women. The gf will happen when it's time.

Hey Marknis I'm curious, you made a topic about whether you should stop making female friends or not, and now you're talking about getting a girlfriend, so I just want to know are you looking to start a relationship or do you want a close friend that just so happens to be a girl because maybe you just got along better with them. Some people can get that confused.

You are putting a lot of pressure on yourself when you just go searching for dates. I want a girlfriend too but going out and actively seeking one makes me very nervous. Maybe changing the way you think about having a relationship with a girl might help!

Say if I was trying to date you(pause.) I would first have to think of a way to impress you and then I would also have to be on my A game. If I was just trying to be friends then I don't have to impress you I could just go up to you and say "Kiko-How ya doing!" and if you care or not wouldn't matter. It puts much less pressure on both of us and it could be possible girls could be picking up on your anxiety. I would try just making friends first.

I'm not sure of your age/age group, but I can speak as a woman in her mid 20's. I also don't date, but if I did, this would be my criteria. I would only date someone if:

1) He had a full-time job or equivalent; he wouldn't need to make a lot of money however.
2) He no longer lived with his parents; he could have a roommate however.
3) He owned a car or equivalent.
4) He rarely talked about sex to me; it can be creepy when guys talk about this early on.
5) He rarely expressed insecurity about his appearance; he can be secretly insecure, but I prefer if he keep that to himself initially.

These are just basics. Five non-negotiables!

See ^

As women get older, most of those "non-negotiables" disappear.

I'm just under 5 foot 5. Hardly ever had a problem with my height. Always been a bit chubby, too.

I think most women would want a guy to have a job---but it's the more "upwardly mobile" types who would care very much what sort of job. This is especially true away from urban areas.

I'm just a clerk. Never had a problem because of my job.

I didn't learn to drive until age 37. Didn't own a car till age 51.

It's more important if a guy is clean, and doesn't lose his temper at the drop of a hat. And doesn't show signs of being possessive.

I HARDLY ever had a problem with my height. There were a few rejections.....but they were primarily for being youthful looking and acting, with height secondary.

If one stands up straight, height is not a severe hindrance. Women tend to want a man who is her height or taller, though. Though I do see shorter men with taller women.

Many things can be a "hindrance."

That's their ideal. Like women, men have "ideals," too

Most people think realistically, though.

I don't see too many women with Brad Pitt types.

I don't see many men with supermodel types.