Do crushes feel different than 'love'?

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Shebakoby
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01 Oct 2009, 1:26 pm

And if so, in what way?



Janissy
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01 Oct 2009, 2:13 pm

A crush is one way. You are strongly attracted to somebody but are not in a romantic relationship with that person.

Love is two way. You are both in a relationship with each other.



CrinklyCrustacean
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01 Oct 2009, 3:23 pm

Janissy wrote:
Love is two way. You are both in a relationship with each other.


But you can be in love without being in a relationship.



Shebakoby
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01 Oct 2009, 3:47 pm

yeah but what I wanted to know is if it -feels- different. Like, do crushes have an anxious-knot-in-the-stomach component (uncomfortable yet longing feeling) while love does not? Or what?



CanadianRose
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01 Oct 2009, 3:47 pm

I think Janissy is on the right track when she said "A crush is one way."

I remember having a "crush" on someone in high school. I thought he was cute, funny and I could imagine being in a romantic relationship with him. However, I never got the courage to flirt with him or talk to him even.

I think of a "crush" as an intense feeling of attraction, but without a way of making this attraction a relationship reality. Some barriers to preventing a relationship reality include (but are not limited to):

Being in a work relationship when the object of one's crush is a superior or subordinate (ergo "dating" is taboo);

The object of one's crush is in a committed relationship already (married or in a long term relationship);

The object of ones' crush is a celebrity (major or minor) - for example I might have a crush on Brad Pitt :lol: - obviously the chances of this developing into a relationship are nil - even if we got a chance to even meet - which is still nil.

The object of one's crush is unaware of one's existance or has any interest in one's existence - i.e. doesn't even say "hello" or say "hello" in a casual, perfunctory way;

The object of one's crush has indicated (subtely or obviousl/verbally or non-verbally) that they are not interested in persuing a relationship (i.e. they have used closed body language, haven't offered their telephone number or called when given one's telephone number, have said, "I am not interested").

Love, on the other hand, can mean exactly what Janissy said, "love is two way. You are both in a relationship with each other." Love is unconditional. Love is feeling secure with the other person and not worrying whether they still "love" one in return.



mitharatowen
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01 Oct 2009, 3:53 pm

Quote:
Love is unconditional.

I'll have to disagree with that. Love can definately fade as a result of actions (or lack thereof) that your partner takes (aka conditions).



j5689
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01 Oct 2009, 4:38 pm

Shebakoby wrote:
yeah but what I wanted to know is if it -feels- different. Like, do crushes have an anxious-knot-in-the-stomach component (uncomfortable yet longing feeling) while love does not? Or what?
Why do you keep pointing out that feeling?



Shebakoby
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01 Oct 2009, 4:58 pm

j5689 wrote:
Shebakoby wrote:
yeah but what I wanted to know is if it -feels- different. Like, do crushes have an anxious-knot-in-the-stomach component (uncomfortable yet longing feeling) while love does not? Or what?
Why do you keep pointing out that feeling?


Because that's the only 'feeling' I've ever known that I can remotely attach to affection of any kind.



CanadianRose
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01 Oct 2009, 5:09 pm

mitharatowen wrote:
Quote:
Love is unconditional.

I'll have to disagree with that. Love can definately fade as a result of actions (or lack thereof) that your partner takes (aka conditions).


You have a point - however, I meant more generallly. For example, if my dear husband gains 10 or 20 lbs - I am not going to fall out of love with him. If I have spinach in my teeth or I start to show my age more - my husband is not going to fall out of love with me.

However, if my dear husband started lying to me, cheating on me or hurting me on a regular basis - I think I could fall out of love!



j5689
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01 Oct 2009, 5:12 pm

Shebakoby wrote:
j5689 wrote:
Shebakoby wrote:
yeah but what I wanted to know is if it -feels- different. Like, do crushes have an anxious-knot-in-the-stomach component (uncomfortable yet longing feeling) while love does not? Or what?
Why do you keep pointing out that feeling?


Because that's the only 'feeling' I've ever known that I can remotely attach to affection of any kind.
I'm not sure how well you know whoever you're crushing on, but from my experience even the girl I have a crush on gave me feelings similar to what people have described.

Even if it was only for a few moments at a time that she made me feel loved, it made all that pain and worrying that I'd done for months at time worth it. If only I'd known those were the signs at the time

When she pushed her ex aside one time and hugged me for about half a minute, I'd never felt so complete in my life. That level of happiness is unreachable in any other way. I want so much to have it again, but of course I don't know if it will ever happen again.



Shebakoby
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01 Oct 2009, 5:37 pm

j5689 wrote:
Shebakoby wrote:
j5689 wrote:
Shebakoby wrote:
yeah but what I wanted to know is if it -feels- different. Like, do crushes have an anxious-knot-in-the-stomach component (uncomfortable yet longing feeling) while love does not? Or what?
Why do you keep pointing out that feeling?


Because that's the only 'feeling' I've ever known that I can remotely attach to affection of any kind.
I'm not sure how well you know whoever you're crushing on, but from my experience even the girl I have a crush on gave me feelings similar to what people have described.

Even if it was only for a few moments at a time that she made me feel loved, it made all that pain and worrying that I'd done for months at time worth it. If only I'd known those were the signs at the time

When she pushed her ex aside one time and hugged me for about half a minute, I'd never felt so complete in my life. That level of happiness is unreachable in any other way. I want so much to have it again, but of course I don't know if it will ever happen again.


Thing is, I am in a unique situation. I'm 'crushing' - if that is what you can call it - over a cartoon character, and have done for over 25 years. I have the exact kind of sensation for that as I do for affection for family members. Therefore, I do not know whether what I'm feeling is 'love', general affection, or whether it's something abnormal that does not mean anything like that.



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01 Oct 2009, 10:27 pm

CanadianRose wrote:
For example, if my dear husband gains 10 or 20 lbs - I am not going to fall out of love with him.


I truly loved my now-ex bf, but his weight gain years ago was definitely a dealbreaker. I became less and less attracted to him physically, which made me far less interested in our sexual relationship (which was perfectly acceptable to my ex, because he wasn't all that into sex, anyway - but that's another story).


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SINsister
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01 Oct 2009, 10:28 pm

Shebakoby wrote:
I'm 'crushing' - if that is what you can call it - over a cartoon character, and have done for over 25 years.


Been there, done that, bought the DVD... ;)


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mitharatowen
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01 Oct 2009, 10:41 pm

SINsister wrote:
CanadianRose wrote:
For example, if my dear husband gains 10 or 20 lbs - I am not going to fall out of love with him.


I truly loved my now-ex bf, but his weight gain years ago was definitely a dealbreaker. I became less and less attracted to him physically, which made me far less interested in our sexual relationship (which was perfectly acceptable to my ex, because he wasn't all that into sex, anyway - but that's another story).

Oh boy, sounds like we have some things in common :lol:



anna-banana
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02 Oct 2009, 10:39 am

I'm guessing that the OP is asking about the physical sensation of crushing/falling in love.

OP, I'm quite alexithymic myself and detached from my emotions so I don't really find the words for those, but I've learned to observe my physical reactions and tie them to specific "emotions" that I'm probably feeling at the time. and although I've never been in love I can tell you that whenever I'm around people I feel attracted to I feel kinda nauseous :p having a crush feels a bit like temporary insanity/obsession/cocaine high.


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Shebakoby
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02 Oct 2009, 4:44 pm

anna-banana wrote:
I'm guessing that the OP is asking about the physical sensation of crushing/falling in love.

OP, I'm quite alexithymic myself and detached from my emotions so I don't really find the words for those, but I've learned to observe my physical reactions and tie them to specific "emotions" that I'm probably feeling at the time. and although I've never been in love I can tell you that whenever I'm around people I feel attracted to I feel kinda nauseous :p having a crush feels a bit like temporary insanity/obsession/cocaine high.

yeah, pretty much...