test
07 Apr 2009, 9:27 am
07 Apr 2009, 12:57 pm
whipstitches wrote:
Meeting up with a group or club keeps the conversations focused on a specific topic or area of interest and it also allows you to be an "expert" in an area you are interested in! I belong to a quilting guild! I can go on and on and on about sewing and quilting, show off things I have made and learn from others who also quilt and sew. I am only expected to spend one day a month with these folks and that suits me just fine because once a month is about all of the NT interaction I can handle anyhow!!
Although I too could manage one or two days a month at a specialist hobby group, my fear would always be that someone would decide they wanted to get friendly outside of the group and start proposing we meet and socialize at other times. And then how do you keep turning them down without looking rude and souring the interaction with them that you have at the group?
This is what really stops me attempting any socializing at all - because people are never content to just accept that set time that you spend with them. They always start wanting more and more. It's not so much that I couldn't manage to meet people in very small doses, as that I'm afraid it would snowball into more than I could cope with.
07 Apr 2009, 1:21 pm
Hovis wrote:
...Although I too could manage one or two days a month at a specialist hobby group, my fear would always be that someone would decide they wanted to get friendly outside of the group and start proposing we meet and socialize at other times. And then how do you keep turning them down without looking rude and souring the interaction with them that you have at the group?
This is what really stops me attempting any socializing at all - because people are never content to just accept that set time that you spend with them. They always start wanting more and more. It's not so much that I couldn't manage to meet people in very small doses, as that I'm afraid it would snowball into more than I could cope with.
This is what really stops me attempting any socializing at all - because people are never content to just accept that set time that you spend with them. They always start wanting more and more. It's not so much that I couldn't manage to meet people in very small doses, as that I'm afraid it would snowball into more than I could cope with.
Don't think too far in the future. From my personal experience (your mileage may vary), over the years I've put up so many barriers to keep away unwanted attention, that most people tend to see me as unapproachable. When I do participate in groups of people who share a common interest with me, they still tend to keep their distance (or maybe I'm unconsciously keeping my distance - hard to tell at this point.) On the rare occasion that they do ask me to join them for a drink afterwards - if I accept, they seem genuinely pleased & if I decline, they seem to not take offense. The offline socializing really never becomes too much, because they quickly find that I'm not very at ease outside the context of our shared interests - so they don't ask me to join them very often.
Still, it is rewarding to have the shared interest.
Anyway, I'd say take it one step at a time & don't let worries about what will happen three steps later spoil your chance to share a bit with your fellow human beings.
07 Apr 2009, 1:26 pm
07 Apr 2009, 1:37 pm
Zeichner! I totally relate to what you are saying! I have the extra added excuse of having a small child at home, so that helps me out a lot. However!! !! Before I had the "small child" excuse I found that it didn't really "chap to many asses" (pardon my French 
) if I declined to do something with someone. I have also found that on the occasions that I do take someone up on an outing outside of the designated meeting, that person usually either has a lot of AS traits or they are REALLY fanatical about whatever the topic is. Because of this, on occasion, I actually enjoy having an outing with someone!
There is probably something that could be said about the "self fullfilling prophesies" school of thought right about now...... Know what I mean?
I find most people to be an emotional and intellectual vortex; sucking away all of my activation energy, but it is nice to know that sometimes some people turn out to be "okay". It's what helps me walk out the door everyday! 
07 Apr 2009, 1:45 pm
07 Apr 2009, 1:59 pm
08 Apr 2009, 3:46 pm
09 Apr 2009, 9:29 am
09 Apr 2009, 11:58 am
RoisinDubh wrote:
Over the years, I've trained myself to be pretty darned socially functional (mostly by mimicry, but whatever....it works), even to the point where a good deal of people are surprised to learn I have AS at all. However, it seems that I still occasionally (or a bit more than occasionally) REALLY rub people the wrong way. This, I'm used to....as a kid, people used to make it known to me regularly how annoying I was and how uncomfortable they were around me....and while I was certainly hurt by this, at the very least, I knew who liked me and who didn't. Adults, though, especially when dealing with other adults, are damned dishonest about their feelings. I have enough difficulty reading people as it is, but it really REALLY bothers me when people initially pretend they like me, even pretend to want to be friends with me, then later on start treating me like a leper. I literally can not tell a lot of the time whether or not I should try and pursue friendship with people, because they won't let me know where I stand. As I said, I really did NOT like being told I was annoying when I was younger, but I'm beginning to think it was a whole lot better that way than how it is now, being left to develop false hopes regarding friendships with people and then realising too late that they were just 'tolerating' me in a couple of situations.
For instance, what the HELL is up with people hugging and kissing me (I HATE THIS ANYWAY!! !), exchanging numbers with me, telling me how damn much fun I am....and then ignoring my phone calls, rejecting my friend request on Facebook, and running like hell when they see me in the street? Why can't they just be honest from the get-go?
(Note- I don't actually expect anyone to help me with this....I just need to rant. It's happened several times over the past month or so, and I'm frustrated as all hell!)
For instance, what the HELL is up with people hugging and kissing me (I HATE THIS ANYWAY!! !), exchanging numbers with me, telling me how damn much fun I am....and then ignoring my phone calls, rejecting my friend request on Facebook, and running like hell when they see me in the street? Why can't they just be honest from the get-go?
(Note- I don't actually expect anyone to help me with this....I just need to rant. It's happened several times over the past month or so, and I'm frustrated as all hell!)
On answer, they're phoney butt heads.
10 Apr 2009, 2:53 pm
13 Apr 2009, 10:07 am
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