Did I not get the hint?

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I am struggling a lot with a relationship that has been very important to me and would appreciate some outside perspective.

My boyfriend and I (long distance) were together for 9 mths. I know him through mutual friends, have known him a long time and we started out as best friends before deciding that our connection was so strong/unique that neither of us had felt it before and it was worth trying to do the long distance thing. Our relationship was mostly easy and just generally good, and I spent time with him in person (he's only 1 hr plane ride away)

A few months ago he told me he was experiencing a lot of stress/pressure and predicted that between then (September) and the end of the year, he wouldn't have much time/mental space for our relationship. He wasn't sure if we would survive that time since we already were long distance, but we agreed to stay together and I told him I'd be supportive. However, I wasn't - I got insecure and kept messaging him as much as before, would get very upset when he wouldn't respond for a few days and he would only message/call a little. He started getting angry with me over a few things I said/did, but I was too insecure to change it. Note: his reasons for being stressed are very valid but too much to go into here

We then had a phone call 6 weeks ago and I asked him if he wanted to break up and he stayed silent (I think meaning he was unsure). I then asked him why he hasn't broken up with me yet and he said "I thought things would get easier but they've just gotten harder. I have to step back from one of my priorities for now and unfortunately that is intimate relationships". I asked him when we could talk next and he said he didn't know. We hung up and a few days later, after he was continuing to ignore messages I had a bit of a meltdown and sent him what must have been 30 messages and a few missed phone calls - he'd expressed he didn't like this on the phone call. He didn't respond to any of it

I then stopped messaging for a week and sent him an apology, which he read. I have messaged once a week since then, either apologising or telling him I miss him/am proud of him/know he was doing his best. He still hasn't spoken to me in 6 weeks

It's only now that I'm looking back and wondering if that was a breakup line and I didn't get the hint? He knows I have ASD (and abandonment issues that I'm getting help for now since I kept being insecure with him). I find it hard to believe he would just "abandon" me like this when he obviously can tell I didn't get the hint since I've continued to try and be a supportive girlfriend

I've seen a counsellor and still can't figure it out. I don't know if he broke up with me, or just got overwhelmed/fed up and needed to take space. Do you think he might come back when things get easier for him?

I may have pushed him away but I haven't had any more meltdowns since apologising and promising to change

I honestly don't know how to respond to this or what might be going through your boyfriend's head... maybe you should just give him space and let him be the one to contact you next and when he does then talk things out. Send him a message where you tell him to contact you when it's a good moment for him so you can talk things out, then leave the next move to him. I think it's still possible that he wants to be with you, but that he thinks you're being too pushy and are making him uncomfortable... maybe. I've never been in a situation like that so I can't give advice that is based on experience, but I hope you find some kind of solution.

You've missed the hint big time, but it takes 2 to tango and to be fair he hasn't had the guts to make it clear to you where you stand which IMO is wrong.

It hurts, but there are other guys your part of the world waiting.
Sorry this has had to happen to yourself.

Spending hours everydsy in front of screen chating with someone is very tiring.

Eventually it feels like not a real relationship. It doesn’t feel like *living* a relationship.

This how LDRs typically end btw.

Long distant relationships usually turn sour. Especially when there is a breakdown in communication.

If he is not talking to you in 6 weeks, and he is ignoring all of your messages, then it is obvious that he does not want to be in a relationship with you. Time for you to move on.

He is not interested and counting on you giving up eventually. To me, he very clearly broke up with you by saying he doesn’t want intimate relationships. It’s a very clear message, I’d advise you to stop, unless you want a restraining order against you.

How often have you met face to face?

I can see you’re stuggling to let go. It’s normal for people to come up with reasons why they’re doing it as the thought they might come back is comforting. Just back off for a while, leave the ball in his court, and try to to do and think about other things. If he comes back, that’s great, but I wouldn’t count on it.