Aspie Love Stories

Post Reply New Topic

Well - I sort of remember 16. I was too messed up even to be concerned about loving / being loved - long story. I think that was the year I met in class a girl who might have been a person of interest if we had not moved - she was not one o the ones I eye-stalked, just very easy to be with. But we moved. A couple persons of interest later I mismarried. BIG advice - no matter how desperate, if you can help it do NOT go past the safety zone with anyone of whom you are not ABSOLUTELY sure. It was a long exhaustion - not a disaster, but not good. I met a person - my first true compatible spectrum person, freaslized it IS possible to be comnfortable and understood. That was not then available, but then I met a REALLY compatible REALLY complementary spectrum person, over 20 years back, all good, a very interesting spectrum son. It is a real joy to sit in chair A working my stuff while she sits in chair B wofrking hers; we push each other and hold one another back just about right.

MAIN THING: waiting can be hard, but it is worth it. The timke will come.

I was very unsuccessful with girls for the first few years - just couldn't work out what the conventions were. But I pulled out of the tailspin eventually, and have somehow found enough girlfriends to keep me from being partnerless ever since. You slowly pick up experiences that help you to be more eligible.

On the other hand, be careful what you wish for. Before I'd solved the problem of being partnerless, I thought all my troubles would be over if I could just get a girlfriend. What I found was that, on completing that task, my troubles were only just beginning.

So I don't have any heart-warming love stories.......mostly they're tragedies, and my memory of them is mostly negative. But I don't doubt that my partners cared about me. It was usually me who pulled the plug.

This guy asked for a love story, not tales of woe or stalking.

Stalking would be something more akin to what I did in middle school. It took college for me to figure out how dating was supposed to work. Fast forward.

I'm formally diagnosed with ADD. I decided that my exes all had aspie traits to them, so maybe I should be on the lookout for such people. After all there are some positive{+} things to it, and prior evidence shows that I am attracted to them, and that it works well. For one it helps me deal with my ADD.

There was someone who was in one of my online groups. Quiet, but at one point briefly mentioned that he was formally diagnosed. Not long after we met at a conference, and things just clicked. He says I'm the first person he's felt comfortable talking to. He's never dated before. Reasonably stereotypical. And utterly adorable and wonderful, as far as I care. We've been together for a while, and are looking at the long term now. We've been discussing the issues (mundane and mental){++} that would come up were we to get married. I wish there were more people on this forum who talked about this, but so far I've only seen "I'm so lonely" or "I was married for 30 years then found out". Oh well. :)

Things to note here:

* Meeting in person relatively early on showed us that both of us found the other hot.
* Most of our communication is online, so "talking" is easy.
* If you are an aspie and dating someone NT, give them help in understanding you: "I don't feel obligated to make small talk during long romantic walks, you shouldn't either; I'm not ignoring you or disliking you", "I don't like being touched like X" (depending on what X is, it could make your partner feel defective), "You will have to ask me to comfort you with a hug" --- your being explicit and blunt is an advantage here. You will have to remind them and repeat yourself. (We have been lucky in all these regards --- we are both similar, so maybe an aspie-aspie relationship will make some things easier. If you are the same type.)
* Where ever you are on the spectrum, a relationship is work. As long as you are in it.

And one bit of advice for the lonely: pick an activity that meets in groups which has lots of members of the opposite (or not) sex. Go. Make yourself available for *others* to "pick you up". For men, volunteering at an animal shelter might work. Women, an outdoor club. Who knows. :)


{+} Want to discuss that? Start a new thread. :P
{++} How to handle money as a couple, etc. How to handle meltdowns and two strong personalities who won't necessarily want to say anything. :)