To touch or not to touch...that is the question

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Are you affectionate?
I am affectionate 27%  27%  [ 23 ]
I am affectionate 27%  27%  [ 23 ]
Affectionate schmefectionate 7%  7%  [ 6 ]
Affectionate schmefectionate 7%  7%  [ 6 ]
If I hug you I will look like pe' pe' le pews girlfriend 5%  5%  [ 4 ]
If I hug you I will look like pe' pe' le pews girlfriend 5%  5%  [ 4 ]
ok I will sit next to you, above that now way 9%  9%  [ 8 ]
ok I will sit next to you, above that now way 9%  9%  [ 8 ]
other 2%  2%  [ 2 ]
other 2%  2%  [ 2 ]
Total votes : 86

quietangel
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14 Jan 2006, 10:03 pm

This is for when you are/or were involved in a relationship..I am talking about everyday affection, not stuff that goes in the mature forum.


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Serissa
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14 Jan 2006, 10:11 pm

I am affectionate, now, anyway (alternating with mock-hostility). Sometimes. At any rate, I am compared to how I used to be, so that's how I voted... dunno, I'll sayb yes for now and if Thagomizer ever finds this thread and thinks that's wrong he can correct me. :P I'm not very good at being verbally demonstrative, but, ironically, the touch barrier is gone, and actually disappeared almost instantly and turned into a mere lack of trainig. I say ironically because words are my strong point and I wouldn't let anyone touch me before I started the relationship. Blah. Rambling. Late. Tired. Does this help?



quietangel
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14 Jan 2006, 11:03 pm

I can definately see what you mean. When I was younger, the people I was involved with would try to be affectionate and I had a hard time with that.

I have learned to be affectionate with my kids... the youngest mostly he likes to sit by me alot, which sometimes I am not for.

I hope more people respond, I am really curious as to who has been through similar..


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lowfreq50
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15 Jan 2006, 12:21 am

I would not let my parents hug me when I was a kid. Now they don't bother to try. I got'em trained! :lol:


Nowadays I will hug people (girls, to be more specific). Anything past hugging, such as holding hands or kissing, is awkward and I don't like it.



hermit
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15 Jan 2006, 1:59 am

quietangel,

I'm not entirely sure what you mean. Affection how? Since it's a bf/gf question it could mean a few things... I guess I'll answer the variations that come to mind.

1. PDA's are out. If you want to see a great turtle imitation this'll do it.

2. If it's just the two of us and we're sitting around, for example, sometimes. I do like to communicate to my partner/ receive in some way that things are ok between us. That's more important than the touching, which is a form of communication. I just want the communication to exist so I'm not in the dark. Hope that makes sense. But I do like to be physical sometimes, see below, and also the mature part.

3. I do like massages with partners... don't know if that's affection as much as a massage I feel comfortable receiving...

4. A kiss hello/goodbye is unnecessary. It's physical small talk. Unless It's going to be a while until I see said gf.

Thinking about this as I write, my answer is: no affection unless the libido is somehow involved or it's a massage.



SB2
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15 Jan 2006, 2:53 am

hermit wrote:
quietangel,

I'm not entirely sure what you mean. Affection how? Since it's a bf/gf question it could mean a few things... I guess I'll answer the variations that come to mind.

1. PDA's are out. If you want to see a great turtle imitation this'll do it.

2. If it's just the two of us and we're sitting around, for example, sometimes. I do like to communicate to my partner/ receive in some way that things are ok between us. That's more important than the touching, which is a form of communication. I just want the communication to exist so I'm not in the dark. Hope that makes sense. But I do like to be physical sometimes, see below, and also the mature part.

3. I do like massages with partners... don't know if that's affection as much as a massage I feel comfortable receiving...

4. A kiss hello/goodbye is unnecessary. It's physical small talk. Unless It's going to be a while until I see said gf.

Thinking about this as I write, my answer is: no affection unless the libido is somehow involved or it's a massage.


that was a great honest answer.

But, dont you ever let your fingers do the walking, and give a massage?


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MsTriste
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15 Jan 2006, 4:02 am

Nope, not very affectionate. Occasionally I forget I'm out in public and stick my hand down my BF's shorts or something, though. He's the only one I'm even remotely affectionate with - I can't stand being touched by anybody else. I hate the kiss or hug greeting. I'll get all antsy about it in advance when I go see certain people who I know are going to do that, then I can relax when it's over. My kids have complained that I'm not affectionate enough, and I try, but it's really hard even with them, whom I love dearly. Sigh.



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15 Jan 2006, 5:00 am

I am affectionate... most of the time. Sometimes I get irritable and fall into one of my don't-touch-me-or-else moods and then I definately won't be affectionate. Others have described me as unaffectionate but when I'm in the right situation or alone with my bf then I'm more open to showing affection - I hate showing it in public.

aylissa wrote:
My kids have complained that I'm not affectionate enough, and I try, but it's really hard even with them, whom I love dearly. Sigh.
My parents complain about that as well. I never hug them and well I rarely even talk to them... so it is a bit hard for me to be affectionate. With other friends I'll hug them if they hug me, but no one expects me to initiate a hug goodbye unless they're going away for a while or we're feeling closer.



Serissa
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15 Jan 2006, 10:00 am

Astarael wrote:
I am affectionate... most of the time. Sometimes I get irritable and fall into one of my don't-touch-me-or-else moods and then I definately won't be affectionate.


When I'm really upset/in a meltdown I can't stand to have ANYONE touch me. I've always been like that. I get like a cornered animal. When people try to comfort me when I'm like that, emotionally, I usually want a hug, but there's too many alarm bell that go off when people try to go near me for me to be able to do it, usually.



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15 Jan 2006, 10:12 am

I had to learn to hug, and the timing and degree of the hug remains an intellectual question.

I don't recall much in the way of physical contact from my parents (nor on reviewing it later, did they get contact from their parents...) and for many years I took that as the underlying framework for my social difficulties. Now, I'm having to re-think that.

It's not that physical touch is unpleasant, but the great potential for rule-breaking, "getting it wrong" does cause that degree of doubt, hesitation and calculation which is well set to ruin the moment, seen from the other side.



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15 Jan 2006, 12:51 pm

For people in general i want to hug and cuddle with them all the time. For my mate, i want to cuddle, caress, lick and bite every part of you.


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synchro
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15 Jan 2006, 7:18 pm

Everyday affection within the confines of a relationship? In those instances, I am super-affectionate. I have to be touching, kissing, and feeling all the time and demand the same in return from my partner. A woman being non-affectionate would be a deal breaker, there’s no way I could be happy with someone who isn’t very sensual.

As for being affectionate with anyone who I'm not romantically interested in, no way. Don't touch me! I have a hippy friend that likes to hug hello and goodbye all the time. I put up with it, but am sick of it and plan on telling him to knock it off next time I see him. Sometimes I react with hostility when people touch me, I really don’t like it.



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15 Jan 2006, 7:58 pm

I hug girls but like lowfreq find anything more to feel odd. Part of that is because I have the relationship experience of an average 11 year old and don't want to be made fun of for it. I strain and analyze girls alot before I let them close. Usually they fail and then I get scared that they will make fun of me for being a bad kisser or whatever.



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16 Jan 2006, 8:22 pm

I like being touched alot, but only by the right people.

That basically sums it up. Whether you're a right person or not seems to be some bizzare selection method conjoured up in my subconcious.



quietangel
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16 Jan 2006, 8:33 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
That basically sums it up. Whether you're a right person or not seems to be some bizzare selection method conjoured up in my subconcious.
''

Yeah I know what you mean... Sometimes (in the past) i have really liked a person, then my body or brain or whatever hits the rejected button. It really pisses me off.


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hale_bopp
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16 Jan 2006, 9:08 pm

quietangel wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
That basically sums it up. Whether you're a right person or not seems to be some bizzare selection method conjoured up in my subconcious.
''

Yeah I know what you mean... Sometimes (in the past) i have really liked a person, then my body or brain or whatever hits the rejected button. It really pisses me off.


lol.

That happens to me sometimes. But I learnt why I rejected a person eventaully, but I do trust my gut instincts.