Starting a Social Life having friends and dating
Page 1 of 1 [ 7 posts ]
16 May 2017, 8:03 pm
I'm posting this to look for support. I'm currently 30 years old and feel like I'm 18-20 on the inside. For the past 10-12 years I've missed the fun, socializing, dating, and especially having a college life with a few friends/roommates. I'm at a point now where I'm getting back to where I left off 10-12 years ago in terms of college, social life, and work. I want to start hanging and have friends people of 18-24(young adults) year age range. The problem is that I don't have enough social skills to make and maintain friends, especially dating girls. So therefore I've googled any places where they do group therapy and teach social skills for all ages. https://www.spectratherapies.com/
I currently live with my mom and brother. As for my sister she lives at the university, and stays with us at certain times of the year.
I don't know who to ask, and I'm ashamed of bringing this up to my family(mother, brother, & sister). My brother is 28 years old and doesn't go out as much nor socialize like he used to due to having schizoaffective disorder. Despite my brother having a mental illness, he's been doing well for more than a year now, that he goes out with either of his three friends. My brother used to give me a hard time back when we were in our teens about not having friends, and especially having OCD. I don't know if that will be the case with my sister who's 21 now. That's one of the reasons why I don't talk a lot about what happens at work, as well as during my years of high school.
I've been to group therapy twice in the past, the last time was when I was 18 years old. I don't know who you would consider a friend. I've thought of undergoing a diagnostic testing to see of I have pdd-nos.
18 May 2017, 5:13 pm
Anonymoussun02 wrote:
I'm posting this to look for support. I'm currently 30 years old and feel like I'm 18-20 on the inside. For the past 10-12 years I've missed the fun, socializing, dating, and especially having a college life with a few friends/roommates. I'm at a point now where I'm getting back to where I left off 10-12 years ago in terms of college, social life, and work. I want to start hanging and have friends people of 18-24(young adults) year age range. The problem is that I don't have enough social skills to make and maintain friends, especially dating girls. So therefore I've googled any places where they do group therapy and teach social skills for all ages. https://www.spectratherapies.com/
I currently live with my mom and brother. As for my sister she lives at the university, and stays with us at certain times of the year.
I don't know who to ask, and I'm ashamed of bringing this up to my family(mother, brother, & sister). My brother is 28 years old and doesn't go out as much nor socialize like he used to due to having schizoaffective disorder. Despite my brother having a mental illness, he's been doing well for more than a year now, that he goes out with either of his three friends. My brother used to give me a hard time back when we were in our teens about not having friends, and especially having OCD. I don't know if that will be the case with my sister who's 21 now. That's one of the reasons why I don't talk a lot about what happens at work, as well as during my years of high school.
I've been to group therapy twice in the past, the last time was when I was 18 years old. I don't know who you would consider a friend. I've thought of undergoing a diagnostic testing to see of I have pdd-nos.
I currently live with my mom and brother. As for my sister she lives at the university, and stays with us at certain times of the year.
I don't know who to ask, and I'm ashamed of bringing this up to my family(mother, brother, & sister). My brother is 28 years old and doesn't go out as much nor socialize like he used to due to having schizoaffective disorder. Despite my brother having a mental illness, he's been doing well for more than a year now, that he goes out with either of his three friends. My brother used to give me a hard time back when we were in our teens about not having friends, and especially having OCD. I don't know if that will be the case with my sister who's 21 now. That's one of the reasons why I don't talk a lot about what happens at work, as well as during my years of high school.
I've been to group therapy twice in the past, the last time was when I was 18 years old. I don't know who you would consider a friend. I've thought of undergoing a diagnostic testing to see of I have pdd-nos.
I'm a 27 year old male with Asperger's who's in the same boat as you. I don't have any close friends and I've never had a girlfriend. At the risk of repeating myself, the best advice that I can give you is what I've said in multiple posts on this forum. People like us have to start taking risks and become more socially assertive, whether it's trying to get platonic friends or romantic partners. However, as I know from personal experience, there is still a real reason to be worried that when people with Autism spectrum disorder like us or who have a similar condition try to be more socially assertive, we will come on too strong to other people, which will only turn them off to us. We have to learn how to have a happy medium when it comes to social interactions and contact.
18 May 2017, 9:09 pm
futuresoldier1944 wrote:
Anonymoussun02 wrote:
I'm posting this to look for support. I'm currently 30 years old and feel like I'm 18-20 on the inside. For the past 10-12 years I've missed the fun, socializing, dating, and especially having a college life with a few friends/roommates. I'm at a point now where I'm getting back to where I left off 10-12 years ago in terms of college, social life, and work. I want to start hanging and have friends people of 18-24(young adults) year age range. The problem is that I don't have enough social skills to make and maintain friends, especially dating girls. So therefore I've googled any places where they do group therapy and teach social skills for all ages. https://www.spectratherapies.com/
I currently live with my mom and brother. As for my sister she lives at the university, and stays with us at certain times of the year.
I don't know who to ask, and I'm ashamed of bringing this up to my family(mother, brother, & sister). My brother is 28 years old and doesn't go out as much nor socialize like he used to due to having schizoaffective disorder. Despite my brother having a mental illness, he's been doing well for more than a year now, that he goes out with either of his three friends. My brother used to give me a hard time back when we were in our teens about not having friends, and especially having OCD. I don't know if that will be the case with my sister who's 21 now. That's one of the reasons why I don't talk a lot about what happens at work, as well as during my years of high school.
I've been to group therapy twice in the past, the last time was when I was 18 years old. I don't know who you would consider a friend. I've thought of undergoing a diagnostic testing to see of I have pdd-nos.
I currently live with my mom and brother. As for my sister she lives at the university, and stays with us at certain times of the year.
I don't know who to ask, and I'm ashamed of bringing this up to my family(mother, brother, & sister). My brother is 28 years old and doesn't go out as much nor socialize like he used to due to having schizoaffective disorder. Despite my brother having a mental illness, he's been doing well for more than a year now, that he goes out with either of his three friends. My brother used to give me a hard time back when we were in our teens about not having friends, and especially having OCD. I don't know if that will be the case with my sister who's 21 now. That's one of the reasons why I don't talk a lot about what happens at work, as well as during my years of high school.
I've been to group therapy twice in the past, the last time was when I was 18 years old. I don't know who you would consider a friend. I've thought of undergoing a diagnostic testing to see of I have pdd-nos.
I'm a 27 year old male with Asperger's who's in the same boat as you. I don't have any close friends and I've never had a girlfriend. At the risk of repeating myself, the best advice that I can give you is what I've said in multiple posts on this forum. People like us have to start taking risks and become more socially assertive, whether it's trying to get platonic friends or romantic partners. However, as I know from personal experience, there is still a real reason to be worried that when people with Autism spectrum disorder like us or who have a similar condition try to be more socially assertive, we will come on too strong to other people, which will only turn them off to us. We have to learn how to have a happy medium when it comes to social interactions and contact.
What do you mean by becoming more socially assertive? I myself am shy and find myself being passive, that people at work have told me that I'm "too nice".
18 May 2017, 9:14 pm
Anonymoussun02 wrote:
futuresoldier1944 wrote:
Anonymoussun02 wrote:
I'm posting this to look for support. I'm currently 30 years old and feel like I'm 18-20 on the inside. For the past 10-12 years I've missed the fun, socializing, dating, and especially having a college life with a few friends/roommates. I'm at a point now where I'm getting back to where I left off 10-12 years ago in terms of college, social life, and work. I want to start hanging and have friends people of 18-24(young adults) year age range. The problem is that I don't have enough social skills to make and maintain friends, especially dating girls. So therefore I've googled any places where they do group therapy and teach social skills for all ages. https://www.spectratherapies.com/
I currently live with my mom and brother. As for my sister she lives at the university, and stays with us at certain times of the year.
I don't know who to ask, and I'm ashamed of bringing this up to my family(mother, brother, & sister). My brother is 28 years old and doesn't go out as much nor socialize like he used to due to having schizoaffective disorder. Despite my brother having a mental illness, he's been doing well for more than a year now, that he goes out with either of his three friends. My brother used to give me a hard time back when we were in our teens about not having friends, and especially having OCD. I don't know if that will be the case with my sister who's 21 now. That's one of the reasons why I don't talk a lot about what happens at work, as well as during my years of high school.
I've been to group therapy twice in the past, the last time was when I was 18 years old. I don't know who you would consider a friend. I've thought of undergoing a diagnostic testing to see of I have pdd-nos.
I currently live with my mom and brother. As for my sister she lives at the university, and stays with us at certain times of the year.
I don't know who to ask, and I'm ashamed of bringing this up to my family(mother, brother, & sister). My brother is 28 years old and doesn't go out as much nor socialize like he used to due to having schizoaffective disorder. Despite my brother having a mental illness, he's been doing well for more than a year now, that he goes out with either of his three friends. My brother used to give me a hard time back when we were in our teens about not having friends, and especially having OCD. I don't know if that will be the case with my sister who's 21 now. That's one of the reasons why I don't talk a lot about what happens at work, as well as during my years of high school.
I've been to group therapy twice in the past, the last time was when I was 18 years old. I don't know who you would consider a friend. I've thought of undergoing a diagnostic testing to see of I have pdd-nos.
I'm a 27 year old male with Asperger's who's in the same boat as you. I don't have any close friends and I've never had a girlfriend. At the risk of repeating myself, the best advice that I can give you is what I've said in multiple posts on this forum. People like us have to start taking risks and become more socially assertive, whether it's trying to get platonic friends or romantic partners. However, as I know from personal experience, there is still a real reason to be worried that when people with Autism spectrum disorder like us or who have a similar condition try to be more socially assertive, we will come on too strong to other people, which will only turn them off to us. We have to learn how to have a happy medium when it comes to social interactions and contact.
What do you mean by becoming more socially assertive? I myself am shy and find myself being passive, that people at work have told me that I'm "too nice".
Just try to talk to people more and probably more than just small talk. And try to initiate social outings with people, whether they're from work or you know them from somewhere else.
19 May 2017, 11:48 am
I suggest reading books and topics on social skills online. There's a lot of things people like us don't intuitively know and will look like jerks, creeps, or dumb if we learn them the hard way. Friends are tricky. I'd try meetup.com, I found a good group there. Find groups that are about topics you're interested in. Dating is way harder though. I've only had one girlfriend for all of 2 months over 10 years ago. I've tried dating sites, but it's ridiculously hard, especially for someone who's ASD. Living with your mom at 30 is not going to be very attractive either, unfortunately. I'm 26 and in the same boat and it's definitely a problem for me.
22 May 2017, 8:21 pm
futuresoldier1944 wrote:
Anonymoussun02 wrote:
futuresoldier1944 wrote:
Anonymoussun02 wrote:
I'm posting this to look for support. I'm currently 30 years old and feel like I'm 18-20 on the inside. For the past 10-12 years I've missed the fun, socializing, dating, and especially having a college life with a few friends/roommates. I'm at a point now where I'm getting back to where I left off 10-12 years ago in terms of college, social life, and work. I want to start hanging and have friends people of 18-24(young adults) year age range. The problem is that I don't have enough social skills to make and maintain friends, especially dating girls. So therefore I've googled any places where they do group therapy and teach social skills for all ages. https://www.spectratherapies.com/
I currently live with my mom and brother. As for my sister she lives at the university, and stays with us at certain times of the year.
I don't know who to ask, and I'm ashamed of bringing this up to my family(mother, brother, & sister). My brother is 28 years old and doesn't go out as much nor socialize like he used to due to having schizoaffective disorder. Despite my brother having a mental illness, he's been doing well for more than a year now, that he goes out with either of his three friends. My brother used to give me a hard time back when we were in our teens about not having friends, and especially having OCD. I don't know if that will be the case with my sister who's 21 now. That's one of the reasons why I don't talk a lot about what happens at work, as well as during my years of high school.
I've been to group therapy twice in the past, the last time was when I was 18 years old. I don't know who you would consider a friend. I've thought of undergoing a diagnostic testing to see of I have pdd-nos.
I currently live with my mom and brother. As for my sister she lives at the university, and stays with us at certain times of the year.
I don't know who to ask, and I'm ashamed of bringing this up to my family(mother, brother, & sister). My brother is 28 years old and doesn't go out as much nor socialize like he used to due to having schizoaffective disorder. Despite my brother having a mental illness, he's been doing well for more than a year now, that he goes out with either of his three friends. My brother used to give me a hard time back when we were in our teens about not having friends, and especially having OCD. I don't know if that will be the case with my sister who's 21 now. That's one of the reasons why I don't talk a lot about what happens at work, as well as during my years of high school.
I've been to group therapy twice in the past, the last time was when I was 18 years old. I don't know who you would consider a friend. I've thought of undergoing a diagnostic testing to see of I have pdd-nos.
I'm a 27 year old male with Asperger's who's in the same boat as you. I don't have any close friends and I've never had a girlfriend. At the risk of repeating myself, the best advice that I can give you is what I've said in multiple posts on this forum. People like us have to start taking risks and become more socially assertive, whether it's trying to get platonic friends or romantic partners. However, as I know from personal experience, there is still a real reason to be worried that when people with Autism spectrum disorder like us or who have a similar condition try to be more socially assertive, we will come on too strong to other people, which will only turn them off to us. We have to learn how to have a happy medium when it comes to social interactions and contact.
What do you mean by becoming more socially assertive? I myself am shy and find myself being passive, that people at work have told me that I'm "too nice".
Just try to talk to people more and probably more than just small talk. And try to initiate social outings with people, whether they're from work or you know them from somewhere else.
Well I think that I'll know how to do that once I go to this Social Skills Group which is close to where I live to. https://www.spectratherapies.com/social ... roups.html
22 May 2017, 9:10 pm
SpreadsheetMaster wrote:
I suggest reading books and topics on social skills online. There's a lot of things people like us don't intuitively know and will look like jerks, creeps, or dumb if we learn them the hard way. Friends are tricky. I'd try meetup.com, I found a good group there. Find groups that are about topics you're interested in. Dating is way harder though. I've only had one girlfriend for all of 2 months over 10 years ago. I've tried dating sites, but it's ridiculously hard, especially for someone who's ASD. Living with your mom at 30 is not going to be very attractive either, unfortunately. I'm 26 and in the same boat and it's definitely a problem for me.
I've often heard that dating online is not ideal since people can say whatever they want to. In other words lie.
Have you gone to group therapies or Social Skills Groups? Since I'm planning to go to one and learn how to socialize, make and keep friends, and especially date.
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