No Integrity
19 Jan 2006, 2:07 pm
My husband thinks that it is ok to carry a car insurance form that says he has insurance from Nov 2005 - June 2006, yet he has not paid for the insurance and doesn't plan on paying for it. He said that the card is just to protect him if the cops pull him over. I was so angry at him last night, because I have the same insurance card in my car but did not realise that we were not paying for the car insurance. He never told me, he just let me beleive we had insurance.
I yelled at him and told him how angry I was that he did not tell me we were not paying for it. But my husband says that the state of Hawaii has taken advantage of us, so he does not really care.
My concern is that it seems easy for him to lie and be dishonest, when it is convient for him. I think this can affect my marrige to, what is stopping him from being dishonest with me in our marriage when it might be convient for him (like cheating etc.)? I worry now that he might do this directly with our marrige if he finds it convient for him, as it doesn't seem to bother him when its convient for him. Should I be concerned about this?
19 Jan 2006, 2:42 pm
It also drives me crazy when my husband breaks rules. It's not even a moral thing really. It's just that he's breaking rules, and it drives me crazy and annoys me. I still have trouble letting it go.
For instance one rule (it's a citywide regulation) is that the garbage has to be out on the curb by midnight the night before pickup. But he often waits till 1am or later. This bothers me.
He will also steam off stamps and re-use them. This bothers me a lot too.
He also turns postal service envelopes inside out to use them for regular mail, thus getting a free envelope. This bugs me.
He doesn't wear matching socks, either.
19 Jan 2006, 3:01 pm
I don't know what the laws are in Hawaii but in Texas you can get in big trouble for that. I know because I was hit by a drunk driver who was doing the same time - carrying cards of an insurance policy that he hadn't paid for and had been cancelled by the company for nonpayment. In Texas you are required by law to have at least liability coverage, and providing incorrect insurance cards when you in fact aren't really covered is just as abd as driving with a fake DL. It can get you arrested, fined and/or stripped of your license.
Your husband is a jerk enough to think he's entitled to do this, but that he's potentially putting you at risk of being punished by the law for his stupidity is really inexcusable. Your husband has some big emotional/maturity issues if he can't deal with the simple responsiblities of being an adult and a spouse, and makes ridiculous rationalizations like that. Normally these things aren't isolated instances - if he's cheating on his insurance and lied to you about it (perhaps passively, but it's still lying), there's a regrettably high chance he's done it with other things. I would suggest that you start asserting yourself over your household financial matters and making sure other bills are getting paid and all your joint income is in someway accounted for. If he starts getting sneaky or defensive, that's not a good sign. As his wife, you have every right to know where the household income is going.
Another thing you ought to do is get your credit report and make sure he hasn't taken out any credit cards in your name, or used your credit for any loans you are not aware of. You don't have to tell him you're doing this, but seriously, I would recommend it.
If he isn't forthcoming with you from this point on about money issues, and since he's already done one thing that's justifies you seriously questioning his handling of other money matters, I'd say that's grounds for a divorce. It may not be my place to say that, but hey, women get screwed over by lying, cheating husbands all the time. I known women whose lives, financial security and even credit record has been destroyed by such men. It may be just this one thing with your husband, and I seriously hope that's the case, but I wouldn't assume that until you've done the homework yourself.
19 Jan 2006, 4:16 pm
For instance one rule (it's a citywide regulation) is that the garbage has to be out on the curb by midnight the night before pickup. But he often waits till 1am or later. This bothers me.
He will also steam off stamps and re-use them. This bothers me a lot too.
He also turns postal service envelopes inside out to use them for regular mail, thus getting a free envelope. This bugs me.
He doesn't wear matching socks, either.
I can understand the grievance Dej feels. Her husband is putting her at legitimate risk of legal trouble if she is pulled over by a police officer. Her husband is making her an unwitting accomplice in stealing from the automobile insurance company by planning not to pay the bill.
En_una_isla, honestly, your grievances with your husband have some basis; but none of them are unethical, immoral, or otherwise wrong except for his steaming off stamps to reuse them, which is theft. That he is unwilling to spend the couple of dollars per month to buy fresh stamps, moreover, shows that he's cheap rather than a petty thief. The garbage will never be picked up before 1:00 in the morning anyway; so, if he does take out the trash a little later than a city ordinance might require, he is committing no wrong other than not following a trivial rule that most people probably aren't even aware of.
Many aspies seem to have a bit of the obsessive-compulsive personality when they insist on strict obedience of the rules in spite of their moral or ethical grounding, or lack thereof.
19 Jan 2006, 4:41 pm
Dej, ask your husband if he is glad to have services such as smooth roads to drive on, fire and paramedic aid, police protection and a military. (a little off topic, sorry)
Ask him if he likes the fact that if someone slams into his car, the other driver's insurance will pay for the damages?
Some people are selectively dishonest but it is a que that maybe he doesn't value integrity enough.
Maybe you could think of something to give him a sneaky, object lesson. If he's on the recieving end of the dishonesty, maybe he'll see the light.
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larsenjw92286
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Joined: 30 Aug 2004
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,062
Location: Seattle, Washington
19 Jan 2006, 4:45 pm
19 Jan 2006, 7:35 pm
Bland,
yes i asked him and he is happy that if another person slams into his car that their insurance will have to pay for it. On his side, he belives he will not get into any accident.
I think he picks and chooses what he will tell me.....andhe calls this communication for our relationship.
