Why is being "weird" so bad?
I recently adopted the "I don't care" attitude. I also only care if there are consequences for what people think of me being "weird". I remember feeling ashamed of being "Weird" because then there must me something "wrong" with me. I think NT's feel uncomfortable because we're not predictible. For them, I imagine it's a lot driving in another country down the "Wrong" side of the road.
I love meeting "WEIRD" people, even if they aren't aspies and they're usally so relieved by my acceptance of them.
Hmm... I kinda wish I had your outlook.
my outlook does not set me at an advantage. my emotional amplitude is zero. i never feel anything (emotionally) other than the stillness of the surface of the mirror smooth lake my that perception glides upon.
i had (maybe still have) a friend called sonia, and she liked that i did not experience feelings of unhappiness or loneliness or embarrassment or pride or shame or condolence or congratulation. all those things i did not feel were the things that would have made ripples in the lake of my sensorium.
so sonia thinks that i am immune to unhappiness, and that makes her wish she was like me, but i can not seem to convey to her that i am also immune to happiness, and my emotional depth is almost zero.
she has experienced very many times where she was so euphoric that she felt like she was "in a mental heaven", and she felt something that i never felt (i know because i asked her to describe it) that makes her smile to even remember (let alone re-experience)
she has felt many periods of time where she had high "self esteem", and she has rode high on the surge of her popularity within her otherwise circle of friends many times in the past. but her idea of who she is was not born in her own mind.
i have seen many alternations of her happiness cycle.
i asked her whether she would trade her fondest memories for a life of a perpetual "..who care's?" attitude?
she said that she would not want to trade her euphoria for my neutrality of affect, but she said also that my neutrality seems like paradise to her when she is in an "emotional maelstrom".
what is better? to see majesty alongside insanity? (euphoria/ paranoia(ie "happiness/ sadness"))
or just to look at the close by innocuous aspects of my reality .
i am much more absorbed by the plants in my backyard, and the birds i am learning the behaviors of than i am by crossing consciousnesses with other people.
so that means i have not the ability to feel "romantic rapture". people look happy when they experience it, and they seem to be augmented in their initiative as a result of their erotic social exchanges , and they seem happy beyond a level that i can understand. but i am glad that i never feel the bad things they feel.
if you are not like me, then you should not copy me.
what's weird? what's the "normality" in which to compare weirdness with? what I've figured out is that I shouldn't know, but more importantly, I shouldn't give a damn, because really, nobody knows or cares what normal, or neurotypical, is, in real life... that's what I think anyway^^
_________________
I'm not like them, but I can pretend
The sun is gone, but I have a light
The day is done, but I'm having fun
I think I'm dumb, or maybe just happy...
BlackImage
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 58
Location: Australia
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