Too. Many. Friends.

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Can you get these as herbal teas?

You might be right, I think I can distinguish between "real" friends and "fake" friends, but I think I might get confused with the levels of the friendship. I think part of the problem is I keep feeling like I need to treat all my friends equally, whereas I should be treating them according to a friendship hierarchy. Erg, it's so confusing. I think being in college probably doesn't help - too many people, too many friendships!!

Maybe you could stop showering and become very smelly and unhygenic.

But then you could have the same problem with flies.



Ok might I suggest makng a list and then planning to spend time with your different friends, that way it will not become less overwhelming and you won't neglect anyone. Also make sure you have plenty of alone time.

I think part of being a twentysomething or even a thirtysomething.. is to examine which values that parents instilled to take on and which to reject.

My parents never put social pressure on me. They did however pressure me to "work hard", (very hard), and "focus" and "try your best at everything". That sounds like great advice but an ADD dyspraxic person like me would drive themselves into the ground if they lived my these values. And I did. Still trying to recover.

It's probably best to get a spray type rescue remedy, you spray it under your tongue (it sounds weird but that's the way you use it). And if you're planning on getting st. johns wort, it's best to get the one that you dilute in some water. The reason I say this is because then you know what you're getting dosage wise. If you make a tea there's no way for you to know the strenght of it. I'm not kidding when I say it's strong. Start with a rescue remedy when you've had too much stimulation, if it helps, stick with it. If it doesn't work, then try the st. johns wort but don't use st. johns wort first. I'd also think it may be best not to use them at the same time.

Hope this is a help.

I agree about the homeopathic "Rescue Remedy". It is absorbed into the blood stream sub lingually (under the tongue) and tends to relax me on a non-muscular loosening way. (My problem with 'relaxing' drugs is I need a certain amount of body tension to be able to function) When you drink St.John's Wort tea (Wort is middle English name for 'plant like liverwort or whirlywort') you have no idea what the dosage is. And you have to stay out of direct sunlight or it tends to turns one orange colored.

i know it's maddening. i have alot of friends too. given, that with my aspie situation they're not really close friends and my friendships lack the kind of stability to reach that kind of closeness, but nonetheless i'm picking up more all the time. the ironic part is that a part of me wants to be f*****g close best friends with just about EVERYONE, while the setbacks of my disorder throw my mind into chaos trying to deal with everyone. i'm not giving off, emulating, mimicking really good signals like you do according to your post so i'm not exactly the most popular, but i'm friendly, forgiving, and nice to a fault damnit. lol.

i come off to alot of people as a little odd, weird, etc.
i can't help it, the instinctual socialism isn't hard-wired into my brain like most people.
some things that other people find funny or fun i find inane, pointless, impractical.
my mindset is practical, ecclectic, a battle of logic and emotion.
i'm fascinated by the concept of ambiguity, duality, duplicity. oposites existing in a whole.
ahhh....i just realized i'm rambling...fuckk

anywho, umm, i forgot the direction i was originally going to take that actually...lol
this is another difference between me and normal. i'm blunt. i'm not going to rewrite all of this. thoughts transferring directly to words without an internal buffer to make sure it all actually sounds right. it's raw thought and more personal that way.

Hi Seanmw, I think I'm in a similarly situation to you. I know of/recognize a LOT of people in my course at Uni, but I'm only acquaintances or casual friends with nearly all of them. At first it may look like I am very social, but actually it's coz I have difficulty making them open up to me even though I open up to them. I feel like a superfical butterfly even though I would love to speak to people at a deeper level straight from the start. My main problem is with small talk/chit chat, especially if I don't have much in common with that person, and I think most NTs want to do small talk at the start before talking more sophisticated stuff.

I used to want to have heaps of friends, but I felt that it was more realistic to not try so hard in having so many friends, but instead practice your "social skills" when talking to anybody in general. And learn from your mistakes. You will also have a bit more spare time to focus on your interests too.

It gets really stressful like that, but you slowly learn a bit each day, especially if you do that self reflection thing (of the conversations that happened throughout the day) which I ALWAYS do when I'm alone or at home.

exactttly. i have a friend like that. not an aspie, but he likes to talk about deep things and dislikes small talk chit chat, also pretty open-minded. prolly only reason we got along as well as we did. still, pretty unstable, and it's hard to find people like that.

i came to that realization about keeping a low friend number for practicality reasons long ago. doesn't mean the irrational want still isn't there *sigh*....

i prolly reflect each night before i sleep. personally i'd rather not reflect so much. all that tortuous self-analytical "reflecting" drives me crazy : P and my sleep quality is terrible. it's like having a new terrible revelation about why my life sucks each and every time. and dredges up old memories that were best forgotten and brought forth in new light are upsetting and disturbing to me.

Yeah, it's the fact that you know you're making lots of mistakes every day and the the terrible revelations of past incidents which makes it stressful and hard on you. But on a more "positive" view, it makes you more determined not to make that same mistake again next time. I have so many bad memories in the past of saying the wrong things and accidentally offending people or provoking them to look down/bully me etc.

I found out that one rule to avoid offending people is to agree or say something positive (compliment) to whatever they say, even if you disagree or dislike something. If you are able to give constructive criticism in a very polite/diplomatic manner, then you can avoid using that rule, but for now I use it most of the time. Yes, it makes people harder to know the real you, but who's to say that they aren't being fake as well? (lots of people make small white lies to me, I've noticed)

oh, i do tend to do that. outwardly i'm pretty nice and agreeable. although i'm aware a side affect of that is that some people look at that and come to think i'm a doormat. and although i generally don't show much emotion outwardly, i'm very emotionally based and moody. when i'm drunk that comes through in either one of two ways, unbearable depression but only if i begin drinking when i'm already in a mildy depressed mood, or, on the other hand and more often than not i'm a happy bubbly drunk who's everyone's best friend and gives away hugs and such as readily as the average american tries to get rid of excess pennies. never really have drunk angry outbursts or explosions ever idk why, those are reserved for sober moments.

Yes it may give people the tendency to think that you're a doormat or a yes-man. For now the aim is to get along with people though... I don't show much emotion on my face either so tons of people in the past thought I was sad all the time. I reduced that impression by smiling a bit and open my eyes more at people when I talk to them, especially when giving compliments so it appears more sincere like you mean it. The forced smiling and eye opening though gets me tired after several minutes though.

A thing I practice atm is when I give a compliment or agreement, I try to add something to rationalize.

Like if one person said that his retail job sucks, I try to say something good like "Well at least it makes you better experienced in dealing with difficult people." etc. It's a bit like a game in my head, trying to think of good things or reasons to agree with them as quick as possible.

Atm I'm avoiding alcohol due to political reasons (alcohol lobby is willing to support Marijuana ban), but I used to ALWAYS drink at parties so I felt more relaxed and less anxious. Words come out of my mouth much more smoothly and I appeared more happy/cheerful like you. However, I am avoiding it coz I don't want to always use it as a crutch at these occasions. And some people will think you're drunk anyway if you say something that sounds stupid to them.

Yeah I never have angry outbursts when I'm drunk. I seriously never understood how lots of people become violent when they are drunk...

I've definitely had this problem on and off. At some times I've been the complete social outcast, but at other times when I'm trying really hard and land in the right situation, I'll get popular (trouble is,most of them don't ACTUALLY care about me- I found that the hard way earlier this year) I'm still suffering from social burnout from my third semester at university. I've cut down to about 1/4 of the 'friends' I had- I'm now at about 12- and half of them I might only make contact with once a year or less. A few I talk to every few weeks. I feel much more optimistic about getting the things done that I need to do in my life, and about having just a few very special relationships. Hopefully I can raise the quality bar again now that I've weeded out the rest. It was an emotional process, but one can't be too sentimental about these things.

Never had that problem......