Social Etiquette and Other Stuff

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This is something I'm not sure about, I suspect that's mainly due to my AS. Basically, a recent scenario happened as follows:

I met someone in uni and when I said hello I knew by their reaction they'd forgotten my name because they were a little startled and realised they'd be talking to me without knowing who I was. I didn't know what to do then but the conversation continued and it went OK. I didn't want to say something inappropriate like 'oh, I can tell you've forgotten my name', I'm just not sure what to if a situation like this arises again. Thoughts?

On another note, where do people fall down in terms of friendships? I think I mostly fall down in not being able to pick up on certain rules, not knowing who to approach, or how to suggest meeting up and things like that. It's quite frustrating.

I'm not reading the situation the same as you. I don't think the person was startled because they didn't know your name. I think they were startled because #1 you snuck up on them as Aspies tend to do this as in approaching from the back with no forewarning you are behind them. Or you are mistaking someone speaking to you as friendship. Just because someone has spoke to you in the past doesn't make them want to be your friend nor does that mean they want other people seeing them talking to you in another situation. Like in a grocery store line for instance you will have people speak to you that would never speak to you in some other situation. Or like at work people will speak to me or would never have spoken to me in a school situation.

I don't think you should remind this person of your name. I think their startled reaction suggests you either broke some social rule or they don't want to associate with you. Leave them alone. If an NT wants to be friends they will make the next move.

Since I ALWAYS forget names, if someone looks like they're at a loss, I admit that I can't remember names, and ask theirs. This makes it easier on them. Frankly, I don't use names much, so it's no big deal for me.

I couldn't say what happened in the exact situation you described because
1) I wasn't there, and
2) Even if I had been there I would probably be just as clueless as you.

Then you asked:

I certainly share your frustration in this respect. I'm very socially awkward, so I end up spending alot of time alone. Then that makes me even more socially awkward, so I end up absolutely alone. That's how I became totally socially impaired.



So if you want to avoid ending up like me, join some groups or something. I'd suggest don't worry about so much about making friends, but rather just put yourself in situations that you personally find enjoyable, rewarding, constructive or useful, around people that have common interests and goals. That way if you have limited social skills, they won't atrophy, and making friends migh just come more naturally.

I think (I hope) that social skills might be like learning to swim. You just get better at it the more that you do it.

ya dig?

Ticker, I didn't sneak up on this person, sure sometimes I am a bit 'stealthy' but I didn't sneak up out of the blue. Nor did I make the 'mistake' re: friendship. I wanted to talk to this person as 5 minutes previously they had given a presentation on their research area and I was interested in finding out how they went about it. I don't believe I broke a social rule in this instance. I'm sure your reply was well-intentioned but I found it to be way off the mark.

I ran this scenario by some people and they said it was probably OK just to say "I'm..."
Do you find it easier to remember faces calandale?
Isolation is indeed a bit of a demon. I hear what you're saying the-over-analyzed, thanks.

A little. But even then it's difficult. I was teaching 40 kids this last quarter, and I just couldn't remember most of them by face. Names were out of the question - at least putting them to the face. I actually know the names pretty well, I just don't know who they go with.

I get so confused sometimes socially. This sort of thing happen all the time. I'm fine well I think the interaction is going well, but the second I find a breakdown in the interaction I panick and it's over!