Kids say the darndest things

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gosh kids have the strangest jokes.

which reminds me: http://badkidsjokes.tumblr.com/

I'm not a parent, but I said some pretty funny stuff as a kid, (some of which was caught on video camera). When I was about six years old, (and apparently did not know that the word hell was impolite,) went outside at night, saw the moon was not visible, and declared, "Where the hell is the moon???" There was also the time my parents interviewed me, (This was one of the ones on video), after I lost my first tooth. They had printed up a note from the tooth fairy for me, but what I was really interested in was that the heart around the note had different colors in it, and that the outside one was "my first favourite colour" the next one was my "second favourite colour"... et cetera. When asked how the tooth fairy knew this, I proclaimed without a hint of doubt, "The tooth fairy knows EVERY-THING!! !! Everyone says it, and I say it too." Lol!

My 2 year 8 months old daughter doesn't say much yet, but he keep saying " happy happy" while playing with her blocks, and I think that so cute. When I was about 3 I told my that she was beautiful like a princess, except for her nose. I also said to my aunt's maid " excuse me, can you please give me a liquid so I can hydrate myself?" when I was 4, she made fun of it for years...

My 7 year old recently diagnosed with Aspergers was staring intently at his minecraft game, very still with a frown on his face. I asked him what was wrong.

"I am waiting for the pig to lay me some pork."

After I stopped chuckling we then had a talk about chickens and eggs and where meat comes from

My daughter, when she as about 5, LOUDLY, right in the middle of a busy dining hall:
"Daddy, remember when I sat on your penis?"
"What???"
"Remember when I sat on your penis?"
(Looking around nervously half expecting someone to call police or such): "But you never did that"
"Yes I did, yesterday, remember?"
(Lightbulb slowly coming on... talking very loudly to make sure anyone who might be listening won't miss this part)
"You sat on my lap yesterday, is that what you mean? I was fully clothed at the time, as well as every other time you've sat on my lap!"
"Yes, but you have a penis in there!"
"Yes I do (LOL) - but look, it's called sitting on someone's lap, ok? Will you please call it that?"

(Disappointed face. This was soon after her 2nd little brother was born, it must have been a natural mental connection to make with all those baby penises around)
Just for the record, I'd like to state here that no underage person has ever sat on my penis!

I took my son (4) to Hungry Jacks (Aussie Burger King), we got to the counter and before the cashier could speak he announced, "I'm Jack and I'm hungry!"

My 10 year old Aspie: When I put my knees together, it looks like a butt.

Alrighty then.

A lot of people think it's funny when a little kid says something really embarrassing like, "Mom, why does your breath smell so bad in the morning?"or "Hey, Grandma has a mustache!", but when you get older everyone glares at you for saying something that was meant to be a joke, and then you get lectured for a good 30 minutes by your mom for saying something you didn't even realize was wrong and stupid until she tells you, and even asks you why you would say something like that when you're a teenager now and should know better.

Who am I talking about? Why whatever do you mean?

I don't have children, but I have 5 neurotypical siblings that piss me off and annoy me.

"Fifty cents, that's like a dollar."

"Saying a robbery happens every 5 seconds is like saying my name is (Rudin's sister)."

They also talk nonsense about police, "robbers" and criminals.

"Police can't get arrested."

The say the most stupid things. Grr...

When I was five, and my brother was 2.5, small toys were an issue in our house because he could eat them. One day I was writing a thank-you note, making the letters very small, my father commended me.

Dad: Nice job, your writing is tiny!
Me: ...they're very small.
Dad: That's right.
Me: ...they're so small, they're a choking hazard.

Then I grinned and sauntered away, leaving the card on the table.

Great post, thanks for sharing!

I just picked up the planet Jupiter and its 63 moons from my living room floor, carefully placed by the 7 yr old aspie at our house. He is studying the solar system at school and fixated on Jupiter and its enormous gravity and 63 moons. Who knew we owned so many bouncy balls, superballs and easter eggs? The bliss on his face when he placed moon #63 in its place was worth picking my way across the living room for a day. But i finally couldn't stand it and had to walk on my floor again.

Little niece at grand-grandmothers funeral, in the silent moment ofcourse: "But where's grandma's other leg now?"