Difference between 'crushes' and 'falling in love'?

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Pergerlady
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17 Apr 2016, 12:07 pm

Love is a completely different feeling from having a crush, and it is difficult to explain. You'll probably figure it out when it happens. A crush or infatuation could be confused with love, especially by a young person who has never been in love before. With a crush, you simply obsess and daydream about the person in question. I personally think that you have to know someone for many years before love can happen; love is somehow both more mellow and more intense than infatuation. Love is when the person in question drives you crazy, but you still don't know how you could live without them.



rdos
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17 Apr 2016, 1:45 pm

Pergerlady wrote:
Love is a completely different feeling from having a crush, and it is difficult to explain. You'll probably figure it out when it happens. A crush or infatuation could be confused with love, especially by a young person who has never been in love before.


I'm not exactly young, I still enjoy crushes, and I regard them as love.

Pergerlady wrote:
With a crush, you simply obsess and daydream about the person in question.


Right. That's what creates the strong attachment we typically call love.

Pergerlady wrote:
I personally think that you have to know someone for many years before love can happen; love is somehow both more mellow and more intense than infatuation. Love is when the person in question drives you crazy, but you still don't know how you could live without them.


No, love is less intense than infatuation. Infatuation is the strongest feeling I know of, and love is simply a strong bond with somebody that for me always starts with a crush.



rdos
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17 Apr 2016, 1:54 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Crushes don't last, or they don't become anything with more depth.


A crush can last for quite some time, at least a few years. For me, a crush and obsessing about her is mandatory for love to develop. There simply is no other way to love. Everything else would be a friendship only.



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18 Apr 2016, 4:46 pm

Homer_Bob wrote:
There's a big difference. You usually have crushes on people you don't know very well but you like, whether it's physically or for their personality. People usually don't take crushes seriously. To put it simply, crushes could be something as simple as lusting over someone or simply finding them appealing. Love is much different, you can't fall in love with a person you don't know well. That's the way it is. You love someone if you love them unconditionally. You have to know a person for a very long time before you love them. You have to fully accept the person for who they are. Loving someone after knowing them for a week as an example is totally ridiculous and unrealistic.


I am not so sure you have to know a person for a very long time before you love them, it didn't seem to take that long for me and my boyfriend to feel that way about each other though it was longer than a week before either of us was sure. But I do agree that you do have to actually get to know someone and accept them for who they are(not try to change this or that about them) before you could accurately say you love them...otherwise its more likely you just like the idea of being in love, but maybe not that person.


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18 Apr 2016, 4:48 pm

rdos wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Crushes don't last, or they don't become anything with more depth.


A crush can last for quite some time, at least a few years. For me, a crush and obsessing about her is mandatory for love to develop. There simply is no other way to love. Everything else would be a friendship only.


Yes that is how you specifically see it....without the crush and obsessing it can only be friendship. But clearly as most people don't see it that way there must be other ways to love, you mean that is the only way for you to fall in love.


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rdos
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19 Apr 2016, 1:45 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
rdos wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Crushes don't last, or they don't become anything with more depth.


A crush can last for quite some time, at least a few years. For me, a crush and obsessing about her is mandatory for love to develop. There simply is no other way to love. Everything else would be a friendship only.


Yes that is how you specifically see it....without the crush and obsessing it can only be friendship. But clearly as most people don't see it that way there must be other ways to love, you mean that is the only way for you to fall in love.


Sure. Everybody doesn't see it the same way, which was the point. Also, people that are asexual need something to differentiate a relationship from a friendship, and requiring a crush is an excellent way to handle that. Otherwise there would basically be no difference. Many people would define a relationship based on the presence of sex and "intimacy", but that wouldn't work for somebody asexual. I also suspect that the view that "love takes time" is based on bonding with sex, which happens after some time, so this view is actually based on having regular sex, and it implies that love develops because of regular sex.