Maybe I'm not as good at showing sympathy than I thought

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Joe90
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30 May 2017, 12:20 pm

I know I have high empathy and sympathy too, but I've figured I'm not very good at showing sympathy when someone is telling me their deep personal problems. I think what it is, is I don't always know what to say. As they are talking I'm just saying things like "yeah....oh....oh no....aww....that's terrible....oh....ohh....oh dear...." I'm not sure if that sounds very supportive or not. I can give hugs and even shed tears but knowing what to say to support someone with their problems seems to be awkward.

At work a colleague of mine (just call her A) is having major family problems at home, which I was told by another colleague (let's call her B). I am good friends with A and she's one of the people I talk to most at work, but she didn't tell me about her upsetting home life. I noticed she seemed sad this morning so I asked her if she was OK, and she just said she was emotional for no particular reason. After B told me what A was going through, I kept it quiet because I didn't want to approach A and go "oh B told me that you are having family issues...." and start interrogating her.

I figured that maybe A didn't want to open up to me about her personal problems because I'm not sympathetic enough or something. Or maybe she just didn't want to tell me in case it worried me too much. Is it normal for people to not tell ALL their friends what they are going through?


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kraftiekortie
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30 May 2017, 12:42 pm

The person you mentioned, I feel, just doesn't want to talk about what's going on.

There are many times when I feel emotional, and I don't want to talk about it, either.

Nothing to do with your ability to "show sympathy."



Joe90
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30 May 2017, 1:07 pm

Yes but she told one of the other colleagues, because that's who I heard it from. I know I shouldn't take these things personally.


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kraftiekortie
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30 May 2017, 1:25 pm

Your colleague might tell you things that she doesn't tell the other person.

I have found that many factors determine whether I tell people certain things.

There are things I tell my mother; there are things I don't tell my mother, but I tell a stranger on the street.