Mind Blanking Out While Talking to People?
People just bewilder me, for the most part. One thing that happens that I'd REALLY like help and advise with is that, when I'm talking to people, my mind sometimes just blanks on what to say. I will have NO idea what to say to them, whatsoever - I'll think of maybe one or two terrible responses and know I can't say them because they're weird or boring so I'll just make small-talk, or try to, and it gets awkward and that makes me NERVOUS and then things just get worse. What can I do? Anyone know any neat tricks for dealing with this sort of problem, or have a similar problem?
To elaborate, for me it's almost every time I try to talk to friends/acquaintances. A lot of the time - maybe around half- I just say, "I can't think of anything to say", or, occasionally force myself to say something random/irrelevant because otherwise I wouldn't say anything. The rest of the time I do, as you said, awkward small talk, though that's still, well, awkward. None of these help much, but my friends are fairly accepting, though somewhat amused, when when I say I don't know what to say.
It can help if, with 2 or a small group of friends when they're just relaxed or hanging out or having casual conversation. Then, I'm still quiet but I don't feel too awkward, fairly relaxed, happy to be with friends and occasionally I can put a word in. As for strangers, mostly I don't initiate conversation except for awkward speaking when I feel obliged or want to be their friend. Problem (not really) solved, but that's the way it is.
Wow, it sounds like you have it worse than I do. D: It's not half of the time with me, maybe closer to ten to twenty percent, though to me it's a big deal when it happens and I get really embarrassed and nervous. I never have this problem when I'm tipsy - this lead to a drinking problem in the past and, obviously, it can't work in every situation. Still, that means that chemicals can effect it. I wish there was a pill for it! Maybe there will be, someday. Let's hope! I am sorry you have it so bad. : (
It can help if, with 2 or a small group of friends when they're just relaxed or hanging out or having casual conversation. Then, I'm still quiet but I don't feel too awkward, fairly relaxed, happy to be with friends and occasionally I can put a word in. As for strangers, mostly I don't initiate conversation except for awkward speaking when I feel obliged or want to be their friend. Problem (not really) solved, but that's the way it is.
I have this when I'm tired, overstimulated, stressed-out or learned alot.
When people bore me, I sometimes zone-out and just ask them to repeat it, because my mind is wandering because of tiredness/full head/didn't hear it because of the racket/pain/etc.
Everybody has this from time to time, not just those with autism. Although the reason and frequenty might differ.
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I had that happen just yesterday while on the phone with my younger daughter. I had just spent some time cleaning some things up inside her computer (OS, hard drive and so on), and I was wanting to convey some thoughts/advice/suggestions about all of that while also passing along some useful information I have picked up since the last time we talked about computer stuff.
In the end, all I could do was tell her I was tired and probably not making much sense ...
... and then she felt a little bad like she had overtaxed me or something ...
Whew.
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THIS. SO MUCH.
I run out of words all the time. If it just happens during small talk or something, I can usually cope by waiting for the subject to drift to something I have words for... unless it gets so bad that I run out of words for everything. When I run out of words altogether or I lose words for something really important, I get frustrated and anxious and eventually it builds itself into a full-blown panic attack/meltdown/everything is falling apart type of situation.
The problem has gotten even worse than usual, lately (probably because my anxiety issues have been really bad, lately, so I can't cope with running out of words as well as I usually can), so I recently decided to make myself some [un]speech cards to keep in my wallet for emergencies. They read:
It is a thing that happens to me, sometimes. Please don't take it personally. Sometimes I panic when this happens. If I'm doing so, please be patient and remind me that I'm alright. Once I'm calm, you can help me find my words again by asking lots of questions or changing the subject.
Thanks for understanding.
I haven't had the chance to try them out, yet, but I think they should help. My friends don't really know what to do when I start panicking in public/at their houses, and I can't really explain what helps when my words have all run away.
It also helps if I catch myself running out of words before I run out completely, so I can tell whoever I'm talking to what's going on. If all I'm missing is a certain key word or phrase, sometimes I can turn it into a multiple choice question or a 20-questions-style guessing game where the person I'm talking to tries to pick my brain until we cooperatively manage to find whatever I was trying to say. Or, if I'm just having a hard time with words in general, sometimes changing the subject helps.
Yeah, it happens to me too. Sorry I'd say more but nothing else comes to mind right now. 
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If I do something right, no one remembers. If I do something
wrong, no one forgets.
Aspie Score: 173/200, NT score 31/200: very likely an Aspie
5/18/11: New Aspie test: 72/72
DX: Anxiety plus ADHD/Aspergers: inconclusive
I find caffeine helps too! That and getting enough sleep, though that is usually difficult for me.
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