Can anyone gives examples of Empathy?

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zeldapsychology
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28 Oct 2009, 9:55 pm

The Wiki page mention the ability to put yourself in that persons shoes. but could you give some examples? I feel I'm able to do that I just thank differently take my College suspension I was going to the office daily to question the teacher in Psychology surely I would see this as an issue if I WAS the teacher but IMO NO! My job is to teach Psychology to the best of my ability and if my student asked me a question I didn't know I'd look it up therefore learning more which I'd love (I wouldn't feel bad learning from my students) Also the whole (I have a family card) UH My job as a Psychologist comes FIRST you're going to "grow up" and become a Psychologist and I'm your "parent" so to speak to lead the way for you. (Or that's how I SEE IT if I WAS the Psychology teacher.) So obviously I suck with this "Put yourself in the other person shoes" take. :-)



28 Oct 2009, 10:05 pm

You feeling bad for what you did at school is sure empathy.



RainSong
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28 Oct 2009, 10:11 pm

I'm confused about the story, but I can give some examples of empathy.

If you felt as happy, excited, and nervous as your friend who was getting married and yet you had never married, that would be empathy. If you had gotten married, it would be sympathy.
If you felt as confused, angry, and unhappy as someone who was getting divorced, but you had never gotten divorced, that would be empathy. If you had divorced, you'd be feeling sympathy.
If you felt as devestated someone who had lost a child, but you had never lost a child, that would be empathy. Again, if you had lost a child, that would be sympathy.

I hope that makes sense. Basically, if you feel the same as someone else, but you've never experienced whatever is making the other person feel, you're using empathy. If you feel the same and have had the same thing (or something very similar) happen to you, you're feeling sympathy.

On a fourth reading, I think what you're doing with the teacher is projecting. You're taking the situation and seeing what you would feel. You're not looking at the situation and feeling/thinking the same thing as the professor, so it's not empathy.


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28 Oct 2009, 10:49 pm

RainSong wrote:
I'm confused about the story, but I can give some examples of empathy.

If you felt as happy, excited, and nervous as your friend who was getting married and yet you had never married, that would be empathy. If you had gotten married, it would be sympathy.
If you felt as confused, angry, and unhappy as someone who was getting divorced, but you had never gotten divorced, that would be empathy. If you had divorced, you'd be feeling sympathy.
If you felt as devestated someone who had lost a child, but you had never lost a child, that would be empathy. Again, if you had lost a child, that would be sympathy.

I hope that makes sense. Basically, if you feel the same as someone else, but you've never experienced whatever is making the other person feel, you're using empathy. If you feel the same and have had the same thing (or something very similar) happen to you, you're feeling sympathy.

On a fourth reading, I think what you're doing with the teacher is projecting. You're taking the situation and seeing what you would feel. You're not looking at the situation and feeling/thinking the same thing as the professor, so it's not empathy.



So if I feel sorry for someone who lost their child or husband because I can't imagine that happening to me, would that still be empathy?

If someone lost their baby in their late termester or 2nd and I felt sorry for them because I wouldn't want that to happen to me, would that still be empathy?

If someone had a baby and I wished that were me and thought they are so lucky they had one and I wish that were me, is that empathy?



elderwanda
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28 Oct 2009, 10:51 pm

RainSong wrote:
I'm confused about the story, but I can give some examples of empathy.

If you felt as happy, excited, and nervous as your friend who was getting married and yet you had never married, that would be empathy. If you had gotten married, it would be sympathy.
If you felt as confused, angry, and unhappy as someone who was getting divorced, but you had never gotten divorced, that would be empathy. If you had divorced, you'd be feeling sympathy.
If you felt as devestated someone who had lost a child, but you had never lost a child, that would be empathy. Again, if you had lost a child, that would be sympathy.

I hope that makes sense. Basically, if you feel the same as someone else, but you've never experienced whatever is making the other person feel, you're using empathy. If you feel the same and have had the same thing (or something very similar) happen to you, you're feeling sympathy.

On a fourth reading, I think what you're doing with the teacher is projecting. You're taking the situation and seeing what you would feel. You're not looking at the situation and feeling/thinking the same thing as the professor, so it's not empathy.



Those sound like pretty good examples. Before I heard of AS, I was always under the impression that empathy is unusual, and not what people usually experience. But listening to people talk on WP, it sometimes sounds like it is believed that NTs always feel empathy.

Looking at those three examples, I can't imagine feeling anything very strong in the first two. It doesn't mean I don't care, though. I want the people I care about to be happy and have good lives. But I don't think I would feel those things. Then again, if I were getting married or divorced, I'm not so sure what I'd feel. The last example, since I'm a mom, I feel a surge of sadness whenever anyone mentions losing a child, even if it's in a movie or something. Sophie's Choice (which one of your kids do you want to send to the gas chamber) makes me cry just thinking about it. Maybe that's empathy.



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28 Oct 2009, 10:52 pm

double post



Last edited by elderwanda on 28 Oct 2009, 11:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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28 Oct 2009, 10:57 pm

Ever seen a lot of people at a sporting event, and seen them acting almost like they're one person? That's empathy, of a non-sympathetic nature--they're picking up on what everyone else is thinking, and acting almost as a single unit because they're sharing and copying emotions. You see it at riots, concerts, church services and even parties or meetings. People just start doing the same thing, because they feel the same way. It can be enormously powerful; it can turn people into a society or turn people into a force of destruction. When I'm in a situation like that, I feel frightened--like they'll try to take my identity, almost. I'm just aware enough to see it happening; but almost never aware enough to "catch" it.


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28 Oct 2009, 11:00 pm

I think there has ever been a few times in my life when I had real empathy. When I hear about child abuse on youtube and see videos about it, I cry and when I read memiors about child abuse, I find it depressing and sad. A Child Called It put me to tears and it was scary for what david was in.

One time when my grandmother had a heart attack, I was scared and and fear.

When my parents missed their plane once, I felt frustrated and scared and panicky.


If that is what empathy really is, then I really do lack it then. But it seems like everyone has their own definition of it so I keep thinking I do have it because I care.



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28 Oct 2009, 11:06 pm

Spokane_Girl wrote:

So if I feel sorry for someone who lost their child or husband because I can't imagine that happening to me, would that still be empathy?

If someone lost their baby in their late termester or 2nd and I felt sorry for them because I wouldn't want that to happen to me, would that still be empathy?

If someone had a baby and I wished that were me and thought they are so lucky they had one and I wish that were me, is that empathy?


If I understand correctly, empathy is when you actually have the feelings. For instance, if someone loses their child and you think, "Oh, that's sad" because everyone knows it's sad to lose a kid, that's sympathy. But if you can't sleep at night because you are sobbing in despair over the loss of their child (and the child wasn't someone you knew, so it isn't your loss as well), then that is empathy.

I don't know the answers to your questions, though. They are things I wonder about as well. My friend was having problems with her marriage, and it was hurting her family. I care about my friend very much, as well as their whole family. But, whenever she told me about the problems, I was never able to feel anything. I can imagine what she's going through, and I can imagine how she feels, but I don't actually feel it myself. Unfortunately, that makes it look like I don't care. But I do.



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28 Oct 2009, 11:18 pm

Spokane_Girl wrote:
RainSong wrote:
I'm confused about the story, but I can give some examples of empathy.

If you felt as happy, excited, and nervous as your friend who was getting married and yet you had never married, that would be empathy. If you had gotten married, it would be sympathy.
If you felt as confused, angry, and unhappy as someone who was getting divorced, but you had never gotten divorced, that would be empathy. If you had divorced, you'd be feeling sympathy.
If you felt as devestated someone who had lost a child, but you had never lost a child, that would be empathy. Again, if you had lost a child, that would be sympathy.

I hope that makes sense. Basically, if you feel the same as someone else, but you've never experienced whatever is making the other person feel, you're using empathy. If you feel the same and have had the same thing (or something very similar) happen to you, you're feeling sympathy.

On a fourth reading, I think what you're doing with the teacher is projecting. You're taking the situation and seeing what you would feel. You're not looking at the situation and feeling/thinking the same thing as the professor, so it's not empathy.



So if I feel sorry for someone who lost their child or husband because I can't imagine that happening to me, would that still be empathy?

If someone lost their baby in their late termester or 2nd and I felt sorry for them because I wouldn't want that to happen to me, would that still be empathy?

If someone had a baby and I wished that were me and thought they are so lucky they had one and I wish that were me, is that empathy?


No, that's all sympathy. Elderwanda explained the one example very well.

Not having empathy doesn't mean you don't care. You might not feel as strongly as someone as empathy (and that's probably up for debate), but you can still be sympathetic and feel bad (or good) for them. The examples you listed (the abuse, heart attack, and plane) aren't really empathy either, although the first is closer; I would think that's more just extreme pity, because you're still not feeling as they do. The heart attack is a natural reaction; if you think you might lose a family member, it's natural to feel scared. Same with the last one; just about everyone is going to feel frustrated about a missed plane flight, especially if they're going to pick that person up.


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28 Oct 2009, 11:32 pm

Sympathy is merely the hightened awareness of a persons feelings.

Empathy is where you are not only aware of that person's feelings but can also share or "feel" those feelings.

rainsong wrote:
If you felt as happy, excited, and nervous as your friend who was getting married and yet you had never married, that would be empathy. If you had gotten married, it would be sympathy.
If you felt as confused, angry, and unhappy as someone who was getting divorced, but you had never gotten divorced, that would be empathy. If you had divorced, you'd be feeling sympathy.
If you felt as devestated someone who had lost a child, but you had never lost a child, that would be empathy. Again, if you had lost a child, that would be sympathy.


I actually think all of those could be empathy. You can share similar experiences and still share similar feelings....thus having empathy. That is, if I'm reading your examples correctly.



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28 Oct 2009, 11:50 pm

M_p_furo wrote:
Rainsong wrote:
If you felt as happy, excited, and nervous as your friend who was getting married and yet you had never married, that would be empathy. If you had gotten married, it would be sympathy.
If you felt as confused, angry, and unhappy as someone who was getting divorced, but you had never gotten divorced, that would be empathy. If you had divorced, you'd be feeling sympathy.
If you felt as devestated someone who had lost a child, but you had never lost a child, that would be empathy. Again, if you had lost a child, that would be sympathy.


I actually think all of those could be empathy. You can share similar experiences and still share similar feelings....thus having empathy. That is, if I'm reading your examples correctly.


If you share a similar experience (assuming it's similar enough), it's sympathy, because you've been in the same (or close enough) position. You've felt it before, because you've had the same thing happen to you.


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shadfly
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29 Oct 2009, 12:04 am

an analogy between senses and empathy:

a blind person can find out all the descriptions of color there are (i.e. sympathize) but cannot
see (empathize)

a deaf person can read a musical score (sympathize) but cannot
hear music (empathize)

a virgin can only imagine
making love



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29 Oct 2009, 12:46 am

RainSong wrote:
M_p_furo wrote:
Rainsong wrote:
If you felt as happy, excited, and nervous as your friend who was getting married and yet you had never married, that would be empathy. If you had gotten married, it would be sympathy.
If you felt as confused, angry, and unhappy as someone who was getting divorced, but you had never gotten divorced, that would be empathy. If you had divorced, you'd be feeling sympathy.
If you felt as devestated someone who had lost a child, but you had never lost a child, that would be empathy. Again, if you had lost a child, that would be sympathy.


I actually think all of those could be empathy. You can share similar experiences and still share similar feelings....thus having empathy. That is, if I'm reading your examples correctly.


If you share a similar experience (assuming it's similar enough), it's sympathy, because you've been in the same (or close enough) position. You've felt it before, because you've had the same thing happen to you.


I'm not much of a fan for debating, so I probably wont say anything more after this.

But I have an excerpt from a book entitled, Empathy and its development--Nancy Eisnbery, Janet Strayer pg 6

Regarding a statement by Karniol (1982) on the Information-processing model of empathy:

"We are suggesting, then, that need awareness is reached through the accessing of stored situational information which provides an interpretational context for the sequence of action and goals in the situation. Thus, need awareness is not dependent on imaginative attempts to understand what the other is thinking, feeling, or experiencing."

It goes on to say:

"It is likely that people often empathize not because they have put themselves cognitively in another person's place, but because they have retrieved relevant information from their memories that has enabled them to understand another person's situation or feelings."

I'm pretty leery about even going into this much detail b/c this isn't what the OP asked for and it will probably just muck everything up. Also, the concept of empathy is actually highly debated and has quite a few definitions.



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29 Oct 2009, 3:40 am

shadfly wrote:
an analogy between senses and empathy:
a virgin can only imagine
making love


And you imply that anyone lacking true empathy will never experience that bonding even if they do participate in sex.

I hate to throw that bit of grimness out there, but its something that in retrospect was a key element to my diagnosis.
I told the psychologist that I was only interested in sex with another when the experience was novel.

Obviously I was missing a whole realm of the experience, though he never said so.

That might just be me, however. Anyone else have the guts to fess up?


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zeldapsychology
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29 Oct 2009, 7:30 am

I definently lack empathy then since with alot of those examples I really don't feel anything much. :-) Oh well thanks for the examples. :-)