A friend from the past wants to 'catch up.'

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A friend I haven't seen in many years but keep in contact through Facebook has invited me out to lunch while she visits Sydney. The Thai restaurant sounds rather nice but I'm unsure because of the spike in my anxiety and all the mess in my mind that goes with it as well as having to give up time for the usual routine things to go out to this lunch.

After reading threads about people wanting to get their friends out of their routine so they can socialise more and after been given the impression that no matter how anxious/depressed/messed up mentally I think I am I ought to not just say no without giving a proper reason.

Problem one is I'm expecting my period soon and besides the first day of immense pain that I have to paralyze my body with muscle relaxants just to overcome, I have been crankier and less motivated when on my period than when I was on Ritalin. I seemed to cope well despite having it and could go out and do things like that. I also tend to have massive depressive episodes during this time now.

Problem two is my heightened anxiety over PTSD flash backs that make me fear for my safety. I've had to stop watching the news because I became too paranoid. I had to even decide not to go to this part of town I planned to see a band at and that really depressed me.

Problem three is my need to work on my screenplay. It's the only time I feel like I'm finally in charge of my thoughts and feelings. The chaos turns to order. I've been struggling to work on it lately and the date does fall on a day where I usually can knuckle down and get a few pages out.

Problem four is the usual awkwardness over having to socialise but it's ten times worse because this isn't someone I usually talk to.

Then my usual food allergy related worries come up.

I mean...what do I say to let someone know I'm not just blowing them off but I have real problems holding me back from going.

Hi Christine,

I'd love to go but it's not a good time for me.

That's all I got and it doesn't sound very convincing. If I could just be honest about my anxiety it might sound better but this is your everyday NT who might feel uncomfortable with being told such things.

Should I just go with blunt honesty?

It sounds nice to catch up with your friend. I suggest going but apologising when you see her that you feel unwell, and so may not be very entertaining. People will accept moodiness in their sick friends. You get two things:
1. First, she is grateful you take the trouble to see her
2. You get to see an old friend and practise socialising. Who knows, you might like it?
I normally feel happy when I meet up with old friends, even those I'm not close to.

u remember here? thats good, i have this guy who remembers me from middlschool ,but i barely remember him i think, and he wants to hang out(mind you doing stuff i don't like) but anxiety so i like you just say its not a good time.

wish god luck, if you go.

I said yes and seemed really excited by that. I made a tonne of spelling errors in my reply though.

She seemed to think I wasn't going to go, so I guess all my postings about autism/ADHD/ bipolar and my monthly anxiety rich status updates made her understand me a bit better.

At least someone who worries about me knows I can face some problems on my own, though I feel ok about going to meet up with her. May even see a movie after.

Thanks for your help, Villette. I did sort of say my late reply was because I was feeling ill which to be fair I have been. Cramps and other kinds of stomach aches, headaches etc.

Oh and yes I remember her. We used to see a lot of live bands together. I remember sitting out in the cold with her waiting to meet a band we liked. We have lots of good and funny memories.

I think you need to be honest with her in a good way. I would say, "I thank you for the kind invite and I would love to catch up. Unfortunately, I am feeling really uncomfortable with that. Then explain that it's nothing to do with her. "

That is when you explain your situation to her. I would also see if she wanted to come over to your house and have lunch with you one on one where you feel comfortable. If she just abandons you then she is not a good friend.