Facebook Social Rules?

Post Reply New Topic

Hi, I'm hoping someone can help me here...

I have a facebook account (who doesn't?) and I am tagged in a few (4) old photos with exes.

My current girlfriend takes issue with this and says I am 'displaying these photos for all the world to see'
and she says she feels disrespected by me that I haven't untagged myself in the photos of me and exes.
(They aren't my photos, just photos taken by other people which I have been tagged in)

I don't understand, she is really upset by this, but I'm not in touch with these people anymore and it was a long time ago before I met my current gf.

I have difficulty letting go of things, and whilst I have no feelings towards the exes, I feel that if I untag myself I am somehow deleting a part of my life or something.

What are the normal social rules for this sort of thing? Do people routinely erase all traces of previous partners from their facebook profile? It doesn't make sense to me. I don't understand why she feels disrespected, but I know she is sad about it, and I feel pushed to do something that seems unnecessary. As a result of this I feel the need to push back and not comply.

Can anyone help me to understand please?

Your gf sounds insecure & lacking in self-awareness. All humans are insecure & lacking in self-awareness to varying degrees. That is part of what makes us human. Facebook is a cesspool of malignant stupidity. You can placate your gf by untagging yourself from the photos in question & this may solve your current problem. Is it worth it, or is this just the beginning of a pattern neverending placation your gf will come to expect in order not to face her insecurities head-on?

This is Norma. I rember having this conversation with a work colleague. He was asking how to Utah himself from his exes photos.

You could always download the photos and save them to OneDrive or similar then untag yourself for the sake of peace.

Your girlfriend feels like you're holding on to something because you think it's better than her. Its insecure, but a real fear. Shes thinking 'What if I'm not good enough?' Or she's wondering if there is a reason you can't move on.

I've felt like I could never live up to someone's ex. He went on and on about her. It distanced me from him. Ok so a couple of photos isn't an obsession with the past. But I kind of understand the feeling of not being good enough and wondering if I'm just a consolation prize. (Not that I want to be a prize, but i can't think of a better analogy )

ok, thank you both. I appreciate your input, and for taking the time to post.
I can see how those fears could cause her to act this way, so I think I can work with that, but I'll keep an eye out for further (escalating) demands just in case
Thanks again

This just seems weird, especially if they are pictures that you didn't even post yourself but someone else did and tagged you in them. Why is she even concerned about this especially as they are old and therefore probably really far down on your wall/not getting viewed? And why is she on your Facebook page and looking down through old posts anyways? Like, um obsessive? And then she gets mad because you are tagged in someone else's photo? Doesn't make any sense to me. I think she is being extremely unfair to you. You aren't even doing anything.

I think it would be fine for you to ignore it, it's your facebook page and your life, not hers. It's not like you are obsessing over her, posting new/different pictures of the two of you or bringing it up in any other way. The problem is with her, not you.

Or if you want to keep the peace, download and save a copy of the photos for yourself and untag yourself.

I have no idea about normal internet rules, but that seems to be the problem. You're not. It's just sh*tty facebook. On the other hand... what would be the problem if you actually were? If you've lost contact with these people, what part do they actually play in your life?

Perhaps consider deleting and recreating your account to test your reliance on it. It does not house your memories or your life.

It's not a very down-to-earth, laid-back position, but I think a total purge of previous relationships on social media is a perfectly reasonable thing to expect.

Experience tells me that "insecurities" have a sensible basis in reality far more often than people like to acknowledge.

My wife got me on Facebook so we would be known the world as couple.