confusion about mixed signals

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Thanks for your insights and advice, everyone who replied. I'm going to tell him this weekend when I see him. Will let you know how it goes...

I hope it goes well, if I can help at all, I'm here

maybe you just need to make make a very clear first move. perhaps he is shy

OK, I have another question. I noticed a pattern in my interaction with my aspie guy. He tends to act indifferent and seemingly cold to me when I'm the one who initiates contact with him (IM, phone). However, when he's the one who initiates contact with me, that's when he's super friendly and sweet. I almost feel like it's a "let him come to you" thing like when you're trying to pet a dog or something. Is this a not uncommon behavior with aspies? I'm an introvert so I understand and respect his need for space and alone time, but at the same time I don't want to be scared of contacting him if I need to talk to him. I'd almost rather that when he doesn't want to be bothered he make himself unavailable (i.e., log out of IM, turn off his phone for a while etc.) because I'd rather not talk to him when he's going to be indifferent/cold.

An (albeit frustrating) update for anyone who cares:

I told the aspie guy I like how I felt. One night we got on the topic of relationships and he admitted not ever having been in one before. I told him about my past relationships and he told me about his past rejections. I told him straight up that it was their loss and that I thought he was great and that I would want to date him. I mentioned this twice in the conversation, and each time he responded with a joke as if he were jokingly brushing off my comment. The second time I called him on it and he said that it was a defense mechanism thing he did. Judging by the way he looks at me and the nature of the compliments he gives me, I truly believe he likes me.

Basically, I still feel like I've gotten nowhere. If he's going to do the defense mechanism thing whenever I sincerely admit my feelings for him and not respond appropriately or explicitly reciprocate any feelings back, it's going to get on my nerves and make me want to give up on him. However, I'm so smitten by this guy that I can't imagine giving up on him. I can't stop thinking about him and want him more than anything, and to make it worse, I don't know what I mean to him because I can't break past his barriers. I'm easily at risk of becoming his doormat because I'm letting him interrupt my life so much while I'm pretty sure he's not letting me interrupt his. He's just going on with his own life as usual, I think.

To add more drama (as if I needed any in my life at the moment), I met a guy at school who I have developed a bit of a crush on. He's NT but in a lot of ways his personality is like my aspie guy, but he happens to be a lot more mature and stable in the emotions department and a good communicator. We're on acquaintance terms right now, but if he shows any interest in me I will be very tempted to pursue something with him. BUT something inside is making me feel like crap for even considering this guy because I'm just so in love with my aspie guy. Overall I like the aspie guy more, but it seems I'm not getting anywhere with no sign of getting anywhere in the near future. He can be difficult to read and to communicate with sometimes, his feelings toward me are obscure and uncertain and confusing, he's emotionally pretty immature and I'm not sure he can give me what I need in a relationship, but despite all this I'm smitten with him and have fallen in love with the person he is. I don't know what to do here...

I thought about giving him an ultimatum like "Look, are you interested in being in a relationship with me or not? " but I'm worried that might put him off somehow. And of course I'm scared of the answer being no. It would not only hurt me, but it would possibly change or affect the great friendship we have now. I really just wanted a relationship to develop naturally from our friendship...

well i wish id seen this thread before the update. as far as the detached coldness, it seems simple enough to me.. when he calls you he is excited etc when u call him hes uninterested. sounds to me like simple planning.. when he calls you he has a plan, an idea of what he wants to do an how things are supposed to go, probably even has lil speaches prepared for various situations. When you call him hes unprepared, he will be forced to freestyle which can be incredibly discomforting.

as far as the new guy thing goes, this is exactly what hes afraid of id imagine. from my own personal experience i can say i know the feeling of "wow this is so great, shame that eventually shes gonna meet some normal dood who isnt a total pain in the ass to deal with and who knows how to act etc, and im gonna be holding the bag again" this feeeds the coldness because if unprepared for a situation his shortcomings seem that much more pronounced to him and makes Joe NT look that much more appealing to you. catch 22. hes damned if he does and damned if he doesnt, so to protect himself he keeps his distance.

OK, so I told him and it got through to him what I meant exactly and my heart is now torn to pieces.