Blaming the victim...

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Why do people (esp. those in authority) do this?

I don't understand this mindset at all. Do they do it on purpose? If not, why the hell does it happen?

Me and my friend were talking about this at lunchtime today, and we came to the conclusion that there's basically nothing you can do when you are being bullied that will not provoke criticism of some kind. If you retaliate, you're aggressive; if you tell a teacher, you're a grass; if you do nothing, you're a "willing victim".

A fourth proposal is missing in your poll. I would say "others".

They respect bullies and those on top. That's the truth. They also don't want to disrupt the informal distributions of power that facilitate their work.

I have also wondered this and thought up a few reasons:


They are stupid
They are just as bad as the bully
They are friends of the bully and friends tend to stick up for their own friends
You're older so they expect you to show a good example (that is if a bully is a few years younger than you or more)

And also, lot of people think bullying is part of life so therefore you have to get used to it and just walk away
They also think bullying is something that kids do so get used to it

My experience....

Bullies sometimes even bully the boss.

Management types are also lazy.

So, if you are the victim and another is the bully, most times firing/blaming you is the easy solution. That the bully is wrong doesn't matter because 99 of the other 100 employees learn to put up with him. If you don't, then you are the odd man out. It's not right, but it plays to the economics of easy management.

Often, the victim is only really protected when it would be a larger liability to punish them than to defend them.

I remember this from when I was in school and these girls pushed me down the stairs, and we all got sent to the office and all got written up...

I remember in middle school I used to get beat up during English class. The girl sitting next to me used to like to hit and kick me (and this was eighth grade, she should have been over that sort of thing by then). The teacher never did anything about it, even though she obviously saw it because we were sitting in the front row. One time, during silent reading, the other girl kicked me out of my desk and I tumbled to the ground. I got yelled at and when I tried to explain that I’d just been kicked out of my desk I got yelled at more for talking during silent reading.

I know the reason the girl didn’t get into trouble was because she was the daughter of one of the other teachers. Really, I think it’s more of how to deal with that sort of thing by making the least fuss possible. They usually ignore it if they can, but if you’re complaining then you’re obviously the problem even though you haven’t done anything wrong. It’s the same in schools, hospitals, any sort of institution. It's not really fair, but eh, life's not fair.

I'm not entirely sure how to respond, because this has honestly never happened to me. If there was a problem, the blame was never pinned on me unless it was actually my fault .

Same for everyone else I know.

If it does happen, one thing that makes things more difficult is perspective. Perhaps to the victim, it may seem obvious that they're the victim, but this isn't always the case to people outside of their narrow range. Alot of people will blow up how obvious something really is when they think others SHOULD have noticed it, regardless on whether it was actually noticeable or not. The person in power doesn't always know what to do.

@Rhapsody
You didn't try telling the principal, AP's, or counselors about it?

Its like the joke of "Why do animal activists hate fur but tolerate leather? Its way easier to harass a little old lady than a motorcycle gang member". Simply put, its much easier to punish the victim because - they are a victim. On the hierarchy, the strong rise, the weak follow. On something like a dog team, you have an alpha dog and the team who is led - the alpha dog, however, is not *necessarily* the lead dog in a race - a smart alpha will realize it if there is a stronger dog/smarter dog on the team and let them take the lead. However, at the end of the day, its the alpha who is fed first, and in doing that the chain of command is kept in tact.

However, the problem with humans is - we became self aware but at the same time we haven't shaken the stupid pack mentality. We misinterpret evil as being strong. I can't tell you how many times I heard, after I complained of someone tormenting me, that I *must* have done something to them first. They saw me as a lesser member of the pack, on some very primitive and outdated mode of thinking. Therefore, I should fight with the dog immediately above me, not with the pack leader who may be several dogs above me. If you tussle with the dog above you in rank, and lose, you don't have the right to rise further, which would be fine if we were dogs because all that means is we don't eat as soon as a higher ranked dog. Problem with humans is, when you don't do well in the tussle, we have way more inventive ways to torture each other, sigh.

Having said that, I would be a little scared if you did understand the mindset, because it would mean that you have accepted the cruelty of it all. I think in the last few decades we have made a few positive strides in this, but its a constant battle, especially when it seems people are just getting more selfish in the world again. What we need in this world is a few more people to say "no, bad dog!" I think...

Thanks for the replies. Very interesting insights.

The thing is, I have not yet lost that last bit of faith in humanity that keeps me from really believing that the majority of humans are as evil as they often seem. Part of me is convinced that this "pack mentality" must be some sort of illusion, and there really is a rational explanation for it other than that people are really that heartless.

If it really was some sort of illusion I don’t think it would be so prevalent in fiction. But I don’t think it means people are heartless exactly: just that we are more instinctual than we would like to think.

In primary school I found that teachers only started to take notice of any bullying once it spiralled into physical violence. This always meant that both bully and victim would be punished as "You were both fighting when I saw you!"

Trying to tell a teacher before things got to that stage got you nowhere and only served to label you among the staff as a problem child who was always running to the teacher and "telling tales". The only action taken was that the teacher would tell you to "Stay away from them" or "Don't play with them", before sending you away.

When it came to punishments the victim (me) would generally be dealt with worse as that was who the teacher had spoken to several times previously. I think they must have concluded that I was provoking the responses from the others, because how else could one person be getting into so many scrapes?

Unfortunately I found that by trying to stand up to bullies you just appear to be lowering yourself to their level. Therefore you leave yourself open to being treated the same or worse by the authority figures.