An online dilemma ... plz help.

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Days ago I made a thread about e-Friends : http://www.wrongplanet.net/forums-posti ... 25248.html and said that I don't believe in e-Friendships and e-relationships as real but just illusion.

Ironically ....I made a mistake that made a person to fall in such illusion.

There's that young girl about my age who lives in another country (in Africa) that I was chatting her for a month on msn . I 'knew' this girl years ago through a local online forum and she's very popular user there and she used to phone and meet many users there, according to others she's very sociable and popular in real life. (and based on her pics you can know that she has so many. She's quite smart and attractive herself.


I only added her about 1 month ago , we were used to chat daily about work (she's a doctor), movies , politics , family ...etc

We talked things of our past , she made it clear that she was always the popular type while I made it clear that I was always extremely introvert and totally a loner person.

We even talked about the e-friends/relation thing , I made it clear that I do not believe in such things



Yesterday , all of the sudden she had admitted me that she loves me and she sounded very sincere about it . (<myfirstname> , I luff you) , I asked what does she mean by luff and she said 'love' and she repeated the sentence several times during the convo.

I asked her if she was serious about it and she confirmed it.


I told her that the issue is that she never met me for real. She doesn't know exactly how I live and how my lifestyle. We never used webcam or spoke on phone. She doesn't even know my voice and my gestures.

She can never know all my flaws while talking online nor she can know 100% of my personality, she can't even know how I look exactly based on pics.

I told her all that, I told her that we have so different personalities and she replied "my main concern isn't going out and being social butterfly" (that totally puzzled me) and she said that she's not very extrovert since she doesn't love life much.

I made it clear that if she loves me online that doesn't mean she would love me for real, she might be disappointed or surprised from how different I am from her expectation. I have no idea why she loves me , when I asked her that she said "you'r nice and funny , I like you. where's the big deal ? plus you're human" (plus you're human?! ! what reason is that?)


She told me that she's planning to go to Lebanon one day since she has a lot of online friends here and she wants to meet me.

My future is totally uncertain , I might not stay in Lebanon for so long and hell knows how and where my future would be, it was the last thing to want is to make a girl from another country attached to me , an online relationship is the last thing I am seeking for. I wasn't expecting anything like that and I didn't even see it coming.
I am feeling guilty , I shouldn't add her in the first place ...she's starting to be little obsessed, should I cut it before becoming more hurtful for her? How can I do that?

(After solving that , I will never chat with someone from the opposite sex on such deep level,never.)

it sounds like you are scared. hit it and never talk to it again

just tell this girl up front that you do not like her like that, but only as friends.
if she doesnt listen and keeps telling you she "luff"'s you, tell her where to go!
ill deal with her if you like.

look at mine? http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt86020.html

Dont cut her out of your life as its good to practice dealing with people who are attracted to you. There is no reason why you cant remain friends. People get carried away online and often are not as up front (or scarey) when you meet them.

Make some ground rules for your self so that you can stay comfortable in the situation, for example mine are- only write every 2 days, no giving out home number, no telling my address, meeting in public. Sometimes people can over whelm me with their correspondence so the writing every 2 days is a good one.

You can always tell her that your saving yourself for me, marry me and you get to live in England

Well..after reading what you have written i have a feeling
you are putting alot more into the "i love you", then she
is. I woudn`t be at all surprised if she used this expression
to alot of people she liked, it doesn`t mean more then you
put into it, and you are putting alot into it. People say these
things, that doesn`t automatically mean that they want
to marry you and have your children.

""she's very popular user there and she used to phone and meet
many users there, according to others she's very sociable and
popular in real life""

So she hang around alot of people, including you. No need to
feel to special about it.

""she's starting to be little obsessed""

No, thats you i`m afraid, not her from what i can tell.

What a deal!
I would say the best way to deal with it is to treat it like any other relationship where the girl likes you but you don't return the feelings.
There is nothing wrong with not returning her feelings, just how it works, and if she doesn't understand that she needs to learn.
As for cutting her out, I don't know why that would be necessary. I've got plenty of girls I like that don't return the feelings. We still hangout and have a great time though.

Online relationships can be hard, but I wouldn't say they are bad or wrong, as long as you know where your guidelines are set and don't cross them. I actually enjoy the online ones better, as I am more open since there aren't really any "consequences" for whatever you talk about. (You can rant about a separate friend and they can't rat you out for example)

Also, "luff" is generally used as a lesser form of "love". For instance, a young girl would "luff" her stuffed teddy bear.
Edit- Even if she says "love" that doesn't necessarily mean much. I have a friend I'm gonna see this weekend in fact. I'm not attractive to her at all, but she "loves" me (usually will say "<name> that's why I love you" or such). It is used more as a form of endearment in that case than a marriage proposal. Sorta like the difference between "like" and "like like" (used around the age of 10). By the same token, there is "love" and there is "love love". The first is just a "friends only" attraction, the second is marriage material.

Well, you ask for help so all i can tell you
is that everything in your post tells me that
you are reading to much into it, she`s not
the problem here. I see nothing pointing
to anything else. Maybe not much help
but thats what i see.

Something seems fishy when someone socially competent and popular is trying for an online relationship and claims she loves a man online.

When I chatted with women online it was totally not the case. Women who were socially competent and popular would NOT give me the time of day. Those who were quite the opposite might have.

Which African country is this young lady from?

love is like temporary madness. I think she's been projecting her expectations of a perfect partner on you and since she had no way of confronting them with reality she developed this attachment to a fictional persona that she perceives to be you.

she will one day laugh about it but for now the best you can do (in my opinion) is to explain to her, rationally and to the point, that she is mistaken and not thinking clearly, then cutting her off until she comes to her senses.

at least that's what I'd do.

good luck!

Do you like her at all, OP?

If you made it clear that you don't believe in online love, and then she somehow comes out saying she's in love with you, she's just weird, and I'd stop talking to her.

Half the people you'll meet on the internet are weird, anyway.