If someone isn't interested in what you're talking about....

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and if people have the audacity to find me boring, I certainly would not bother talking to them again as they must be a very uninteresting person!

i wish someone would obsess with me about cortisol.

I am guilty of this. I am usually friendly and respectful when speaking with people, but sometimes when people really tick me off, or need set straight on things, I can be brutally honest with them.

The thing is, most people in the world are living one giant lie. They lie to themselves, and they lie to others, and when someone tells them the truth, they can't handle it. In one way, I can see how this can be hurtful to people, but sometimes, this is the only way they are ever going to help themselves.

Between this and your last post, it's pretty clear why most people don't get along with you (as you've admitted in the past):

1. You assume that if someone doesn't like you, there's something wrong with THEM, and
2. You are unwilling to do the hard work it takes to change.

Between the laziness and the superiority complex, it's no surprise you don't have many friends. I am not saying this to be cruel, I'm pointing out flaws in your thinking and behavior which are completely in your control that you are choosing to go about in a counterproductive way.

Believe me, I really get annoyed by people thinking they're perfect, and I'm an aspie...

I, for one, went through this as a kid... I had a major superiority complex, and thought I was perfect and above everyone else... but eventually, I experienced my first rejection... It was a traumatic event for its time (I was 14 then), but it served to allow me to re-evaluate my life, and realize just how full of s**t I was...

That event put me in a depression for 3 years... but then an amazing thing happened: People started actually being friendly with me... Nowadays I make friends quite easily, and that's without me having to learn body language... As for monologues, I often just catch myself launching into one now and apologize for the rambling, but then the other person usually doesn't mind, since they don't have to be rude with me to get me to shut up...

My point is this: The superiority complex will ruin your chances a lot more than not being able to read body language will, and the sooner you cast off a superiority complex, the better off you'll be... I don't think that highly of myself nowadays (to the point that I'm reticent to accept compliments from others), but even now people can at least relate to me because I don't consider myself as anything special... I'm still hurting for somebody to love me, but at the very least I am making friends...

it's bad when even a fellow obsesser tells you to stop. i think i even upset the moderators sometimes.

but what benefit do I get from conversing or spending time with people.

I find them boring, they interupt my thoughts, they irratate me.

I do not want to have lots of friends, I have to expend quite a bit of energy on avoiding people and stopping them pestering me.

It would be foolish for me to gather friends who i was not interested in or did not care about.

just because you want friends or to be popular does not mean everyone else does or values those things.

and in CBT they tell you to like yourself and be ok with who you are, they do not teach you to berate yourself and put yourself down.

everyone is ok as they are and you would find more happiness if you found friends who liked you as you are rather than people who expected you to 'perform'.

You'd be surprised, ToadOfSteel, how close you are to finding love. Lots of the Aspie guys on here don't seem to realize that being a friend is a necessary precursor to being lovable.

One other thing...understanding of body language (often capitalised) seems to be treated here as some mystic property, the lack of it's comprehension being the root of all social failure ever. Strangely enough, there are plenty of visually impaired people in the world who also obviously don't "get" body language yet don't whine on about it, there are also different protocols in diferent cultures. So this is one AS obsession I don't have, and have no patience for in others. Good manners and courtesy are just as important, I don't see that getting the same promotion.

Good manners include accepting chit chat IS the grease that oils the social wheels, limiting how much you say about one topic, or at least explaining you are passionate about it and find you may talk too much, and appreciating context- someone on their way to work has not the same amount of free time as someone who has chosen to meet up with you. Also, intellectual snobbery and arrogance are masive flaws, not only WILL you encounter someone who knows far more and will prove it to you, there will be others who will silently observe your idiocy as they don't invest their ego in intellectual peacock displays.

Often it involves diluting blunt honesty too, an example I can think of is I don't multitask, and get snippy if interupted in an important task in the lab. With friends I know to explain it away by saying exactly the situation,"Aw shame I can only do one job at a time, you know I don't want to seem grumpy so have you time for coffee when I've finished this?"

Just my rant, sorry!
(One more thing:-I find infuriating the idea that you can cure yourself of poor success in dating by buying self help books written in the main by people who don't have AS, and who probably never thought for a minute we might be their target audience)

I think you underestimate the senses of the visually impaired. They most certainly can hear or feel the cues that body language gives off, such as the rustle of clothing from crossing and uncrossing of arms or the impatient tap of a foot. They are also much more sensitive to voice tone and breathing (like a sigh of impatience).

Body language isn't just about the visual, and please remember that not all visually impaired people were always like that. Some of them had sight for good portions of their lives, and have had plenty of time to observe these same cues.

Don't ever underestimate Body Language (yes, I capitalized it on purpose). At 65%+ of the conversation, it's probably the meat of the message, not the verbal. Sometimes "yes" means "no," depending on how it was conveyed -- pretty important.

I would listen for a while, then change the subject.

I think the body language obsession is focussing on a lack, rather than building on a perfectly reasonable foundation of using the right language and social conventions. My son has severe autism, with some quite major behavioral issues, yet because he has learrned to ask with please and recieve with thank you (mostly on his own, although I have encouraged him as for a long time was his only language) he is described as a "lovely " child- resulting in some of his behavioural problems being less negatively viewed.

Obviously both inability to decipher cues and communicative issues are part and parcel of AS, however it's amazing how many people have no idea how brusque, pompous, patronising or downright offensive they appear by failing with basic social niceties such as please and thankyou, inquiries about the other person and acknowledgments/explanations. If you have a polite manner, it's possible to enquire if you should leave a subject, etc.It's equally possible to politely tell people you can't read body language I don't know how other than offensive mime you can convey "I have no manners" through body language:lol:

I accidentally attended a session for overseas students starting my course, and these things (please thankyou, greetings etc) were emphasised, it was even pointed out that failing in these are not the things that would be pointed out there and then, but rather were the things that leave an unspoken but lingering negative impression. Which was a bit of a wake up call for me.
Besides, much simpler than a wide range of movement interpretation to remember a few formulas, after hello- "Ask how they are, wait for answer", any request or enquiry="say please", receipt of answer (even if not helpful) requires acknowledgment of response either "thank you" or "Well, thanks for your time"

Looks like this is just a bee in my bonnet, however I really think courtesy is undervalued as a general concept yet it's absence creates needless hostility. Maybe "respect" has replaced it in meaning.

(I had strict parents and grandparents. Table manners were non-negotiable either. Amazing how the removal of pudding motivated learning. )

Again, you're putting yourself "above" others and the task of "making friends." You see them as interruptions, obstacles, and irritations. I guarantee you that no qualified and good therapist would see this and tell you it's not a problem that in the end will make you unhappy. We are social creatures, and your superiority complex, which also seems to take the form of indifference, is a poor mask for the fact that deep down, of COURSE you wish you had friends. You just wish you had friends who loved you unconditionally and who didn't expect you to follow basic social norms and rules. This is childish thinking, and you'd be a much happier and far less lonely person were you willing to engage in a little "give-and-take" with the rest of the human race.

Also, you said that your CBT therapist told you to just be happy with yourself. From your posts and an objective standpoint, you are nowhere near that point. People who are happy with themselves not only attract friends effortlessly, but also don't judge others negatively and adamantly demand that their way is right and they shouldn't have to change. You may have convinced yourself that you're happy the way you are, but it's pretty transparent that that is not true.

I have never claimed to be happy, I spend most of the time in a state of dispair and constantly contemplate suicide.

However you do not know me or how I interact socially so you have know idea if I come accross as uninteresting and superior.

I still think that it does aspies no good to attract friends that they do not have the capasity to maintain the friendships of. Aspies will not be able to keep an act on 24/7 amd when the 'friends' see the mask slip they will drop the aspie like a hot potato.

and for you to claim that aspies are "social creatures" indicates a complete lack of understanding of AS.