Board index › Coping in life › Social Skills and Making Friends

The conversations I have with people are one-sided and weird

Page 1 of 1 [ 6 posts ] 

Previous topic | Next topic

Neo Redpill 101
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

Joined: 27 Mar 2016
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 91

13 Apr 2016, 10:48 pm

I noticed that every time I'm talking to someone, whether they are a man, women, girl, boy, old man, old woman the results are always the same. I noticed that the person I'm speaking will won't really be engaging me in conversation like they would with other people.

When I'm speaking with people, I will notice that they will ask me a string of questions and just let me run with it and start talking, answering their questions, but they never seem to get involved and start talking a lot to balance out the talk. They will usually reply with a couple words such as: Oh cool. Oh I see. Ok, I understand. Yes and a lot of nervous laughter.

Could it be that people just feel nervous around me and that keeps them from fully committing to a decent conversation with me? I will see these same people talking up a storm in a much more natural manner, so I know that it is something to do with me.

Does anyone else experience this as well?



slw1990
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jan 2014
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,406

13 Apr 2016, 11:05 pm

A lot of people act really uncomfortable and serious around me like they are creeped out by me or something. Then at the same time they act very friendly towards other people. I think part the reason why they treat me this way is because I'm quiet, but I don't think that it's the only reason.

I also sometimes notice when I talk to people they don't seem to really listen to me and sometimes they cut me off or start talking about something else. It gets frustrating. I try to keep my distance from people who treat me that way.



Darmok
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Dec 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,030
Location: New England

14 Apr 2016, 12:28 am

You may have speech patterns that are just a bit "off" from an NT perspective, and so people aren't quite able to engage constructively. I think this is fairly common among autistic people, and those with auditory processing conditions (which often overlap with autism). The communication difficulties often relate to "pragmatics" -- you might find some useful ideas here:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pragmatics


_________________
 
There Are Four Lights!


mikeman7918
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Mar 2016
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,929
Location: Utah, USA

14 Apr 2016, 12:54 am

It probably is because you aren't really giving them a proper chance to start talking about themselves, they are asking questions to try to engage you in the conversation as they would do with anyone but you are not doing the same to engage them. Neurotipicals generally won't start talking about themselves unless they get some prompt to do so because it goes against the unwritten rules of social behavior even if they have something they want to say. The easiest way to engage them is to ask direct questions relating to what you are talking about. You will find that most people would gladly become engaged in a conversation and start talking about themselves, you just need to indirectly give them permission to do so before they will do it.


_________________
Also known as MarsMatter.

Diagnosed with Asperger's, ADD, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder in 2004.
In denial that it was a problem until early 2016.

Deviant Art


Neo Redpill 101
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

Joined: 27 Mar 2016
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 91

14 Apr 2016, 9:19 am

slw1990 wrote:
A lot of people act really uncomfortable and serious around me like they are creeped out by me or something. Then at the same time they act very friendly towards other people. I think part the reason why they treat me this way is because I'm quiet, but I don't think that it's the only reason.

I also sometimes notice when I talk to people they don't seem to really listen to me and sometimes they cut me off or start talking about something else. It gets frustrating. I try to keep my distance from people who treat me that way.


Yes, people cut me off all the time as well. It pisses me off so much. What is the point of people talking to me or asking me questions if they don't care about what I have to say? These kind of idiots (many people) are people I avoid like the plague. In fact, I met a friend of a friend recently and he kept doing this to me over and over. He cuts me off in conversation, then I cut him off across the board lol.



Neo Redpill 101
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

Joined: 27 Mar 2016
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 91

14 Apr 2016, 9:22 am

mikeman7918 wrote:
It probably is because you aren't really giving them a proper chance to start talking about themselves, they are asking questions to try to engage you in the conversation as they would do with anyone but you are not doing the same to engage them. Neurotipicals generally won't start talking about themselves unless they get some prompt to do so because it goes against the unwritten rules of social behavior even if they have something they want to say. The easiest way to engage them is to ask direct questions relating to what you are talking about. You will find that most people would gladly become engaged in a conversation and start talking about themselves, you just need to indirectly give them permission to do so before they will do it.


I give people many many chances to talk about themselves or whatever the topic may be. I often will throw the ball into their court by asking them questions or giving them some silence to respond, yet they never seem to realize the ball is even if their court or they are too uncomfortable to reply lol.

It almost feels like people are curious to know more about me because I'm mysterious and strange, but don't want me to know more about them because I'm mysterious and strange. It is a cycle I experience on a daily basis.