How do you know if your standards are too high?

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How do you know if your standards are too high? What is the line between realistic standards and standards that are too low or too high?

Try to see how "common" your standards are?

If you look back on someone who you passed on because they didn't meet your explicit demands (say, if you demand that they must like rock music but none of their favourite musicians on Facebook are rock bands) and think "I can imagine I could have had dated this person with no real issue", i.e. that the attraction was still there and you felt comfortable with them despite your differences, then your standards (i.e. your demands) were too high.

If you just aren't attracted to that many people, there isn't much I have to say about that. You shouldn't "settle" for someone you aren't attracted to, that would be bad for you as well as the other person involved.

How can you tell? By flipping it around. If those same high standards were applied to you by somebody else, would you pass? If not, they are too high.

My standards are extremely high.

Fortunately, they are also quite different than those of most people.
This is quite fortunate as it reduces competition.

I think the advice (given above) of applying the same standards to yourself is a good one.

I do set myself very high academic standards, though I do get upset when I fail to meet them. In my A-Levels so far, that has been quite common.

Knowing whether your standards are too high or not can be found if you get upset at not being able to satisfy them.

Since this is in the Dating area, I'd say one's standards are too high if the number of dates you go on are significantly below the number of dates you would like to go on. Standards are designed to meet specific goals. If you set them high enough, you eliminate everyone. They may seem reasonable, but if your goal is to date and you aren't; well, you have no choice but to examine them and decide where you can compromise.

Your standards are too high if you find yourself continously coveting fantasy sitiations.

For example, I'll bet tons of guys would like to date a super-hot, extraverted party girl. But in reality, I doubt very many men would be able to put up with someone like that for long. Or the women who want the handsome, caring, brave, rugged, sweet, etc... (everything under the sun) man from romance novels. However, someone of that quality (if he were to exist) would probably be off saving the world rather than spending time with her.

People like that spend way too much time in the fantasy world & need to have real experiences. Only then would they be able to see what they're really looking for.

Usually...

if a guy is always failing getting any gf then his traits must be beneath the average standards adopted by most women.

while

if a girl is always failing in getting a bf then her standards must be exceptionally skyrocketed high and so the vast majority of males are not good enough for her.


That's why single men's complaints/whining are usually like this :
-I can't get close to women
-women don't like me
-women always reject me
-women don't give me a chance
- women in my area overlook me
-I don't know how to talk to a woman
-I don't have a job or a car

etc...


while single women's complaints/whinings about dating are usually like this:
-Where are the good men?
-I can't find someone I like =(
-All men are jerks
-All men in my area are uglies or/and losers.
-all men i am dating are being dumbs.


etc...

Two different trends , that's why men's complaints usually reflect their own insecurities more than when women complaint about such matters. Women's complaints usually reflect their concerns of not finding the right man.

This is an interesting subject.

I know that everyone places people on a continuum, with "utterly repulsive" at one end and "drop-dead gorgeous" at the other.

Then they draw a line somewhere in the middle which divides the line into "date-able" and "just friends".

Personally, I think that one should not use their self-identity to define where on the "attractive" line they should date. I've had relationships with much more attractive women than I would have thought possible if I limited myself to what I thought I "deserved".

On the other hand, although you should never date someone in the "just friends" category, you shouldn't limit yourself to the high end of the attractiveness scale because attraction can grow over time. And by attraction, I don't mean "fondness" or "affection", I mean real physical attraction. I know this from personal experience.

That's been my experience anyway, at least there's some benefit to getting old.

When most girls in your country don't make your cut and you start looking for and dating foreign girls almost exclusively.. as in my case..