Failing miserably at dancing and related activities

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There's no way around it, the deep-seated social obligation I fear: dancing. When I observe people in music videos, at parties, clubs or other social gatherings, they all seem to propel so effortlessly, so naturally. I sometimes try to imitate them to a certain level in my room with enjoyable music in the background, however, this usually does not surpass clumsy nodding and tapping, which makes me feel even more awkward and ashamed of myself.

I have looked everywhere for clear instructions, preferrably video material, on how to simply move to the beat. Ironically enough I'm an avid music listener and play the piano, yet I am such a gawk when it comes to performing simple rhythmic movements. My feet, my shoulders? How and when do I move them? I just never feel the urge to move my body when I'm listening music.

What are your experiences with clubbing and dancing? I am thoroughly ashamed to ask this, even more, I loathe this shortcoming of mine. Some of my friends who ask me out at times (in the rare case I feel confident enough to join them) have no trouble whatsoever and feel no discomfort at all when they are having a good time.

I cannot dance. I play three instruments, but move my body and I am lost. I can nod my head and tap my feet to the rhythm, on the most stressed part of the beat (which in a concert often leaves me clapping in between everyone else's clap). I take Aikido, and I sometimes get told that a move is just like a dance, and these are often moves and holds I am having trouble learning.

This means that I do not go clubbing, and I am unsure if I even want dancing at the reception (in the unlikely event that I ever get married).

Good luck.

I am an atrocious dancer too - in fact I'm terrible at anything requiring physical coordination (games lessons at school were a nightmare, combine bullying with something that's highly prized socially, done in teams and you're appallinly bad at and it's a recipe for disaster!).

There are two kinds of dancing. Formal dancing where you have to do specific steps in a specific order, e.g. salsa, tap, ballet etc. and social dancing e.g. at a nightclub or party. The former if you're anything like me will have you tying yourself in knots and constantly doing the wrong thing at the wrong time

The good news is, at the latter it really doesn't matter how good a dancer you actually are. The main purpose of everyone there (apart from the odd poser) is to have a good time, not to complete some flawless solo performance piece. In fact you will probably notice (if it's anything like the parties and clubs I've been to) if someone does show off too much half of the rest of the room will probably be bitching about them behind their back before the night is out. If all you can manage is some kind of vague swaying or stepping motion, as long as you do it with a big smile on your face and look like you're enjoying it chances are nobody will even notice you apart from your one or two close friends who are dancing with you and should like you enough not to make a big deal out of it.

And if you are asked to dance by a member of the opposite sex (or the same sex if you're that way inclined) they'll more than likely be so chuffed you said yes they won't care either, and will probably themselves be concentrating so hard on not treading on your toes and where it's appropriate to look or put their hands that how well you're moving will be just fine and a vague swaying motion is probably all that's called for in that scenario anyway.

I've also found it's perfectly ok not to dance for very much of the evening either. I usually will dance for a few minutes when everyone first starts, to show willing. Then make some excuse like needing a break or to get a drink. There will always be other people doing similar things you can get chatting to for a while. Eventually I'll go and dance for a bit more under protest when one of my friends drags me back to the dance floor. A few minutes later and I make another excuse about needing the loo or something and bump into someone else I can get chatting to for a bit longer, then we need another drink. And so on... So I actually spend most of the evening floating around the bar and any available seating chatting to people and very little time dancing. Some of the larger clubs even have chill out rooms or areas. My friends are happy because they love dancing, I'm happy because I've met some interesting people, had some interesting conversations, maybe even pulled (before I met my hubby obviously). All is well.

There's an easy way around it: don't go to places where dancing will be expected. If you do end up in such a place, don't dance. It's that simple. All you're doing is not dancing; it's not like you're headbutting people in the face or kicking puppies.

It's alright, I don't go to school dances anymore (I'm about to grad out of my high school) because can only do slow music dancing, not this dirty dancing that all of my friends do. (do I do anything when a woman I dancing up on me? When was there a point of transition:?: ) I don't think I could bear to embaress myself in a club.

I also play an instrument and also can't dance. When I try dancing, I look like an old man shuffling around in the dark. Perhaps there are evening classes that can teach us non-dancing types to dance. Has anyone ever heard of such?

I usually only dance when I've had a few drinks. I've been known to dance in the cage but I have to be really hammered for that. It just comes naturally when you're drunk, pick a style and dance. My style is usually a mix of mimicking my friends, my own rave style and then my sexy dance style. haha It depends what kind of music is playing.

Has anyone tried ballroom dancing classes? If so are they any help or just frustrating?

I know this might not help with clubbing, but the noise and lights and lots of moving people make that a very uncomfortable environment for me, not to mention that I do not drink alcoholic beverages.

i never dance. not even alone in my room. I can be drunk as a skunk, my body still refuses to do dance moves. But I'm not a fan of clubbing or any other occasions where I would be required to dance.
Though I love watching people dance, dancing with the stars and such... awesome!

Dancing terrifies me.

When it is dark on the dance floor and they are tons of people it is hard to even move let alone dance and this may be the best time to be on the dance floor.

Thank you for your replies so far, it gives such relief to see I'm not an expection amongst fellow aspies.

Still I am wondering how I should learn the very basics of what I would call "social dancing". The swinging, feet movement, I try to improvise, but it just doesn't turn out smoothly.

Is anyone here aware of some kind of instructional video, or just a practical list of advices? I would be so grateful.

I also agree on the crowdedness and lack of space to actually dance in a club. Still, it terrifies me imagining friends dragging me onto the dancefloor, how good their intentions might be, I'm only embarassing myself with it.