Aspie Love Stories

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My (AS) husband and I met in person the first time, but he lived really far away so at first we kept in touch (as friends) over the Internet. A couple years later he got a job near where I lived. We've been married 3½ years.

I have a lot of AS characteristics myself although I'm relatively NT, I guess. I don't like to play games and I want people to say what they mean, I ask "Why?" all the time, I obsess about my interests (ha, I spent 6 hours yesterday picking out the perfect Advent calendar for Christmas, *after* I'd already decided what brand of calendar I wanted so there was only a choice of maybe 5 different ones), I'm pretty introverted, don't make a lot of eye contact, couldn't catch a softball if it had Elmer's glue on it, etc. So in other words we relate really well to each other even though it does cause us some problems. But I relate better to him than I would to someone who was extremely outgoing and athletic even if that person were NT like I am.

I would actually tell you to try to balance Liverbird's and KevinLA's advice (and I'd tell the same thing to anyone on Earth, AS or not). There will always be things about you that are working and things that aren't. So if something's causing you difficulties, you need to decide if that's really something that's part of you, or something you'd rather work on changing. I don't think there's anything wrong with trying to change parts of your personality you don't like, and I don't think there's anything wrong with saying something is part of you so people need to deal with it.

One common example might be eye contact. If you feel that not making eye contact is somehow holding you back, you need to decide whether the benefits of learning to do it outweigh the discomfort or not. If you believe your life would be better if you could make eye contact even though it's uncomfortable to do so, then you should work on learning to do it. If you believe your life would be better if you didn't stress yourself out by trying to make eye contact and that stress would be far more than the good that came of it, then don't.

It's the same for anything, *no one* is born into the world with a perfect ability to fit in and make friends, *everyone* has to learn it to some extent or the other. Everyone's trying to find a balance between who they are and how they can get along in the world. Just because it's less natural for you than other people doesn't mean that it was automatic for everyone else.

wow

What ChelseaOcean said.
Sometimes you really need to try and act NT (job interviews, for example).
Trying to act NT all the time, however, would be a horrible way to live.
As with most things in life, finding balance is the key.

I'm happily married. That's my love story.

A little more than a year ago I was looking through these boards when I saw a message from someone who was transferring to a college in the same consortium as my college. I PM'ed him and we exchanged several messages before deciding to meet in person. When we met we found out how similar we are and how well we got along. We then began dating and the rest is history. Neither one of us had ever been in a relationship before, but we are extremely in synch with one another.

Well said, Liverbird.

How does one join Aspies dating sites?

The only comforting thing I can say is that I've had chances. And I've been well - in one that wasn't really anything with a girl who dumped me twice, and then I got in another that frightened me half to death being that she's a 16 year old girl with ADHD and it was a rough ride for me... that's about it... but in perspective - there's a guaranteed chance of success along the road - those chances aren't altogether uncommon.

Once I have something useful to say I'll get back to this lol. I can't think of anything constructive to say atm.

I have been married for 18 years now my husband(he is an Aspie and I am HFA) and I get along and are quite happy,neither of us could imagine life with out each other. Four or so years ago we did separate fort wo years but the problem was solved( He needed to treat a medical problem and the only way he would be convinced was to possibly lose me and the kids, so I ask him to leave rather then continue to get worse, until he got help and came back) We never stopped being in love or friends during that time though.

The really sad thing is that, out of 2 PAGES, there are really only 1 or 2 POSTS that are possibly relevant! Because of european/american society, you can forget about the females.

No offense to the females, but even the huge number of posts from them here, in this one thread, confirms what I am saying. For more evidence, look elsewhere on this forum.

One here said things that make me think he COULDN'T be an aspie, and he has contrary ideas anyway. One sounds more HFA and doesn't seem to want to commit. As for the women married to aspies, how often does that happen to someone by chance?

Frankly, I could use some cheering up myself, but my cynical nature(borne by experience) causes me to really look at things such as I have outlined here.

No, I am not alex's girlfriend. My boyfriend is a member here but doesn't post much anymore.

I had trouble finding a partner with whom I was compatible. Mostly I felt guys were too needy. In 2000, I met a wonderful guy in a place neither of us wanted to be, and something just clicked. A month later we were engaged, six months later we were married, and now - seven years later we're still happily married and we have two awesome children together. Communication can be tough, being that we're both aspies, but we get through it. He shuts down when confronted, I take DAYS to see what point he was trying to make, lol, but eventually we see eye to eye and we know eventually we do.

Don't get discouraged yet!

Reading KevinLA's post and then Liverbird's, all I could think was how I started out so much more serious and "old soul"-ish than my peers, and now they've caught up in a way, so they changed around me (who's happier/more satisfied now? Unpopular me, or the people who had a fantastic popular social life in jr high and high school? Happily married me, or some of my already-divorced classmates? Probably me.) Maybe they're the ones who had the developmental delay.