The “Wishful Thinking” Weekend Activity Support Thread

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Do you dream about going out on weekends for fun times? Do you always end up sitting at home cause you’d have to, y’know, interact with people? Show of hands, pleeze!

I have a weekly ritual of perusing the calendar of events, and finding something that catches my eye, but that I would never seriously consider doing. Kind of a mental battle between the life I wish I had, and my socially-challenged reality. All joking aside, it is very frustrating to me. I’ve pretty much heard all the advice there is. But, maybe just sharing with others who experience this would help.

Today’s pick: A local arts organization is having a Tie Dye Night. It says they teach you how to dye a shirt, plus there is live music, food and drink, and 60’s theme. Over 21 only. They even say, bring your own dish to share.

Why I’m intrigued: I dunno, I like the idea of it. Sounds like a fun way to unwind on a Friday night.

Why I didn’t go: This is just not the kind of thing you go to alone. Especially if you know you’ll walk in nervous and not start up a conversation with anyone. I don’t even wear tie dye, even though it looks cool. I wouldn’t be drinking either. So this just didn't make sense for me. But even so, I feel like I’m missing out on a good time.

What I did instead: Drove around for awhile. Thought about walking around at a downtown First Friday event, but couldn’t find parking. Went home. Now listening to the ballgame and messing around on the ‘puter. Blah.

Will try again tomorrow…

Usually I end up not going because I will be going alone. Afraid that yet again, I will end up invisible to everyone else there. Or with my short-mindedness, I forget, and remember after it is too late to go.

Today’s plan is ambitious. I am going to the beach. I’ve been wanting to do this all summer. Going down late afternoon and hope to stay till after sunset.

Why I’m intrigued: It’s the fricken beach! Duh! Seriously, there’s just a feeling that comes over you, that you can’t get anywhere else than watching the waves roll in.

What I’m not looking forward to: It’s a two hour drive each way, more if I hit traffic. Crowds, of course, but I’m heading for one of the supposedly quieter areas along the Delaware shore. And, not entirely sure I can occupy myself for more than an hour, but I will try.

Got my sunscreen, got my quarters, got my CD’s… I actually feel kind of excited. Will report back on how it turns out!

Beach report: Let’s start with the annoyances… drive down took 3 hours thanks to a wrong turn, the food sucked, bathrooms were crowded, boardwalk was cheezy. Then on the drive home everybody had their blinding bright headlights on, lost my CD (and found it), lost my camera (and found it).

But I also found what I came for. Standing on the shore as the waves wash over my feet, in and out. Varying degrees of force, a small one, then a big one, never knowing what's coming. Sinking into the sand as it shifts and reforms. A mesmerizing swirl. I'd forgotten what this feels like. A couple times the wave reaches to the bottom of my shorts, coating my legs with a crust of sand. I stand there as long as I can, watching break after break, caught up in the moment, everything else forgotten. This was priceless.

So was it worth the trip? Yes and no. The negatives make me say I won’t hurry back. The positives make me say, I must do this again real soon. You can never separate the two, it’s pointless to try. Just take them both as they come and react to them as best you can.

Oh tell me about it. I have trouble waking in the day, suffer social anxiety, and have a dodgy unpredictable stomach from IBS so I don't really get to go anywhere with those narrow limitations. But I would love to go drinking with the girls Saturday night. Or a sleepover at a friends place. (I'm in my twenties, but what? Why are only children and preteens allowed to have slumber parties?) Or at least do something fun.

That's the other thing, I don't know many women let alone women of my own age. That's frustrating. But it's mainly the other stuff, the anxiety most of all. It spoils the fun even if I miraculously manage to get somewhere.

Usually I spend my weekends sleeping in, doing my shopping and cleaning, walking. At night I'll knit a bit, read, and go on the net.

pretty cool thread I'm always making plans & not carrying them through... think I'll make a 'pick something for the person below to do this weekend' thread...

Today’s pick: Meditation class at a local yoga center. They offer this weekly on Friday nights, and the price is right. (Free!) I’ve been thinking of checking it out for awhile.

Why I’m intrigued: Fits with my idea of low-key unwinding on a Friday night. I’ve had a very trying week this week, and it’s tempting to sit home by myself and recharge. My hunch tells me this could be better.

What I’m not looking forward to: Will I be the only noob? Who else will be there? Will they make me do stuff?

I had a nice time! There were like 15 people there and 5 were noobs! I had to introduce myself, but that was no big deal. Pretty much, they were like me, my age group. Mostly women, couple guys, so I was not the only one. The lady was pretty good, she had that “enlightened” air about her. We did a sitting meditation, then a walking meditation, and then she gave a talk on Goodness. Nice discussion afterward including whether Michael Vick has good in him. It did clear my mind a little bit. I'm glad I went!

I would totally do this again next week. But I'll have to get out of what I usually do every week at that time, which will be tricky, and which I've been wanting to get out of. I will have to try.

Saturday 8/15: Today I did..... nothing! I was really in the mood to do something, and I looked pretty hard, but there was just nothing that spoke to me. But that was okay. Stayed around the house, caught up on stuff, took a nice walk at the park. Now getting ready to watch a movie on demand. Some days, what you're wishfully thinking of the most, is right in front of you.

Friday 8/21 – Tonight I went back to the meditation class a second time. OMG. It was not good. Up until the last 2 minutes, it was just meh. Like the novelty had worn off from the first time. Just a meh meditation. Plus, somebody’s cell phone went off while we were all sitting silently, and people were walkin’ in and out of the room, it was not a good vibe.

But then at the end, the instructor goes, I want you to do this interactive exercise for 2 minutes. Right away, I think, oh sh*t. She goes, turn to the person next to you, and “be present” with them for 2 minutes. WTF? So the person next to me is this super-athletic girl, who it also turns out is a real experienced meditator (the teacher had her demonstrate a technique earlier).

So we turn and face each other, and I don’t know what the hell to do. Am I supposed to gaze into her eyes? Not happening. Eye contact is intense for me. I can manage a second or two at a time with someone I know. But where else do I look? She’s taller than me, so her chest is at eye level – um, I can’t very well stare there! So I decide my only option is to look down at the ground. Which I proceed to do for two excruciating minutes.

Meanwhile, I know she’s staring back at me, watching me twiddle my thumbs impatiently, probably thinking I’m some kinda mental defective. I can’t wait for it to end. I’m also well aware I’m only proving the point of the exercise, which is you must be comfortable with yourself to be “authentically present.” I get it. I actually like myself quite a lot these days. But I will never be self-confident to the point I can lock eyes with a stranger. I feel ashamed, and I resent being put in this position. I don’t think I’ll be going back to meditation class real soon.

I wish for something better tomorrow.

Sat. 8/22 – It rained all night last night. It’s supposed to rain again later. I’m not really in the mood to go out or see anyone today. I did eventually get out of the house to take a walk, that’s about it.

You know what I wish on days like this? I wish someone would call me up and we’d just go, “Hey. You doin’ anything?” “No.” “Me neither. Wanna do something?” “’K.” And we’d just do whatever. Go eat somewhere, and sit there for like an hour. Or walk around, go into stores, and not buy anything. Just pass the time. And it wouldn’t matter if I wasn’t in the best of moods to begin with.

It seems like this is what NT’s do any given day. A social circle they can call upon whenever needed, without even thinking about it, like breathing. I wonder what it feels like.

I have some Facebook friends, but we don’t do things together. I don’t really know how to change that. Is there a way to say, “Hey, I’m here, I’m up for whatever?” without looking desperate?

BTW, I’m glad you are reading my thread, and sorry if it’s turning into a personal blog. I would love to hear what you did today, and if you wish it was something different, I will offer as much encouragement as I can.

Hello greenturtle74,

Hope your Sunday will be a happy sunny one!

Today I was blessed to have a couple of friends help with a big favor. You see, I signed up to sell fine art photos at a street fair in September, and it's required for the fair that you bring and set up your own white craft fair tent.

Now being a small female with typical Aspie clumsiness who lives in an apartment and doesn't have space to practice putting up a tent which is literally built using ten-foot metal poles which you need to screw together and attach a plastic canopy to ... I called someone with a backyard for help.

It took the three of us to figure out how to put the crazy contraption together (it keeps falling apart but at least we know how it's supposed to work). I brought over a cherry strudel as a small thank-you gift for their helping me.

When it came time to take apart the tent poles, I suddenly remembered that my camera was all the way across town and I'd really better go get the camera first and take pictures of what the tent looked like when it was assembled or I'd never remember how to do it again myself! Plus I needed to put bright-colored stickers on the inside of the tent canopy so I could tell it from the outside of the tent. So of course on my way home to get the camera it starts raining. My friends decide to do me a favor by taking apart the tent and putting it inside a garage ! !!

On my return, the rain was stopping so we had to put the tent poles together ALL OVER AGAIN so I could take pictures and color code the tent with the stickers!

They were very patient with me, and we ended up having lunch together at the house, dinner out, and just hanging out and watching tv a bit. I think all the trials and tribulations of the day and going through it together helped us to bond more as friends.

I have no idea how the whole tent thing is going to work out, but at least today's adventure turned out pretty nice.

Another slothful weekend for me. But I've got a few things to sort before I turn into a social butterfly so...
I've made a list of things I might be able to do, I'll see how they go.

Hi, the_phoenix, thank you for sharing, that sounds like a wonderful day. I can totally relate to being over-prepared and wanting to practice putting the tent up ahead of time. It sounds like you have a great group of friends and you appreciate them very much.

Hi activebutodd, a list is a great idea. I keep a list of ideas that I add to whenever something strikes me, and then I come back to it from time to time. I also record the date I added each item – it helps me keep track of how long I’ve been planning something, and that can help motivate me. Take your time and you’ll find your own pace. Good luck!

Sunday is always chore day for me, with time to relax and catch up when I can fit it in. But the sun is shining, so I am feelin’ okay!

Dear greenturtle74,

Glad to hear you're enjoying a nice relaxing weekend.

The whole tent thing is still making me a tad nervous, as we couldn't actually manage to get the tent to stand up properly ... so I called a sister in New York and am asking if she has one I might borrow that would be easier to put up.

The friends are kind of loose-knit ones, and I can tell they're not 100% compatible with me, but the good thing is they're making an effort and I hope they don't find me "too" annoying. * lol *

Will be on the road the next several days but I look forward to staying in contact with you on my return if you like.

Friday 8/28 - It's damp and drizzling out, and I've got a lot on my mind, so I'm staying in tonight. You ever have one of those nights you put the Ipod on shuffle, and it somehow finds song after song that fits your mood and the weather just right? Joni's "Come In From the Cold" sounded wonderful tonight.

I am pondering the idea of setting up an account on meetup.com. Has anyone tried this? It looks like just random people who get together for a specific activity, and if you want to join a group, you just sign up. There's a board game group in my area I might check out, and groups who go on day trips, and lots of other stuff. I'm sure I will run into the usual difficulties with socializing, but maybe it's worth a shot.