Page 1 of 3 [ 32 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

Marknis
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jan 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,870
Location: The Vile Belt

26 Sep 2016, 2:32 pm

I used to post on this forum when I was 18 and the depression I suffer from kicked in. When I told others I was depressed for being single at 18, they either laughed at me or talked down on me. They would say things like "Stop whining, you're only 18!" like I was trying to compete with them.
This didn't help me at all. It made me even more depressed and ten years later I still haven't escaped the vicious cycle I've been trapped in. If I had been given more supportive posts, I think my life would've gone in a better direction.



Peacesells
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Sep 2014
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,351
Location: Anzio, Italy

26 Sep 2016, 3:24 pm

Yes it is probably because you didn't find support on an internet forum 10 years ago.



AspieUtah
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Jun 2014
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,711
Location: Millcreek, Utah

26 Sep 2016, 3:43 pm

Marknis wrote:
I used to post on this forum when I was 18 and the depression I suffer from kicked in. When I told others I was depressed for being single at 18, they either laughed at me or talked down on me. They would say things like "Stop whining, you're only 18!" like I was trying to compete with them.
This didn't help me at all. It made me even more depressed and ten years later I still haven't escaped the vicious cycle I've been trapped in. If I had been given more supportive posts, I think my life would've gone in a better direction.

It seems to me that you have three choices (use them all as needed, they aren't mutually exclusive):

1) Challenge the hurtful opinions/statements of others with your own proofs ("No, you are wrong. Here's why...."),

2) Cast them as the villains for being so intentionally hurtful ("How dare you say that about me?"), and

3) Laugh them off, and act as if they are beneath your notice and care ("Oh. You actually believe that? Who are you?!?").

One of life's truisms is the statement, "Living well is the best revenge." It encourages learning to feel comfortable in your own life. No one has a perfect life, but most have good lives because they have found a happy balance between the "too little" and "too much" parts of life's spectrum.

I stopped dating precisely because I resented the behaviors and comments of others during the date itself! Sure, I miss meeting people who might be good potential partners, but the calm I have in my life now can't be beat. I have learned that I don't need another person in my life. Of course, others' mileage may vary.


_________________
Diagnosed in 2015 with ASD Level 1 by the University of Utah Health Care Autism Spectrum Disorder Clinic using the ADOS-2 Module 4 assessment instrument [11/30] -- Screened in 2014 with ASD by using the University of Cambridge Autism Research Centre AQ (Adult) [43/50]; EQ-60 for adults [11/80]; FQ [43/135]; SQ (Adult) [130/150] self-reported screening inventories -- Assessed since 1978 with an estimated IQ [≈145] by several clinicians -- Contact on WrongPlanet.net by private message (PM)


hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,261
Location: None

26 Sep 2016, 4:43 pm

It's easy to blame other people for your problems. Yes, it probably didn't help, but it's not the reason. You make a choice. You can't expect a bunch of strangers to completely mold your life.



Marknis
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jan 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,870
Location: The Vile Belt

26 Sep 2016, 6:15 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
It's easy to blame other people for your problems. Yes, it probably didn't help, but it's not the reason. You make a choice. You can't expect a bunch of strangers to completely mold your life.


The people in the culture I was born into have shaped up the surroundings to keep people like me out. They made it to where I couldn't make a choice at all.



hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,261
Location: None

26 Sep 2016, 6:56 pm

Marknis wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
It's easy to blame other people for your problems. Yes, it probably didn't help, but it's not the reason. You make a choice. You can't expect a bunch of strangers to completely mold your life.


The people in the culture I was born into have shaped up the surroundings to keep people like me out. They made it to where I couldn't make a choice at all.


You generally have a choice about the direction you want your life to head in. You have the choice to work for what you want, you have the choice not to listen to these people.



the_phoenix
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jan 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,489
Location: up from the ashes

26 Sep 2016, 7:00 pm

I once had a "boyfriend" who tried to blame me because I didn't like him back. He claimed that he was getting depressed because of me, and starting to fail his courses. He wrote me a letter telling me this, and even worse stuff.

I think I finally ended up telling him that he didn't need a girlfriend, he needed a therapist.
Or maybe I didn't tell him. Because it was his problem to deal with, really.

He was about 18 years old, old enough to be an adult and take responsibility for his own feelings.



hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,261
Location: None

26 Sep 2016, 7:02 pm

the_phoenix wrote:
I once had a "boyfriend" who tried to blame me because I didn't like him back. He claimed that he was getting depressed because of me, and starting to fail his courses. He wrote me a letter telling me this, and even worse stuff.

I think I finally ended up telling him that he didn't need a girlfriend, he needed a therapist.
Or maybe I didn't tell him. Because it was his problem to deal with, really.

He was about 18 years old, old enough to be an adult and take responsibility for his own feelings.


That's called gas lighting. Blaming other people for everything instead of accepting that maybe you have responsibility for at least some of your life.



the_phoenix
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jan 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,489
Location: up from the ashes

26 Sep 2016, 7:04 pm

Marknis wrote:
The people in the culture I was born into have shaped up the surroundings to keep people like me out.


Join the club. (Yes, irony ...) It's human nature to form cliques.

Marknis wrote:
They made it to where I couldn't make a choice at all.


Only way I've gotten anywhere in life is by making the choice that I was worth it, then taking steps towards what I wanted to accomplish ... and standing up and fighting for myself when the need arose.



Outrider
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Feb 2014
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,001
Location: Australia

26 Sep 2016, 7:10 pm

Of course.

My goal is to move to Australia and live the aussie middle class life.

Oh wait, I was born in war torn central Africa and work hard labor at good gunpoint for food and 4¢ a day.

Even if i escape, i must survve a long boat trip in unsanitary conditions only tobve detained to Naru island detention centre, which also has unsuitable conditions.

And IF I get citizenship, I have no education, no skills and will be the victim of institutionalized racism.

And its all MY fault.

Choice is relative



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 41,707
Location: Queens, NYC

26 Sep 2016, 7:13 pm

That was precisely what happened with immigrants of 100 or so years ago to America.

They travelled under the deck of ships, in "steerage." Disease was rampant.

All the other stuff that Outrider mentioned was present, too.

But they were able to transcend all that.

There are many "minorities" in Australia who are transcending that, too.



the_phoenix
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jan 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,489
Location: up from the ashes

26 Sep 2016, 7:17 pm

Outrider wrote:
Of course.

My goal is to move to Australia and live the aussie middle class life.

Oh wait, I was born in war torn central Africa and work hard labor at good gunpoint for food and 4¢ a day.

Even if i escape, i must survve a long boat trip in unsanitary conditions only tobve detained to Naru island detention centre, which also has unsuitable conditions.

And IF I get citizenship, I have no education, no skills and will be the victim of institutionalized racism.

And its all MY fault.

Choice is relative


True, we are all born into different circumstances.
That said, we do have a choice when it comes to
our attitude.



Peacesells
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Sep 2014
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,351
Location: Anzio, Italy

26 Sep 2016, 7:36 pm

the_phoenix wrote:
I once had a "boyfriend" who tried to blame me because I didn't like him back.

Did he just feel that way or you are saying that you actually didn't like him back? If the case is the latter it's pretty f'd up, why get together with someone if you don't like him?



the_phoenix
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jan 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,489
Location: up from the ashes

26 Sep 2016, 7:51 pm

Peacesells wrote:
the_phoenix wrote:
I once had a "boyfriend" who tried to blame me because I didn't like him back.

Did he just feel that way or you are saying that you actually didn't like him back? If the case is the latter it's pretty f'd up, why get together with someone if you don't like him?


You will notice the word "boyfriend" was in quotes.
This is because he considered himself to be my boyfriend.
The truth was, he was too much of a coward to even ask me out.
The whole situation was really strange, the guy was a stalker.
When I first met him right at the beginning, I thought he might be okay at least as a friend ...
when I found out what he was really like, I didn't want him in my life at all.



Peacesells
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Sep 2014
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,351
Location: Anzio, Italy

26 Sep 2016, 7:58 pm

the_phoenix wrote:
You will notice the word "boyfriend" was in quotes.
This is because he considered himself to be my boyfriend.
The truth was, he was too much of a coward to even ask me out.
The whole situation was really strange, the guy was a stalker.
When I first met him right at the beginning, I thought he might be okay at least as a friend ...
when I found out what he was really like, I didn't want him in my life at all.

You will forgive me if the quotation marks were not enough for me to understand, but it is quite an atypical situation. Yeah he seems quite nuts lol.