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Marknis
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21 Oct 2017, 12:53 am

I get conflicting messages in regards to the social world. I often hear the phrase "Be yourself!" thrown around a lot but it honestly seems like a lot of people follow the crowd more than anything.
I am sometimes told to be myself but if I mention how I am not religious or have different interests, I get told "No, don't say those things!" which contradicts what they were just saying. When people say to be yourself, do they truly mean it or is it only as long as you tow the line?



liminal
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21 Oct 2017, 2:11 am

"Be yourself" seems to me to be useless rhetoric. A cheap way of sounding profound without actually putting in the effort needed when giving helpful advice ...

Whenever I've introspected I've only ever witnessed emptiness. How can I be myself if there is nothing there for me to be!

I recall when I was younger: nearly every time I was walking with a crowd of people, I would stray several steps behind the crowd, and more or less follow behind them, alone. A literal interpretation of "following the crowd". Heh heh ...


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Fireblossom
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21 Oct 2017, 5:45 am

I think that what "be yourself" means depends on who says it and when. Some might just want to encourage people with it without really meaning anything, some might be trying to tell a shy person to not try so hard to appear... not shy? And some might mean that don't pretend to be interested in things you aren't etc.

In the example you gave I think those people might have meant that it's okay not to pretend to be social or outgoing if you're not, but they weren't interested in hearing your opinions on things, just that you'd act differently and not make yourself uncomfortable. It could also be that they wanted you to be yourself, but when they found out that you're too different from them to their liking they changed their minds and would find it easier if you weren't yourself after all.



impendingtacticallama
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21 Oct 2017, 7:02 am

It's a really subjective statement. It depends on who you are and what you value.

I think the best you can do is find people you're comfortable being yourself with, and accept that there will be more stringent limits on behaviour around everybody else. For instance I would never dare talk about anime or Japanese video games around anybody but my closest friends, but this doesn't mean I can't have a nice time with more superficial friends and acquaintances.



shortfatbalduglyman
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21 Oct 2017, 9:00 pm

it depends on your situation.

for example i am transgender. in san diego 2004, when i started Gender Therapy, got a lot of social rejection. almost nobody agreed to call me "he" instead of "she". precious lil "people" had the nerve to look me up and down, physically assault me, call me "fa***t", ask what bathroom i went to, and laugh at me.

but in berkeley 2017, the situation is different.

likewise in some countries, in some years, some homophobes murdered and raped allegedly LGBT people.

it's easy to "be yourself" if you are in the majority. cisgender, heterosexual, neurotypical. majority nationality. majority sex. standard height/weight. normal personality. and et cetera.

then you can "be yourself" and follow the crowd.

if you are in the minority that is different.

then you choose to "be yourself" or follow the crowd.

it is good to seek out a group that is similar to you.

however it is also good to have a wide variety of social interactions and friendships.

but maybe that is too idealistic.

it is up to you.

whatever you choose. you could "be yourself" in some ways, ie. religion. and you could follow the crowd in other ways, such as how you dress.



ms.utopia
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21 Oct 2017, 10:25 pm

Hello, I think we should be ourselves. It means that we stay true to our identity. For example if you are an introvert in your core personality, you can't change into extrovert.

But you can change your behaviour to adapt to your environment. It doesn't mean you change into someone else, yet you learn to get along with other. Being an introvert I don't enjoy keep meeting a lot of people everyday, so I don't push myself to do so. Yet, when I have to do it, I try my best to open myself, welcome others, and join the conversations.

Hopefully it can help :D



Embla
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21 Oct 2017, 11:15 pm

Yeah, it definitely depends on who you are.
The expression is pretty stupid to me. No one actually means "be yourself" (because obviously I can't be anyone else) they just mean "act however you feel like".
I get that people who say "be yourself" only mean well, but they do not realize that many people's "self" is a lot different from theirs, and doesn't fit their frame of what is acceptable behaviour. That's why they'll encourage you to be yourself but then change their minds when they see who that is.
Just look at children. They probably get to hear "just be yourself" all the time, along with "sit up straight" "shut up" and a whole bunch of "don't do that".

For me, acting however I feel like is definitely easier than conforming. I feel best when I'm confident enough to stim in public, or dare to reject touching, or just don't care so much about what I'm saying. But that just doesn't work out all the time. I have to choose the situations where I can be myself and where to act accordingly. I will watch what I'm saying if talking to a new acquaintance, and I will keep myself from stimming in a job interview and definitely shake the hand of my new boss.
I guess we have to do more acting than the average human, but no NT is themselves all the time either.
I think it should just be interpreted as "you are good enough the way you are, and you should play it out unless the situation requires something else."