Did the person who diagnosed you tell you...?

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I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome in 2000. The diagnosis was given by a Neuropsychologist.

Now, getting in to see this doctor took months. She did not give me ANY treatment options at all. Basically she told me there wasn't anything.

I saw her a second time, a few years later. Mom wanted to see whether the options for treatment had suddenly appeared around here.

Now I was taken aback by what this doctor said when I got there for round two. She said it was in my best interest to move out of my parent's house ASAP. (She even said, "You're going to hate me for saying this" before she said it). And she said to mom, "She's going to give a million reasons why it won't work." Mom asked whether I should find a job first so I could afford to live on my own (I am on disability). She said no, the priority was, my own place first. THEN find job. And she said I needed a cat. Which is fine, I love cats, but in this area most rentals do not permit pets, and I don't know whether I could afford to take care of a cat on only like 900 a month, where the rents average about 600. Now I've got to say, that advice made 0 sense to me. I know people on disability who aren't making it on their own, and they're not even AS. The only ones that are keeping their heads above water are those that already have part-time jobs, or have children and the extra money they get for that as well as alimony from their exes.

I wanted a second opinion about whether I had Asperger's and contacted a local University about their psychology program and their taking in patients to train students in the program, and whether I could be helped by it. They said I needed a referral from the diagnoser of my Asperger's Syndrome. I asked for a referral and it was refused on the Neuropsychologist's end. *shrugs* I don't know why. Maybe it would have been a waste of time, going to that.

Has ANY professional ever told you this, or something like this? Or did they tell you any other things that seemed made of WTF or off the wall?

Or, do you know whether the advice given by this Neuropsychologist is wrong?

I don't know if her advice is right or wrong, but it is true that there's really nothing they can do for adults with AS.
I know that personally, I'm always a wreak if I live with my parents. The having a cat thing makes sense, though, so that you wouldn't be unduly stressed by social interactions and responsibilities, but wouldn't be completely alone in your own place.
This might sound weird, but might you be able to get a ferret instead? They're a bit harder to litter train, but they can be. And they'd be more likely to be considered by an apartment building to be a small caged animal that they'd think of more on the level of a hamster. They act an awful lot like cats, though. They're descended from "polecats." Not feline, but fairly similar in personality. (And extremely humorous creatures.. lol, It's like having an upside-down letter U running around acting like a cat.)

Hate to say it but I think that was good advice. I'm not working and have moved into my own place. It can be a bit of a struggle both financially (I do a bit of part time work) and emotionally but it is slowly giving me a bit more confidence.

oooh a ferret. I don't know how available they are here but I'd love to have one.

I got one at Petco.
The litter training thing isn't so natural like a cat, but they like to go in corners, not in boxes. They don't kick litter, and they don't even really need litter, newspaper can work instead. The trick is to get a few small litterboxes, and cut them into quarters.. then stick them into any corners where the ferret likes to go.
How ferrets are classified may vary state to state.. but here anyways, they're just in the small animal section of the pet store, just hamsters and Guinea pigs and rabbits... You can keep them in a cage or not.

I have never had a psychologist tell me that, but it is good advice.

I know that my stress levels dropped dramatically when I finally moved out on my own. Without being around other people (my family) I can rock back and forth, pace around, and generally act as weird as I want without disturbing anybody. I dont have to make pointless dinner conversations. I dont have to defend my immature actions to my mother. If I want to stay up till 3 am watching anime then I can do that and nobody will complain. I dont have to deal with anybody invading my space, or moving my stuff. Living independently is a big portion of why I am feeling much less stressed now then only a year ago.

Also, your mother would probably feel better if you were on your own. I doubt that she dislikes you, but as you said in another post, she feel's like a failure for not helping you become independent. You moving out would probably help her to feel better about herself. It would also give her a bit more space and offer her some peace of mind. After all, she wont be alive forever, and she would like to know that you can live by yourself before she dies.

So, if you can afford it, I would definitely go for it.

As for the pet cat. Pets in general are great ways to reduce stress, and since stress is generally the biggest problem with autistic people, the advice makes sense. Now I personally like dogs, but cats are good too, and also probably easier to take care of. A pet isnt going to suddenly make you able to work, but they will provide you with companionship and enjoyment in a very small, furry, package.

As for affording it:

Would you qualify for section 8 (government assisted) housing? That would probably be cheaper then living in an apartment. Also, where do you live, and would you be willing to relocate? Smaller cities generally have much cheaper rent. If your willing to move 45 mins away from wherever you are out into the suburbs rent prices may drop lower. I know that here in waco you can a nice 700 sq ft. appartment for only 450/month.

You could also start looking for ways to earn some extra income. Working a part time job at a store for minimum wage probably isnt the best idea. At least I know it wouldn't work for me. But there is some money to be made in other ways. See if your local school could use some help with grading papers. They may be willing to hire you for 2 hours/day just to go through and grade papers. You may only get 10 bucks, but do that monday-friday and it is an extra 200 per month, which incidentally is more then I spend for my entire entertainment budget.

I dont know how you are with children, but you might also want to offer cheap babysitting services to single parents in your area. This obviously would require you to be able to take care of children, but it may be something to look into. If you are an outdoorsy type, you could offer lawn care services around your neighborhood. Stuff like mowing the lawn, watering plants, shoveling snow, etc. That's how I made my money in high school. Granted it was only 30$/week, but when you are living cheaply, every little bit helps.

I woul dthink the neuropsych couldn't refuse to refer you for a second opinion, but I live in a different part of the world (where I live, legally the doc is obliged to refer you if you want a second opinion).

As for the remarks the neuropsych made, I don't think this is really appropriate. I don't think a neuropsych has any expertise relevant to telling you to mov eout ofyour parents' house. If she'd been a family therapist, it might've been in her expertise, although than again I wouldn't do such suggestions when only having seen the patient a few times. But this seems rather inappropriate and I'm not even sure whether it would be ethically allowed.

I have to agree with changelingirl on this one...... I think the advice was sort of a "mixed bag" (so to speak). It was good advice in that being on your own could turn out to help with stress and help you to feel more independent, but not giving you a referral to a program that could potentially help you doesn't sound right at all. I don't know where you live, but I would think that at the very least the doctor would be obligated to write a letter stating what your diagnosis is. The university could probably help you out from there. What good is a diagnosis if the doctor won't share it with people who can help? Right?

As for the cat thing..... I don't like cats all that much, so this wouldn't have made any sense for me! Maybe you like cats, but what if you didn't? Did this person read that "All Cats Have Asperger's" book or something? I mean.... why a cat and not just a "pet"? I think that your doctor is maybe not all that professional or something. I am really sorry about your experience.... by the way. I imagine that the whole situation is stressful for you. Interesting how the whole point was to alleviate stress....... Advice like that would have me awake at night pacing the floor!!

I also agree with Changelingirl. Every person with autism is different. Some people with Asperger's (like myself) are perfectly happy living with their parents, and other people in general, while some people are happier living on their own. I think your neurologist was stereotyping all autistic people as being unable to function around neurotypical people (unfortunately, I know one too many people that have made this mistake.) I was diagnosed with Asperger's as a child and I've had no problem living with my parents and my brothers (with both of my parents and two of my brothers being neurotypical.) I agree that having a pet does reduce stress but that's true with autistic and neurotypical people. I wouldn't completely disregard their advice but I would remember that living on your own with a cat is not your only option.

If you're on US disability, you do qualify for assisted housing, however, I was informed days ago that the HUD waiting list (in this area at least), due to the sinking economy and wave after wave of layoffs leaving families homeless, has reached two years long and been put on hold until further notice.

Many apartment complexes offer discounts to those on disability (they may not advertise this, so call around or ask your local Mental Health facilities for a list). Places that rent to able-bodied NTs for 700mo are available with proof of disability income, as low as 345mo for two bedrooms (in this area - your town may vary). If you don't need that much space, you could probably find a single BR, or efficiency for a price you can manage.

I have seen ads for places renting as low as 100mo for 1BR, but I shudder to think what they may look like, as 400-600 seems the going rate.

Oh, yes - My therapist told me not lot ago that if I applied for housing assistance, she could write me a 'doctor's note' that I must be allowed to keep my dog for my own emotional and mental well-being. Just something to keep in mind should it become an issue.

I agree with ChangelingGirl and whipstitches about that it's not something the neuropsych is really qualified to say about. Also the assumption that all Aspies love cats is wrong (I love them myself but that's me), I also like fish and freshwater snails as pets.

I'm guessing that the suggestion to move out may be because of a view about people moving out at or before a certian age in the neuropsych's head. Also the not giving you a referral is strange. She seems not to know enough about AS to advise you about it. Sterotypes make a person look unprofessional (ie all Aspies love cats).

I didn't get any advice from my diagnosing docs, other than to contact them if I needed something (what I know not). I was told that there is little that can be done, but I've heard and read other views here and in a variety of other places. I think it depends on who you are, what your situation is, and what you want versus what you have.

Cats, or more generally pets are great companions and a good source of stress relief. However, be prepared to deal with the stress of caring for your pets when they become sick, injured, and be ready to deal with death, too. None of that is easy for anyone, but Aspies may have to consider issues that NTs don't, such as money, personal means of transport, or comfort with sudden changes in daily routines.

Maybe this is overly cynical, but maybe she doesn't really believe you have AS (or doesn't believe in it at all, or is uninformed but not admitting it). It sounds like she thinks you "just need to grow up." I.e. the part about getting a place first and then getting a job -- an expert ought to know that ASDs can make finding employment difficult (if not impossible, for some). OTOH, a person who is "immature," just needs to get out in the world and can find a job as easily as any 'normal' person. And immature people also 'make lots of silly excuses to avoid independence,' which she also pre-emptively accused you of.

My thought is just that maybe she doesn't think you have AS, and that that's why she won't give you the referral.

I will admit it seems a bit overly egregious for a neuropsych to do for 8 years, though.

Ok am I the only one who thinks this is completely stupid? How can you get your own place with no income? And a cat that requires food with requires money to buy food? I mean yeah, I agree it's probably best to get your own place but get a job first! I can't even believe a professional would recommend something like that.

Oh I know this is the case, she has told me this.



I used to have a cat. But then we found out mom was allergic. Or at least she thinks she's allergic.


I live in Canada, so it works a bit differently here. We don't call it Section 8 but we do have 'subsidized housing' and 'subsidized rent'. However, because it's Canada...there's a years-long waiting list to get any of that.


I can't relocate anywhere cheaper. At least, not and stay in the Province. I can't get the disability if I leave the Province.


I'm in a fairly small town already.


45 min away in either direction isn't any cheaper than where I am. In fact it's more. I'm on an Island.


The entire reason I was on disability in the first place is because I can't work. Until I get rid of the Lyme disease, I won't be able to sustain any sort of 'work' activity. Schools in Canada don't work that way and they don't outsource help to grade papers. It is not work I would enjoy anyway.


That's actually a poor idea. While I do get along pretty good with kids, I cannot bear to be in a situation where a child is misbehaving and I'm the only one that can do anything.



Bad idea, at least at this time. Lyme disease causes intense pain in my muscles that for years was misdiagnosed as Fibromyalgia. I haven't been able to mow a lawn in 13 years. These days people either do it themselves or hire landscapers.

When I get rid of the Lyme I'm most likely to want to resume drawing/writing.