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Marknis
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19 Aug 2017, 10:15 pm

Whenever I am out in the social world, it feels like everyone else has company with them while I am a lost soul. Could I be overthinking or looking at this the wrong way?

I fear that my chances to make friends shrink with every year I go through and every missed oppurtunity means I'll have to wait longer for the next one.



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20 Aug 2017, 12:57 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Canary wrote:
I feel the same way, but it's unlikely I'll be the only one who loses friends or moves. A lot of people are also busy raising kids, which I'm not.


There are lots of kids who are rejected by their parents or have lost one or the other and end up in special programs that you can volunteer in like "Big Brothers and Sisters"


I've actually considered this once or twice. Thing is, I'm not exactly a role model even if I care about struggling kids.



Marknis
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20 Aug 2017, 5:47 pm

Canary wrote:
Summer_Twilight wrote:
Canary wrote:
I feel the same way, but it's unlikely I'll be the only one who loses friends or moves. A lot of people are also busy raising kids, which I'm not.


There are lots of kids who are rejected by their parents or have lost one or the other and end up in special programs that you can volunteer in like "Big Brothers and Sisters"


I've actually considered this once or twice. Thing is, I'm not exactly a role model even if I care about struggling kids.


I used to dream about being an example for struggling kids and showing them that you can still have a good life even if you struggled at first. A part of me still hopes that but with the way things are going in my life, that dream grows dimmer and dimmer like a dying flame.



Summer_Twilight
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21 Aug 2017, 7:47 am

That's your problem right there. Those kids don't need a hero, they need a friend and someone to do things with. When you get involved in helping others, then you get your mind off yourself.



Marknis
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21 Aug 2017, 10:31 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
That's your problem right there. Those kids don't need a hero, they need a friend and someone to do things with. When you get involved in helping others, then you get your mind off yourself.


That sounds better than what I was told in my developmental years. I was told things like "Stop making yourself sad! God's got a plan for you!" in a very judgmental and condescending tone. I felt deceived when the depression kicked in after being told so much that God would lead my life in a favorable direction because it just didn't feel like it. I didn't have many friends, I didn't have a girlfriend, I had no idea what I wanted to do for a career, and I struggled with hobbies. I was, and in some ways still, a lost soul.

The Bible Belt is a very sick place. I am just glad I rose above the brainwashing that was pushed on to me.



shortfatbalduglyman
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21 Aug 2017, 12:55 pm

More inconvenient after college, but not "too late"

If you have a job, then work takes time and energy that you could not use to make friends

If you have a job, you have distraction and diversion from lonely or left out emotions

If you have a job, you could make friends with your coworkers. It is convenient to interact with them. If you have a falling out with coworkers, then you can't escape them

If you have no job, that (could) drastically limit your income, so you can't afford much recreational expenses

Plenty of prospective "friends" were obsessed with the fact that I had and have no job. They kept bothering me about getting a job. They treated me with less dignity and respect than they treated their other friends

But that could have been for any other reason

:roll:

If you have no job you have plenty of time to make friends. But, during the day time, a disproportionate number of those friends will also have no jobs.



Marknis
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21 Aug 2017, 6:16 pm

My job does not distract me and most of my co-workers are older and bitter married or divorced women who I have no desire to hang out with.

I honestly don't know how to make friends. All my friendships usually happened out of luck.



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22 Aug 2017, 1:19 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
That's your problem right there. Those kids don't need a hero, they need a friend and someone to do things with. When you get involved in helping others, then you get your mind off yourself.


I do volunteer work, though... my mind's not exactly "on myself". Thanks, though.



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22 Aug 2017, 4:36 pm

People drift apart from old friends when their lives change. It doesn't necessarily mean they hated you. That is the age when people start to have families and careers. It is sad but it's normal. I'm in a similar situation, but different reasons. i always pushed people away because I just don't socialize well. When I was younger I had a core group of friends that I could fall back on. Now I have been through an 8 year marriage, and a 5 year relationship on top of that. I have kids so I never had time for friends anyway outside of their and my families. Now that these relationships are over it has been a sobering experience. I don't have the people I knew through them anymore and I don't have people of my own.
My old friends have new lives and they never really got me anyway, so I don't want to go back to that really. I don't have any connections to make new ones and I'm not very likable. I'm not mean or anything, just not much fun. Music makes me nervous, I don't like to go places, I get all awkward when talking to people exc... Making and having friends is alot of work, even for NTs. For me it is terrifying as well.
I don't even want to go do the things friends do (what do friends do??). It's just really lonely not having anyone at all to tell things to when I get excited about something.
I'm sorry if I am not much help. I think making friends is hard for a lot of people here. You are definitely not alone in this :cry:



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22 Aug 2017, 7:33 pm

It's never too late to make new friends, it's just relationships become more complicated as you age. People become more complicated.


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Summer_Twilight
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23 Aug 2017, 7:54 am

Canary wrote:
Summer_Twilight wrote:
That's your problem right there. Those kids don't need a hero, they need a friend and someone to do things with. When you get involved in helping others, then you get your mind off yourself.


I do volunteer work, though... my mind's not exactly "on myself". Thanks, though.


1. That's good because that's where you will build up skills and learn to network with people because volunteering can lead to a job.
2. Take it one day at a time
3. I was referring Marnkis getting his mind off himself because every suggestion we give him he shoots them down with complaints. I have heard that helping others when you are depressed can make one realize that they could have it so much worse.



Marknis
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23 Aug 2017, 8:30 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Canary wrote:
Summer_Twilight wrote:
That's your problem right there. Those kids don't need a hero, they need a friend and someone to do things with. When you get involved in helping others, then you get your mind off yourself.


I do volunteer work, though... my mind's not exactly "on myself". Thanks, though.


1. That's good because that's where you will build up skills and learn to network with people because volunteering can lead to a job.
2. Take it one day at a time
3. I was referring Marnkis getting his mind off himself because every suggestion we give him he shoots them down with complaints. I have heard that helping others when you are depressed can make one realize that they could have it so much worse.


You misunderstood my response to your last post directed at me. Please read it again. It's not shooting down what you are saying, just saying how sick the Bible Belt is and how the whole "God has a plan for you" mentality was a bad thing to tell me. I feel more in control of my life doing things myself than sitting around and wondering if God will do it for me.

I did get my mind off myself when I took some library books to my elderly grandmother who lives about 30 or so minutes away from where I live. I am capable of helping others.



Marknis
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23 Aug 2017, 9:10 am

emmasma wrote:
People drift apart from old friends when their lives change. It doesn't necessarily mean they hated you. That is the age when people start to have families and careers. It is sad but it's normal. I'm in a similar situation, but different reasons. i always pushed people away because I just don't socialize well. When I was younger I had a core group of friends that I could fall back on. Now I have been through an 8 year marriage, and a 5 year relationship on top of that. I have kids so I never had time for friends anyway outside of their and my families. Now that these relationships are over it has been a sobering experience. I don't have the people I knew through them anymore and I don't have people of my own.
My old friends have new lives and they never really got me anyway, so I don't want to go back to that really. I don't have any connections to make new ones and I'm not very likable. I'm not mean or anything, just not much fun. Music makes me nervous, I don't like to go places, I get all awkward when talking to people exc... Making and having friends is alot of work, even for NTs. For me it is terrifying as well.
I don't even want to go do the things friends do (what do friends do??). It's just really lonely not having anyone at all to tell things to when I get excited about something.
I'm sorry if I am not much help. I think making friends is hard for a lot of people here. You are definitely not alone in this :cry:


No need to apologize, emma. It's actually eye opening to be told I am not the only one.

Surprisingly, my mother, one of the most social people I know, has told me she has no childhood friends except for one.

One of the people who cut ties with me told me directly "I don't like you." and something else before she said "I am not your friend." just to be mean and harsh.

SilverProteus wrote:
It's never too late to make new friends, it's just relationships become more complicated as you age. People become more complicated.


Especially in the Bible Belt. Some are starting to realize they can't hide the cracks in their masks anymore because it's eating them up from the inside but residual societal brainwashing still remains in their minds. It still happens to me but I overcome it after a while.



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23 Aug 2017, 11:52 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Canary wrote:
Summer_Twilight wrote:
That's your problem right there. Those kids don't need a hero, they need a friend and someone to do things with. When you get involved in helping others, then you get your mind off yourself.


I do volunteer work, though... my mind's not exactly "on myself". Thanks, though.


1. That's good because that's where you will build up skills and learn to network with people because volunteering can lead to a job.
2. Take it one day at a time
3. I was referring Marnkis getting his mind off himself because every suggestion we give him he shoots them down with complaints. I have heard that helping others when you are depressed can make one realize that they could have it so much worse.


Sorry, I appreciate that you're trying to help, but I wasn't asking for your advice or input on my life. I have people to talk to if I require help.

It's less confusing if you quote or name the person you're talking to directly on a forum.



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24 Aug 2017, 8:25 am

Canary wrote:
Summer_Twilight wrote:
Canary wrote:
Summer_Twilight wrote:
That's your problem right there. Those kids don't need a hero, they need a friend and someone to do things with. When you get involved in helping others, then you get your mind off yourself.


I do volunteer work, though... my mind's not exactly "on myself". Thanks, though.


1. That's good because that's where you will build up skills and learn to network with people because volunteering can lead to a job.
2. Take it one day at a time
3. I was referring Marnkis getting his mind off himself because every suggestion we give him he shoots them down with complaints. I have heard that helping others when you are depressed can make one realize that they could have it so much worse.


Sorry, I appreciate that you're trying to help, but I wasn't asking for your advice or input on my life. I have people to talk to if I require help.

It's less confusing if you quote or name the person you're talking to directly on a forum.


I am sorry you feel that way.



Marknis
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24 Aug 2017, 9:06 am

Again, I wasn't shooting down your last post to me. Did you even read what I posted?