He won't stop texting me and its becoming weird

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Anna_K
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17 Jul 2017, 4:11 pm

Last week I went to an overnight camp/transition program for teens and young adults with disabilities. It basically taught independent living skills such as cooking, budgeting, and we did other fun activities too. I met a lot of new friends and we all exchanged contact info.

One of the guys there starts texting me an hour after I got home on the last day. It starts out fine but then he starts calling me beautiful, saying all this stuff, and then confessing that he likes me. I was very flattered, but I really don't feel the same way. I told him right away that I didn't feel the same. He told me he understood and he isn't mad. We still text but the way he texts me is a little obsessive and weird. If I don't answer within 10 minutes, he'll keep bombarding me with messages or say "answer me". Or he'll send the same message over again till I respond. I charge my phone for 30 mins and I come back to 6+ messages, half of which say "answer me", "please message back", or "I saw you on Instagram/Facebook/Snapchat etc". I got creeped out by the last one cuz I feel like I'm being monitored/stalked. He may or may not be on the spectrum as well as a speech impediment/physical disability, judging by his behaviour.

I am in contact with some others from the program, we are planning a meetup next month. Not sure how I would feel if he was there. I don't know if blocking him is a bit extreme, if I do he might tell the others and then its gonna be awkward when we see each other next month. I don't have feelings for him (and I made that clear), but I don't want to upset him either. Should I block him, ignore the texts, or tell him not to text me so much?



boofle
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17 Jul 2017, 4:48 pm

Anna_K wrote:
Should I block him, ignore the texts, or tell him not to text me so much?


"yes!", "yes!", but if you cannot do the first two then, "hell, yes!", on the last bit. what weirded ME out was the resends of the same text 8O

you need to nip this in the bud. sod awkwardness. he clearly doesn't understand the message/or doesn't want to understand, despite the fact that you were clear in that the attraction wasn't both ways...MAKE him understand.

this guy needs a lesson in boundaries, it would be in both your best interests for you to do that imo. firmly.

give him a warning that he is making you uncomfortable, first, if it makes you feel better... explain exactly why you are doing what you are doing, so he cannot pretend to not understand.

if he still persists. block!



CharityGoodyGrace
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17 Jul 2017, 7:09 pm

I have a friend who at first said he was too old for me but then was madly in love with me and ready to fly me into the US to be with him... I ended up with another guy instead and then left the other guy, but this guy claimed to be waiting for me the whole time and then he was asking for sexual pics of me even after he got a long-term girlfriend and had had her for a long time. So you NEVER know who you can or can't trust. It also turned out I couldn't trust the person I was with for a while; he treated me like crap behind my back even when we were still together (gossip, name-calling behind my back, assumptions made about me, terrible things said).



whatamievendoing
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18 Jul 2017, 6:25 am

He does sound like he has a loose screw or two. I'd suggest you disconnect from him - somehow I can only see bad things following if you don't.


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Summer_Twilight
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18 Jul 2017, 9:32 am

I had a friend who lived a very sheltered life because her parents looked at her disabilities and were constantly afraid of her "Getting hurt," so they lived in an area that was isolated from society and she was very lonely. When she would meet someone, my friend became very clingy and would call and text them excessively. So I ended up having to cut her from my life because she expected me to spend every minute of my life making her happy.

I had tried to set boundaries for her many times but she didn't listen so I cut her out of my life. You could try telling him that you need space and not to text you so much. If he continues to contact you, then you can either block him or call the police because this is getting to the levels of harassment.



boofle
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18 Jul 2017, 12:17 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
I had a friend who lived a very sheltered life because her parents looked at her disabilities and were constantly afraid of her "Getting hurt," so they lived in an area that was isolated from society and she was very lonely. When she would meet someone, my friend became very clingy and would call and text them excessively. So I ended up having to cut her from my life because she expected me to spend every minute of my life making her happy.

I had tried to set boundaries for her many times but she didn't listen so I cut her out of my life. You could try telling him that you need space and not to text you so much. If he continues to contact you, then you can either block him or call the police because this is getting to the levels of harassment.



funny...over in GAD there is a thread, that one would think had been posted in the haven given the responses, listing all the "enemies" this OP has and if you look down the list, other than the odd arsehole, the rest are ALL women that have been forced to resort to the above (my bold)...
yet not a single poster has called the OP on it, nor urged him to re-learn the basic principles of boundaries, because you don't get blocked that many times without something not being right.

and here in this sub-forum is a thread that paints the "other side" of that picture. the alarm it causes someone. the anxiety.


OP,

i forgot to mention this before but, unless you have a block function on your phone, and even if you do, i'd suggest giving out your number is only something one should do after a decent length of time/you have gotten to know someone and ascertained they aren't going to morph into klingon on you.
one can switch off from social media but, the phone is something most of us keep nearby...jmo.



Summer_Twilight
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18 Jul 2017, 8:34 pm

In my situation, I had known my friend for 8 year before cutting it off with her. Anyway, Boofle has a very good point about meeting people and give out your number right away.


This is off topic Boofle but is that Alucard in as your avatar? Hellsing is the best anime around



boofle
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19 Jul 2017, 11:36 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
This is off topic Boofle but is that Alucard in as your avatar? Hellsing is the best anime around


yes! and yes! :rabbit: (because it's my favourite too)



Victor1985
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19 Jul 2017, 12:24 pm

When you're in this sort of situation, you dont need to do a single thing. You dont even need to read the txts. Delete them before reading if you want.


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20 Jul 2017, 1:53 am

Anna_K wrote:
Last week I went to an overnight camp/transition program for teens and young adults with disabilities. It basically taught independent living skills such as cooking, budgeting, and we did other fun activities too. I met a lot of new friends and we all exchanged contact info.

One of the guys there starts texting me an hour after I got home on the last day. It starts out fine but then he starts calling me beautiful, saying all this stuff, and then confessing that he likes me. I was very flattered, but I really don't feel the same way. I told him right away that I didn't feel the same. He told me he understood and he isn't mad. We still text but the way he texts me is a little obsessive and weird. If I don't answer within 10 minutes, he'll keep bombarding me with messages or say "answer me". Or he'll send the same message over again till I respond. I charge my phone for 30 mins and I come back to 6+ messages, half of which say "answer me", "please message back", or "I saw you on Instagram/Facebook/Snapchat etc". I got creeped out by the last one cuz I feel like I'm being monitored/stalked. He may or may not be on the spectrum as well as a speech impediment/physical disability, judging by his behaviour.

I am in contact with some others from the program, we are planning a meetup next month. Not sure how I would feel if he was there. I don't know if blocking him is a bit extreme, if I do he might tell the others and then its gonna be awkward when we see each other next month. I don't have feelings for him (and I made that clear), but I don't want to upset him either. Should I block him, ignore the texts, or tell him not to text me so much?


As a female, there will be many times in life where you will have to enforce boundaries to protect yourself, and this is not anything you should feel bad about.

If someone is pursuing you, since they want something from you, you decide the terms.

If I did not want someone contacting me often, or at all, I would tell them. I would also block anyone who I didn't want looking at my online activities.



anti_gone
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20 Jul 2017, 3:55 pm

Just block him.



Anna_K
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22 Jul 2017, 3:09 pm

OP here, thanks for all your responses!!
I have muted notifications from him on all social media and text, as well as put him on the restricted list on my social media as I do not wish to be monitored by him. I haven't blocked him entirely cuz I know he's gonna call me out on it when/if I see him next month for the group meetup.

I was texting one of the other girls from the program about it and she said that he would say similar things if she didn't respond, minus a confession about being interested in her romantically(I didn't tell her about that part). She kind of excuses it cuz he has a physical disability and speech impediment, and probably AS/autism. If he was NT of course she would probably label him as a creep.

He wants everyone to come to his house sometime in August for the meetup and I am trying to find a way to get out of it. I would rather it be in a public place and not in his house in particular.



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22 Jul 2017, 4:07 pm

Anna_K wrote:
She kind of excuses it cuz he has a physical disability and speech impediment, and probably AS/autism. If he was NT of course she would probably label him as a creep.

He wants everyone to come to his house sometime in August for the meetup and I am trying to find a way to get out of it. I would rather it be in a public place and not in his house in particular.


In my Star Trek club, there was a member who was blind. Notice I said "was" a member. He had quite a reputation for acting like a creep towards women, pressuring them to give him a phone number and then he'd keep calling all the time, reaching out and holding their hands, making unwelcome comments. He would try this on new female members, some of whom got scared off and quit the club. Finally, his most recent victim complained, and he ended up being kicked out of the club. As for me, I never gave him my phone number. Too bad he was so pushy, because in some ways he was really cool. Bottom line: He used his disability to excuse his crappy, disrespectful behavior, until one day it just went too far.

As for your meetup at the guy's house you're describing in August? By coincidence, in that same Star Trek club, a lady who treated me rudely in the past is holding the August meeting at her house. I've already told the guy in charge of the club that I will not be attending the August meeting.

As for what you describe about the weird guy texting you, there's no way I would ever go to his house.
That's my opinion ... trust your gut and be safe.

To politely decline, you can say something like:

"I'm sorry, I'm very busy and just can't attend the August meeting."