contact lapsing

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Anyone have constructive coping mechanisms for dealing with contact ping-pong?


At some point, I realised I have no real sense of whether others really intend to follow through with further contact. Instead of chasing them or making it happen, I just let contacts drop. I've found that after a time of the other person not contacting me, I tend to distance myself from whatever connection I felt - and I'm not able to pick it up when they show up all happy-faced, expecting to continue where we left off.

On the other side, when people I really like do work to maintain contact with me, I'm often so surprised - and so terrified of messing it up - that I neglect the interaction.

Ugh. Strange I'd never before seen how clearly AS this is for me. I've tried to get so many different therapists to help me out with this. One said, "You don't need friends - you have sisters!" Others have said things like "I can't imagine you not having friends - everyone must want to be your friend!" Even when I've explained that my social skills are highly superficial.

What sorts of things do you do to help maintain contact? We can maybe then think of new things to add to those or suggest new ways of approaching what you do.

Did you read my post at all?

I don't have any coping techniques, but I can identify with your situation.
People often say "we should hang out" or whatever, without any intention of doing so. It's weird. When they DO actually mean it, I tend to just think they've failed to notice that I'm weird. Then I never want to see them again, because I feel I've gotten away with something and I don't want to push my luck

Yes. Your response now suggests to me that you want other people to make all the effort. In that case, that would be your problem, and why people "lapse contact" with you.

LOL would it were so ...

I do however admire the efficient system you've got worked out for assessing and interpreting others' issues. It probably saves a lot of energy compared to my over-focus on empathy.

I totally get that. I rarely follow up, and I know my life could be so much more fulfilling if I socialized more and that means you have to work at it, but it's so damned hard to pick up the phone, and then I hate to "plan" my free time, so it's a no win situation.

No_YOU_get_over_it asked:

I wish!

About the best I can come up with is that I ask my partner for help:

He knows that all the stuff the "experts" suggest...i.e.dayplanner...blah...blah...don't work...

So we agreed that if I say: this is really important that I committ to having coffee...(or whatever)....he encourages me - call them...e-mail them...and he helps me to figure out the days and times...that I can set a date.

With that being said: (I'm a little nervous - cause I really tried to read your post correctly)....but anyway...

with that being said: I feel bad leaning on him this way....and truth be told he does get frustrated with it...

I wish I could do this on my own....
i.e. met a friend at school - we emailed each other - got an instant reply - freaked me out - wanted to go for coffee - couldn't bring myself to email back - why - I couldn't pick a time I would be free - (really liked the person) wanted to meet up - but I couldn't email back - worried about it for at least a week - finally emailed - with excuses - haven't heard back from them - another one bites the dust...

Sorry - thankyou for being patient - my point is:

coping

start with one person
ask for a mentor to assist and "strongly encourage you to respond and set a date"
Set a "time limit"
and hope for the best!

Yeah I cant work out when they say we should catch up if they really mean it or are just being polite. Like you, I am often pleasantly suprised when I do follow through and maintain contact, then really scared about screwing it up. I suppose we need to trust that they do like us quirks and odd behaviour included.

Also I have difficulty maintaining more than a couple of friends at the same time