The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome by Tony Attwood

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Blindspot149
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18 Oct 2009, 3:27 am

Still on the topic of understanding and expression of emotions two key stages for managing AS and coping better in the world.

1. Learning about emotions (Affective education)
2. Changing thoughts, emotions and behaviour using logic and reasoning (Cognitive restructuring)


This requires a lot of work (clear detail given in the book with lots of examples).

It seems much of the difficulty of the AS person derives from impaired Theory of Mind (I find this term a bit confusing as the impairment is real and not theoretical but there I go taking things literally............. the word theory in the description actually makes it hard for me to remember what this is!)

We fundamentally do not understand how others think and feel (to varying degrees) which makes it difficult for us to understand (social) behaviour.

It is all completely logical AND the good news is that the professional adaptation method also seems to be completely logical.

This is very encouraging for me :)


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Blindspot149
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27 Oct 2009, 12:31 am

Nearly finished and what a great book.

I almost skipped the chapter on long term relationships but I am so glad that I didn't.

I read through a complete description of my life as a husband and father with a mixture of feelings that I can't really describe in any meaningful way.

All I could really understand was the thought of how very sorry I am having (unknowingly) been less they deserve and how I am going to be a better person..........


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ColdBlooded
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27 Oct 2009, 2:57 pm

I just ordered this book on ebay. I couldn't find it at any book stores around here.



CMaximus
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27 Oct 2009, 3:19 pm

Good book. I was a little freaked out by how well it seemed to know all about me in detail, sometimes. Not always, but quite often!



Jono
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27 Oct 2009, 4:02 pm

Blindspot149 wrote:
Nearly finished and what a great book.

I almost skipped the chapter on long term relationships but I am so glad that I didn't.

I read through a complete description of my life as a husband and father with a mixture of feelings that I can't really describe in any meaningful way.

All I could really understand was the thought of how very sorry I am having (unknowingly) been less they deserve and how I am going to be a better person..........


Do you view that as a personal failing on your part? It could just of been the non-verbal communication issues that are intrinsic to AS. I wouldn't know because I've never even been in a relationship. I think that Tony Attwood book might be useful for a lot of other aspects in life but I haven't even got a copy yet.



Blindspot149
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27 Oct 2009, 10:13 pm

Jono wrote:
Blindspot149 wrote:
Nearly finished and what a great book.

I almost skipped the chapter on long term relationships but I am so glad that I didn't.

I read through a complete description of my life as a husband and father with a mixture of feelings that I can't really describe in any meaningful way.

All I could really understand was the thought of how very sorry I am having (unknowingly) been less they deserve and how I am going to be a better person..........


Do you view that as a personal failing on your part? It could just of been the non-verbal communication issues that are intrinsic to AS. I wouldn't know because I've never even been in a relationship. I think that Tony Attwood book might be useful for a lot of other aspects in life but I haven't even got a copy yet.



Hello Jono,

I don't actually see this as a personal failing. Without a diagnosis and with the camoflage of a relatively high 'IQ' I had never suspected anything 'unusual'.

We have an invisible disability.


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UrchinStar47
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28 Oct 2009, 3:19 am

I read it. It's the best book on the subject that I ever found.



Blindspot149
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28 Oct 2009, 3:27 am

UrchinStar47 wrote:
I read it. It's the best book on the subject that I ever found.



I finished the my first reading of the book in just over a week.

I've started my second reading of the book already, making notes this time and mapping out the resources (there is a fantastic resource section in the book) and getting started on the CBT so I can learn to live better outside of my Autistic Matrix.


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UrchinStar47
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28 Oct 2009, 3:54 am

I can honestly say that it is true that psychoanalysis has nothing to offer to an aspie. If anyone wants true help, find a good behaviorist, with them it's not so important that you have AS.



mattl009
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28 Oct 2009, 11:19 am

is this the one that starts out with the kid coming to a birthday party and telling the mother all about her special interest?


then ends with a hypothetical of the person as an adult?

if so this is THE book that convinced me that i had aspergers as i had some doubts. like people were saying its all about me (or, most of it). ive lent it to my mother in law , i need to get it back for review.

yes i spent time in narnia, middle earth, etc as ateen too, very apropos!



Blindspot149
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28 Oct 2009, 11:22 am

mattl009 wrote:
is this the one that starts out with the kid coming to a birthday party and telling the mother all about her special interest?


then ends with a hypothetical of the person as an adult?

if so this is THE book that convinced me that i had aspergers as i had some doubts. like people were saying its all about me (or, most of it). ive lent it to my mother in law , i need to get it back for review.

yes i spent time in narnia, middle earth, etc as ateen too, very apropos!



Yes this is the same book.

Did you cry when you read the chapter on relationships?


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mattl009
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28 Oct 2009, 11:33 am

Blindspot149 wrote:
Yes this is the same book.
Did you cry when you read the chapter on relationships?


oh god that was good!! the BEST. well, i dont recall if i cried on that chapter but i got teary a few times throughout. its painful and also enlightening and a relief.

actually since you asked i have to tell you i criEd at the end describing the guy as an adult as its no so different from me now (no bmw though as im not that conservative :)



greenturtle74
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29 Oct 2009, 6:22 pm

Finished it today! I've never read a book that was so technical and yet impossible to put down. I'm glad I got to it earlier than I planned.

BTW, this thread is kind of a spoiler on the ending. (Who saw that coming in a book like this?) I made the mistake of checking in here before I got there, but it was still great! You go, Jack! :cheers:



mattl009
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30 Oct 2009, 8:57 am

oh gosh hope i didnt ruin too much sorry :)



Blindspot149
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31 Oct 2009, 1:46 am

In the section on relationships there is mention of how children of a person with Asperger's Syndrome can often feel that they are just invisible to that parent.

This is something that I identify with very strongly.

I notice that I have a tendency to break eye contact even with my children.

I feel sad that I can't give them naturally, the kind of emotional intimacy that they deserve.

I feel sad that I have to remember to turn my head back to look at my teen age daughter when we are talking.

I feel sad that most of my communication with my children and my wife comprises information exchange.

I am grateful that I can at least see myself for what I really am and that I am better able to see myself as others (especially my family) see me.

Most of all I am just grateful that I have my wife and children. They are real heros.

I know that my emotional intimacy with my family will improve with CBT etc and I HOPE that one day (soon) that some of this at least might become natural for me, if only with my family.


In the words of Morpheus, talking to Neo just after he is rescued from the Matrix;

'They are rebuilding Neo's muscles and Neo's eyes hurt because he has never used them before'

and yes................I 'have been living in a dream world' in an Autistic Matrix


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Woodpeace
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09 Nov 2009, 1:40 pm

I have borrowed the book from my local public library. I have read the first three chapters. So far I have found it really great.

Tony Attwood's wife's sister is an Aspie and he refers to her several times.

One of the publications listed in the References is Asperger, H. (1938) Das psychisch abnorme Kind. Weiner klinische Wochenschrift 49, 1 - 12. (The mentally abnormal child. Viennese Clinical Weekly 49). That was a new publication to me.