When Aspie women and Aspie men don't get along

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Marknis
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23 Oct 2017, 6:35 pm

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
Ragnahawk wrote:
karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
ZachGoodwin wrote:
How am I doing any of that? I'm only assuming what you are thinking based on what you are saying like what you are doing with me. There is a women's discussion part of this forum if you feel that only men can't see from your perspective, since love and dating is open to men and women. Sorry for the misunderstanding.


If you're not one of the guys who does the things I mentioned, them I'm not talking about you. I never said every single guy here does that. Some guys were nice to me. But there were enough making the environment hostile to women that I don't want to participate in certain forums anymore.

If you were like water when you talk, people would not find weakpoints to attack you. Stop being opinion based towards men in general. It ain't like we chose our gender. You also should respect that females make the same kind of attack on males. What creates the strong divide is culture. It's okay to be offended over little things as a female. While being offended as a man is seen as weakness. You should try being a little stronger. I want equality too. It's gonna happen unless both genders get over their genders and accept each other for their flaws and culture.


I'll work on being stronger so people won't attack me, and I'll start by telling you to piss off and what you wrote here is BS.


What's BS about his post? I don't see him attacking anyone with his words. It looks like to me he wants to dissolve the divide between the genders.



karathraceandherspecialdestiny
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23 Oct 2017, 6:38 pm

Marknis wrote:
karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
Ragnahawk wrote:
karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
ZachGoodwin wrote:
How am I doing any of that? I'm only assuming what you are thinking based on what you are saying like what you are doing with me. There is a women's discussion part of this forum if you feel that only men can't see from your perspective, since love and dating is open to men and women. Sorry for the misunderstanding.


If you're not one of the guys who does the things I mentioned, them I'm not talking about you. I never said every single guy here does that. Some guys were nice to me. But there were enough making the environment hostile to women that I don't want to participate in certain forums anymore.

If you were like water when you talk, people would not find weakpoints to attack you. Stop being opinion based towards men in general. It ain't like we chose our gender. You also should respect that females make the same kind of attack on males. What creates the strong divide is culture. It's okay to be offended over little things as a female. While being offended as a man is seen as weakness. You should try being a little stronger. I want equality too. It's gonna happen unless both genders get over their genders and accept each other for their flaws and culture.


I'll work on being stronger so people won't attack me, and I'll start by telling you to piss off and what you wrote here is BS.


What's BS about his post? I don't see him attacking anyone with his words. It looks like to me he wants to dissolve the divide between the genders.


First of all, it's victim-blaming to tell a woman she can avoid being attacked by sexist men by being "stronger".



Marknis
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23 Oct 2017, 6:54 pm

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
Marknis wrote:
karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
Ragnahawk wrote:
karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
ZachGoodwin wrote:
How am I doing any of that? I'm only assuming what you are thinking based on what you are saying like what you are doing with me. There is a women's discussion part of this forum if you feel that only men can't see from your perspective, since love and dating is open to men and women. Sorry for the misunderstanding.


If you're not one of the guys who does the things I mentioned, them I'm not talking about you. I never said every single guy here does that. Some guys were nice to me. But there were enough making the environment hostile to women that I don't want to participate in certain forums anymore.

If you were like water when you talk, people would not find weakpoints to attack you. Stop being opinion based towards men in general. It ain't like we chose our gender. You also should respect that females make the same kind of attack on males. What creates the strong divide is culture. It's okay to be offended over little things as a female. While being offended as a man is seen as weakness. You should try being a little stronger. I want equality too. It's gonna happen unless both genders get over their genders and accept each other for their flaws and culture.


I'll work on being stronger so people won't attack me, and I'll start by telling you to piss off and what you wrote here is BS.


What's BS about his post? I don't see him attacking anyone with his words. It looks like to me he wants to dissolve the divide between the genders.


First of all, it's victim-blaming to tell a woman she can avoid being attacked by sexist men by being "stronger".


I actually know some women who have or currently practice martial arts, my therapist being one of them. They do it because it's good to know how to protect yourself even if you don't use the abilities. I don't see it as a gender specific thing, just a human right to be able to protect yourself. It's better to have something and not use it than to need it but not have it. I've been in situations where I have to keep a low profile because I've had people yell out to me or try to get in my way because they either want me to give them my money, a ride in my car, or to use my cellphone and if I say no, they can get really hostile. I have underdeveloped muscles (My body refuses to respond to exercise) and I have high anxiety so I can't stand getting hurt both physically and mentally. I would like to atleast know enough to keep myself alive and make my attacker back off.

I don't intend to argue. I just want to give my take on things. At the end of the day, we are all individuals.



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23 Oct 2017, 7:28 pm

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
Marknis wrote:
karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
Ragnahawk wrote:
karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
ZachGoodwin wrote:
How am I doing any of that? I'm only assuming what you are thinking based on what you are saying like what you are doing with me. There is a women's discussion part of this forum if you feel that only men can't see from your perspective, since love and dating is open to men and women. Sorry for the misunderstanding.


If you're not one of the guys who does the things I mentioned, them I'm not talking about you. I never said every single guy here does that. Some guys were nice to me. But there were enough making the environment hostile to women that I don't want to participate in certain forums anymore.

If you were like water when you talk, people would not find weakpoints to attack you. Stop being opinion based towards men in general. It ain't like we chose our gender. You also should respect that females make the same kind of attack on males. What creates the strong divide is culture. It's okay to be offended over little things as a female. While being offended as a man is seen as weakness. You should try being a little stronger. I want equality too. It's gonna happen unless both genders get over their genders and accept each other for their flaws and culture.


I'll work on being stronger so people won't attack me, and I'll start by telling you to piss off and what you wrote here is BS.


What's BS about his post? I don't see him attacking anyone with his words. It looks like to me he wants to dissolve the divide between the genders.


First of all, it's victim-blaming to tell a woman she can avoid being attacked by sexist men by being "stronger".

No it's pulling up your sleeves and making your own happiness. Men and women are equally at fault. Life is full of compromises. That's how bridges are built. If you think it stops there, we have race, we have personality types we have life experiences. All of these things, these differences, need compromises. I don't see how you think females can't be blamed? Generalizing my statement as "victim blaming" is like saying being a woman is a preexisting condition. Do you want a test to see if your female? But I can see you are a simpleton, void of reason and rational thinking. Your perception is harmful. I don't like you. I'm sure I can get a 60 year old female to agree with me. I hope you hit your head and forget what makes you so cruel towards men. It would make your life more happy in the long run. (Tried to be nice. You don't appreciate it. Sorry I had to say that.)


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karathraceandherspecialdestiny
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23 Oct 2017, 8:16 pm

Ragnahawk wrote:
karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
Marknis wrote:
karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
Ragnahawk wrote:
karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
ZachGoodwin wrote:
How am I doing any of that? I'm only assuming what you are thinking based on what you are saying like what you are doing with me. There is a women's discussion part of this forum if you feel that only men can't see from your perspective, since love and dating is open to men and women. Sorry for the misunderstanding.


If you're not one of the guys who does the things I mentioned, them I'm not talking about you. I never said every single guy here does that. Some guys were nice to me. But there were enough making the environment hostile to women that I don't want to participate in certain forums anymore.

If you were like water when you talk, people would not find weakpoints to attack you. Stop being opinion based towards men in general. It ain't like we chose our gender. You also should respect that females make the same kind of attack on males. What creates the strong divide is culture. It's okay to be offended over little things as a female. While being offended as a man is seen as weakness. You should try being a little stronger. I want equality too. It's gonna happen unless both genders get over their genders and accept each other for their flaws and culture.


I'll work on being stronger so people won't attack me, and I'll start by telling you to piss off and what you wrote here is BS.


What's BS about his post? I don't see him attacking anyone with his words. It looks like to me he wants to dissolve the divide between the genders.


First of all, it's victim-blaming to tell a woman she can avoid being attacked by sexist men by being "stronger".

No it's pulling up your sleeves and making your own happiness. Men and women are equally at fault. Life is full of compromises. That's how bridges are built. If you think it stops there, we have race, we have personality types we have life experiences. All of these things, these differences, need compromises. I don't see how you think females can't be blamed? Generalizing my statement as "victim blaming" is like saying being a woman is a preexisting condition. Do you want a test to see if your female? But I can see you are a simpleton, void of reason and rational thinking. Your perception is harmful. I don't like you. I'm sure I can get a 60 year old female to agree with me. I hope you hit your head and forget what makes you so cruel towards men. It would make your life more happy in the long run. (Tried to be nice. You don't appreciate it. Sorry I had to say that.)


Men making sexist generalizations about women is not women's fault. As for the rest of what you said, more BS along with a personal attack. I don't believe you are sorry for attacking me, there is no point apologizing for something you meant and could have easily not typed if you didn't mean it. Your words are meaningless to me.



karathraceandherspecialdestiny
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23 Oct 2017, 8:20 pm

Marknis wrote:
karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
Marknis wrote:
karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
Ragnahawk wrote:
karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
ZachGoodwin wrote:
How am I doing any of that? I'm only assuming what you are thinking based on what you are saying like what you are doing with me. There is a women's discussion part of this forum if you feel that only men can't see from your perspective, since love and dating is open to men and women. Sorry for the misunderstanding.


If you're not one of the guys who does the things I mentioned, them I'm not talking about you. I never said every single guy here does that. Some guys were nice to me. But there were enough making the environment hostile to women that I don't want to participate in certain forums anymore.

If you were like water when you talk, people would not find weakpoints to attack you. Stop being opinion based towards men in general. It ain't like we chose our gender. You also should respect that females make the same kind of attack on males. What creates the strong divide is culture. It's okay to be offended over little things as a female. While being offended as a man is seen as weakness. You should try being a little stronger. I want equality too. It's gonna happen unless both genders get over their genders and accept each other for their flaws and culture.


I'll work on being stronger so people won't attack me, and I'll start by telling you to piss off and what you wrote here is BS.


What's BS about his post? I don't see him attacking anyone with his words. It looks like to me he wants to dissolve the divide between the genders.


First of all, it's victim-blaming to tell a woman she can avoid being attacked by sexist men by being "stronger".


I actually know some women who have or currently practice martial arts, my therapist being one of them. They do it because it's good to know how to protect yourself even if you don't use the abilities. I don't see it as a gender specific thing, just a human right to be able to protect yourself. It's better to have something and not use it than to need it but not have it. I've been in situations where I have to keep a low profile because I've had people yell out to me or try to get in my way because they either want me to give them my money, a ride in my car, or to use my cellphone and if I say no, they can get really hostile. I have underdeveloped muscles (My body refuses to respond to exercise) and I have high anxiety so I can't stand getting hurt both physically and mentally. I would like to atleast know enough to keep myself alive and make my attacker back off.

I don't intend to argue. I just want to give my take on things. At the end of the day, we are all individuals.


None of that really applies when talking about men on the internet making sexist generalizations about women and accusing all women of lying and not understanding their own experiences. I think he meant if I were "stronger" then men being sexist towards me wouldn't bother me, which is both incorrect and also takes the responsibility off of men to stop being sexist and puts it on women to just put up with their sexism. Because I am a strong person I am not willing to put up with sexist men, that's what really bothers guys like him.



Ragnahawk
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23 Oct 2017, 8:29 pm

Give me one second. I got one up for you.


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ZachGoodwin
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23 Oct 2017, 8:34 pm

Ragnahawk, take your cape off and go back to working for the press company (Superman reference). I think I need to go back to working for the press company too.



karathraceandherspecialdestiny
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23 Oct 2017, 9:11 pm

Ragnahawk wrote:
Give me one second. I got one up for you.


Just so you know, wishing harm on other people is really crappy. Apparently your parents didn't teach you that, so I thought I should mention it. This forum is about learning social skills after all, so you might want to remember that in future to improve your social interactions.



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24 Oct 2017, 12:31 am

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
Men making sexist generalizations about women is not women's fault.


I totally agree.
We shouldn't just have to take it on the chin.

Kara you make it worse by the way you respond though. I genuinely think some of the guys on here are oblivious as to how their words can make someone feel.

Reacting like it's obvious why you take offence and springing into insult mode won't help you put your case forwards. To them it's not obvious.

I've learned to be as emotionally flat as possible in responding to these guys and try to reason with them. I can often draw them out and get a conversation going.



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24 Oct 2017, 12:37 am

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:

None of that really applies when talking about men on the internet making sexist generalizations about women and accusing all women of lying and not understanding their own experiences. I think he meant if I were "stronger" then men being sexist towards me wouldn't bother me, which is both incorrect and also takes the responsibility off of men to stop being sexist and puts it on women to just put up with their sexism. Because I am a strong person I am not willing to put up with sexist men, that's what really bothers guys like him.


I agree that the worst thing is guys constantly devaluing our experiences and telling us we don't understand how we really feel or what we really want. They think women are idiots. You can't reason with those types so just end up walking away. That's why aspie women give up on the socialising with aspie males.

They treat us like our opinions don't matter. They treat us like deluded idiots.

#notallmen but the bad ones are vehement enough to make us leave.

I don't think the strength bothers these guys. They couldn't care less. They just really believe their view and can't be shifted. It's an aspie forum. It's a theory of mind issue. I don't know if they are able to understand a woman's perspective.



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24 Oct 2017, 2:02 am

Why doesn't everyone just chill...just so much fighting in this place, or maybe I have spent too much time in the dreaded Love and dating Forum. Either way maybe everyone just needs to relax realize not all women are super popular NT type women...guess what in highschool I got picked on by those girls 'are you a girl or a boy' 'oh why don't you wear make up bla bla bla' You think women here haven't gotten bullying by our NT peers? Or I remember when I went to a school dance and a couple 'popular' girls where so upset that my legs werent 100% clean shaven and talked s**t about it behind me. I also remember when I wore a costume to a dance and my 'friends' just abandoned me and it took me way too long to realize it, I rember my dad picked me up and I told him I didn't think they liked me anymore...then the next day they all acted like b*****s towards me. I always felt like a f*cking freak, people think us girls with aspergers have it so much better than the guys...I tried to kill myself when I was 15 because I didn't understand what the f*ck was wrong with me...and all I had been told was 'you're just oversensitive''why do you let it get to you''the lights just fine why are you complaining it is too bright' 'you're just trying to get attention' and classmates liked to call me 'ret*d'.

All of us, males, females, liberals, conservatives ect. we've all probably had unpleasant life experiences due to being misunderstood but this is supposed to be a place to talk about that not cut each other down.


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karathraceandherspecialdestiny
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24 Oct 2017, 2:17 am

hurtloam wrote:
karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
Men making sexist generalizations about women is not women's fault.


I totally agree.
We shouldn't just have to take it on the chin.

Kara you make it worse by the way you respond though. I genuinely think some of the guys on here are oblivious as to how their words can make someone feel.

Reacting like it's obvious why you take offence and springing into insult mode won't help you put your case forwards. To them it's not obvious.

I've learned to be as emotionally flat as possible in responding to these guys and try to reason with them. I can often draw them out and get a conversation going.


I didn't insult anyone, I am the one being personally attacked. They may have perceived insult when I said that some of the guys make the environment here really hostile for autistic women, but that's not an insult. It's a statement of fact, because some of the guys here act that way--if they are not the guys being sexist, then there is no reason for them to think I am talking about them when I talk about the guys who make negative generalizations about women. There is no reason to wish harm on me, for stating this fact. Maybe I don't take the most passive tone with these guys, but that doesn't make it OK to wish brain damage on me. It's rather messed up that its being suggested that my not being docile enough is what's causing men to attack me personally.



karathraceandherspecialdestiny
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24 Oct 2017, 2:26 am

hurtloam wrote:
karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:

None of that really applies when talking about men on the internet making sexist generalizations about women and accusing all women of lying and not understanding their own experiences. I think he meant if I were "stronger" then men being sexist towards me wouldn't bother me, which is both incorrect and also takes the responsibility off of men to stop being sexist and puts it on women to just put up with their sexism. Because I am a strong person I am not willing to put up with sexist men, that's what really bothers guys like him.


I agree that the worst thing is guys constantly devaluing our experiences and telling us we don't understand how we really feel or what we really want. They think women are idiots. You can't reason with those types so just end up walking away. That's why aspie women give up on the socialising with aspie males.

They treat us like our opinions don't matter. They treat us like deluded idiots.

#notallmen but the bad ones are vehement enough to make us leave.

I don't think the strength bothers these guys. They couldn't care less. They just really believe their view and can't be shifted. It's an aspie forum. It's a theory of mind issue. I don't know if they are able to understand a woman's perspective.


I think you are right that it is a theory of mind issue. I also think that some of them have let dating/women become either a special interest or a full-blown obsession, and it causes them to view women in a very black-and-white way that is usually informed by their own lack of experience being around women and misinformation from other guys with messed up ideas about women (like the PUA/redpill forums.) If they aren't capable then that's really sad, but I don't have to put up with the resulting sexism because of it. It's not fair to put that extra burden on autistic women, and that our support environments should be made hostile to us because some autistic guys just can't seem to help being sexist.



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24 Oct 2017, 2:59 am

What’s redpill?


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24 Oct 2017, 3:58 am

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
Men making sexist generalizations about women is not women's fault.


I totally agree.
We shouldn't just have to take it on the chin.

Kara you make it worse by the way you respond though. I genuinely think some of the guys on here are oblivious as to how their words can make someone feel.

Reacting like it's obvious why you take offence and springing into insult mode won't help you put your case forwards. To them it's not obvious.

I've learned to be as emotionally flat as possible in responding to these guys and try to reason with them. I can often draw them out and get a conversation going.


I didn't insult anyone, I am the one being personally attacked. They may have perceived insult when I said that some of the guys make the environment here really hostile for autistic women, but that's not an insult. It's a statement of fact, because some of the guys here act that way--if they are not the guys being sexist, then there is no reason for them to think I am talking about them when I talk about the guys who make negative generalizations about women. There is no reason to wish harm on me, for stating this fact. Maybe I don't take the most passive tone with these guys, but that doesn't make it OK to wish brain damage on me. It's rather messed up that its being suggested that my not being docile enough is what's causing men to attack me personally.


You called his post BS. Even if it is he thinks it isn't so will get on the defensive and an argument will ensue.

It's more conducive to conversation to say 'I don't agree because of x, y and z.' We can stop the threads escalating that way.