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Janissy
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03 Nov 2009, 12:01 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:
[People can lie offline too, you know. The fact that one is in someone's presence doesn't magically make one know anything more about them.


I disagree. When you are insomeone's presence you do know more about them. Nothing magic about it. You can see what they look like, which automatically negates about a thousand lies that are possible online.



Keeno
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03 Nov 2009, 7:20 pm

SINsister wrote:
Keeno wrote:
E-crushes and e-love are the preserve of the most conservative people.


How do you figure?


I figure it from the past experience - and it was extensive experience - of e-friendships and e-relationships I've had. I had quite a number of e-relationships, until I realised it was pointless. But those I was able to strike up relationships with were usually conservative. Conservative, indeed, by American standards. They were from places that are traditionally 'red' places. They were also very often from very rural areas where things are particularly conservative. Liberals, or those from liberal or large urban areas - forget it.

See this thread I posted last year for more details: Online friendship/social conservatism

My guess is that, for the more conservative people, the culture they live in to some extent suppresses romantic, indeed sexual expression, which is then articulated more easily online. I used to chat on Yahoo Chat a lot where there were more pronounced examples of this sort of thing in that the chats were really overrun from the Middle East and South Asia looking for e-relationships and e-sex. These are very conservative countries (in a different way from America to be sure) where relationship and sexual freedom is very restricted and they find that expression online.

But that's just my experience. Maybe others have similar or different experiences. And perhaps other people are more of a cultural expert than me and could suggest other reasons why it's easier for one to find e-relationships among those from conservative cultures?



mitharatowen
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03 Nov 2009, 7:51 pm

There is no such thing as hopeless. If two people are both comitted, they can certainly find a way to be together even if they are from different continents. My mother recently moved to England to be with her boyfriend and I am planning on immigrating to Canada to be with mine as well.

In these days of quick travel and quicker communication, theres little reason to consider a long distance romance to be hopeless.



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03 Nov 2009, 8:21 pm

^^ I couldn't have said it better myself.


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Who_Am_I
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03 Nov 2009, 8:57 pm

Janissy wrote:
Who_Am_I wrote:
[People can lie offline too, you know. The fact that one is in someone's presence doesn't magically make one know anything more about them.


I disagree. When you are insomeone's presence you do know more about them. Nothing magic about it. You can see what they look like, which automatically negates about a thousand lies that are possible online.


What do someone's looks say about their character?


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mitharatowen
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05 Nov 2009, 6:14 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:
Janissy wrote:
Who_Am_I wrote:
[People can lie offline too, you know. The fact that one is in someone's presence doesn't magically make one know anything more about them.


I disagree. When you are insomeone's presence you do know more about them. Nothing magic about it. You can see what they look like, which automatically negates about a thousand lies that are possible online.


What do someone's looks say about their character?

I think Janissy means that when you meet soemone in person you know that they're really a girl and not some old fat guy who's just messing with you. For example.

Which is true. But other than that there is no benefit to getting to know someone IRL rather than on the internet. And there are ways to get around the first one. Webcams, for example.



hale_bopp
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05 Nov 2009, 11:23 pm

LePetitPrince wrote:
To people who had/have e-crush over someone they only knew/know online, why do you even do it?


Cause I was 16 and it was all I had. I had no life.



PLA
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06 Nov 2009, 4:47 pm

mitharatowen wrote:
Who_Am_I wrote:
Janissy wrote:
Who_Am_I wrote:
[People can lie offline too, you know. The fact that one is in someone's presence doesn't magically make one know anything more about them.


I disagree. When you are insomeone's presence you do know more about them. Nothing magic about it. You can see what they look like, which automatically negates about a thousand lies that are possible online.


What do someone's looks say about their character?

I think Janissy means that when you meet soemone in person you know that they're really a girl and not some old fat guy who's just messing with you. For example.

Which is true. But other than that there is no benefit to getting to know someone IRL rather than on the internet. And there are ways to get around the first one. Webcams, for example.


I'd say there's still a possible benefit in smell. Someone's smell can be a very attractive trait, and could augment bonding. But since it ought to be easier to keep a level head without that trait interfering, it's not necessarily a benefit.


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Ahaseurus2000
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16 Nov 2009, 1:45 am

I have an E-crush. I saw her in a photo and it started from there. It's an "Eros" (Passionate, Romantic, falling-in-love) and "Agape" (Compassionate, Care for you) kind of crush.



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16 Nov 2009, 3:11 am

Well, for a weirdo like myself, who had almost zero probability of going out and finding a gf IRL, I'm greatful for e-crush/e-love. Without it, I may have been single forever.


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inthehills
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16 Nov 2009, 5:14 am

LePetitPrince wrote:
^^ why they do it when they know it's a hopeless case, like "falling for" someone living on the other side of the globe? Why they do it?


It's not hopeless... there's such a thing as an aeroplane. For instance, my bf who lives in England is going to come and visit me in February.



jackdumpster
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17 Nov 2009, 2:26 pm

Internet relationships, E-Love, same thing I assume? are mostly a made up fantasy. You are infatuated with the idea of them. But truly in love.......not in a million years. I would advise against internet relationships in every way possible. 90% of the time they don't work out. I've tried it several times before and it ended horribly. I am still emotionally damaged over the whole thing and it will take time before I am stable again. Of course I am still young, but it can end up the same no matter the age. You can never truly love somebody that you haven't met in person before or in the flesh and in real life they are totally different then how you built them up to be in your mind. You have no idea what their personal life is like in the real world, except for what they tell you and all you can do is hang on to what they tell you, like they could be in a relationship with someone else close by and you will never know about it. You can chat on the computer and talk on the phone, but there are still many things about them you can't find out about being far apart. Such as body language and their overall lifestyle, who they associate with, what they do. Without being face to face you can lie out your ass to someone through chat because you are faceless. Especially seperate country ones. Immigration laws and the distance alone are more then enough to make these relationships crumble. Remember you have to be together in real life permanently. Side by side, in person, in the same room, together, within grasp, and able to put your arms around them and hug them and feel their skin on yours. Not thousands of miles away. Not chatting on the computer every day. It's just not the same. When you meet in person, you can see the real them. All of their sides, all of their personalities/personality, and not just the side they made you build up in your mind over the web. It will be totally akward if you ever do. Sure, you could get along great in person, but you will feel like an idiot for telling a stranger over the net that you loved them for so so long and then ending up dissapointed. After a few days of spending time together, you say......"Look, [insert name here], you're a cool person and everything, but I just don't feel the same as I did online with you. I see you more as a friend. I'm sorry." One of you gets really upset about it and it turns into a huge argument and the whole trip was just a waste of time. You gained nothing but dissapointment from it. Even if it does work and the distance goes away, don't think you are off the hook. Eventually the possibility will rise of both of you getting sick of each other or something happening (cheating, abuse, emerging secrets, pretty much anything that can happen in a regular situation) thus ending it and breaking up for good. Honestly, from the bottom of my heart, I could see an internet relationship miraculously working out for the long term (a long distance one where they never met in person when it started), but in the rare case one could, it would be with 2 grown adults who are in their 30's-40's, have stable jobs and money, and know what they want and know how to handle things and have no problem moving and starting a new life with their LD partner. But young people with no job, no money, without parental permission, far away, different countries, slim chance of it working.

I still talk with the girl I was in one with and we still argue and fight like 2 vicious wolves and we agreed that if we were to have any kind of relationship it would have to be in person and not on the computer. (She is taken now though, from screwing me in the process, grr), but I am still deciding if I should or not because I want to see how we get along and then decide if it should go further.

Anyways, you really have to think about the reality rather then the fantasy.



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17 Nov 2009, 4:04 pm

I've seen it work personally, with 2 of my few friends. They met online, and though they were both in Canada, they were on West/East coast. They moved in together and have been, to quote the woman, delirously happy since. That was 3 years ago and they both say the same thing. Something else to consider is that the woman also had had kids before the meeting. The man is now a stepdad and it's quite funny to hear the kids over vent in his background noise asking for something from him with the same tone they would for a dad.

I'm quite often very jealous of the two of them because of their luck in finding one another and having it work so well. Unfortunately or not, depending on how you look at it, I've had a few friends online that could've developed into relationships that did not because of the fact that I think too rationally. They could've easily developed into FWB relationships and worked very well, but sadly, distance is a killer. It's frustrating as all hell to find people that have those rare similar principles and outlooks and then they live in Canada and I'm stuck in Florida.

Finding someone I can truly connect to for love, I'm not sure I could do that any more effectively offline than I could on.


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jackdumpster
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17 Nov 2009, 9:13 pm

Vyn wrote:
I've seen it work personally, with 2 of my few friends. They met online, and though they were both in Canada, they were on West/East coast. They moved in together and have been, to quote the woman, delirously happy since. That was 3 years ago and they both say the same thing. Something else to consider is that the woman also had had kids before the meeting. The man is now a stepdad and it's quite funny to hear the kids over vent in his background noise asking for something from him with the same tone they would for a dad.

I'm quite often very jealous of the two of them because of their luck in finding one another and having it work so well. Unfortunately or not, depending on how you look at it, I've had a few friends online that could've developed into relationships that did not because of the fact that I think too rationally. They could've easily developed into FWB relationships and worked very well, but sadly, distance is a killer. It's frustrating as all hell to find people that have those rare similar principles and outlooks and then they live in Canada and I'm stuck in Florida.

Finding someone I can truly connect to for love, I'm not sure I could do that any more effectively offline than I could on.


yeah man, i know what you mean....the girl i met was in canada too......sucks so bad when they are just to far...you find that perfect person with just the right potential

i'm all the way up here in massachusetts just 2/3 more states before canada



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17 Nov 2009, 10:44 pm

jackdumpster wrote:
yeah man, i know what you mean....the girl i met was in canada too......sucks so bad when they are just to far...you find that perfect person with just the right potential

i'm all the way up here in massachusetts just 2/3 more states before canada


A friend I met on here from Toronto expressed a thought on this which was kind of interesting. She indicated that from her experience Canadian women are similarly situated to American guys and that American women are situated similarly to Canadian guys, meaning in her opinion that Canadian guys hold the pendulum higher as American women do whereas the other sex in each situation is a lot more humble and well-adjusted. I don't think its like that in all cases or every region, though with her experience between Toronto and say NYC or the northeast US, it does make sense regionally speaking.