What's so terrible about "pauses" in conversations

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I posted this in General Autism Discussion, but now realize it better fits in this section:

Seems to me that NT's, at least when it comes to strangers, acquaintances and casual friends, feel the need to fill EVERY little pause in conversation. Even pauses as short as ONE SECOND, oftentimes! Many people, when they write stories about conversations, often mention "filling in pauses" with chitchat, as though it should be obvious why the pause is so bad.

The effect of this kind of conversation on me is that I never get a chance to speak!! ! If I do speak, people usually don't listen because someone decided to launch into some inane rant about nothing and everyone's listening to THAT fluff instead!! !!

Can anyone explain just WHAT is so horrible about a 1-2 second conversational pause? I understand that people (particularly extroverts) often converse for conversation's sake ("small-talk"), but surely ONE one-second pause shouldn't kill everything?? And I'd certainly like it a heck of a lot better if there was silence for FIVE FULL MINUTES, then one of us thinks of something SUBSTANTIVE AND REAL to talk about! That's the kind of conversation I'd like to have. As we get to know each other, the minutes will actually shrink to seconds 99% of the time!! How come NT's will only accept ANY pauses with people they're really, really, really good friends with?

It is painfully uncomfortable, I'm quite self conscious so silences make me think the other person finds me boring. I am supposedly not NT but silences feel awful and I can understand why most people want to fill the gaps.

Extroverts think by talking and quiet bores them. When the conversation pauses, they probably have more trouble thinking of things to say than someone who thinks well in silence.

I could certainly never think by talking to a stranger! I'm virtually GUARANTEED to say something highly inappropriate!! ! Specifically, I'm likely to:

- bring up subjects that make strangers (and even many friends!) uncomfortable (such as sex)
- talk at great length about a programming project, video game or other special interest (on which the others have little or no background OR interest)
- say something that, to most NT's, has a horrible negative connotation of some kind while I'm unaware of the connotation (or only aware after I say it - )

This might be more of an introvert/extrovert issue than a NT/AS one. I'm an introvert. I think to talk, even to people I know really well! And they're used to it. I think most of my friends are my friends because they like to hear statements I've thought about before saying! Even if I'm silent much of the time.

In my experiences, any pause in conversation makes it appear I'm changing my mind, rethinking things and lying or being dishonest and runs the risk of being interrupted. Being said, I can pause for up to a good ten seconds or longer if the mind draws a total blank, lose the train of thought or forget what I'm even saying.

Thats what i love about text messaging. I'm having a couple "conversations" that have been going on for years, literally. Sometimes one text a day, or a week, or longer back and forth. If you were to read a transcript they are just regular two sided conversations, they just dont really end. I wish I could speak conversations this way.

As I understand it, it's like "dead air time" on radio. If the listener hears nothing, they might change the channel.

Same with conversation. It has a natural ebb and flow. When it stops, it's a cue to walk away because it's over. So, too long a pause is disruptive to an ongoing conversation.

Hello,

this ist something I've always found difficult when learning foreign languages - the appropriate length of a pause in a conversation (always depending on level of intimacy, age relations, topic etc.). It was even difficult for me when talking to people from another region in my own language.
My partner ist from the southern part of my country - slower way of talking and long pauses. I'm from the north - I talk fast, with short breaks. So a comfortable lull in conversation for him is an embarrassing pause for me...

There are studies in sociolonguistics about the length of silences in conversations within a given culture and across cultrual and lingusitc boundaries. I find this - as everything to do with language - fascinating.

Best wishes

Ennik

It p***** me off so much when I have to take a pause while I'm talking, and the person I'm talking to insists on speaking while I pause. I just can't help but think "geez buddy, I'm not even done yet, why are you already replying?".

I would definitely appreciate this as well.

I don't really mind breaks in conversations but they can be awkward sometimes.

There are a lot of people in this word that simply don't feel comfortable with silence for any reason you can think of.

-One person might get insecure when silence happens because they might think the conversation is boring to the other person.
-Another will think the pause in the conversation is rude
-Some like to talk a lot and therefore need to keep the gaps closed with the sound of their own voice.
-Some just like to listen.

Being able to listen is a virtue, but some don't seem to understand that either.

A friend of mine does this all the f*****g time. It's just rude! It's like he doesn't care what other people have to say. And even though he says that isn't the case, I doubt him because I know him quite well, so I know what he's interested in. But if somene is talking and he wants to say something, even if it has absolutely nothing to do with the current conversation and even if that conversation is actually important... as soon as there is a pause, even just for a breath, he'll start going on and on about whatever he wants to alk about without giving any consideration to anyone else, even after he finishes.
At least if I realize I've spoken out of turn, I'll either stop talking, or if there are only a few words left in my sentence, I'll quickly finish it and then apologize. Whereas hee wont apologize for talking out of turn for several minutes.