social skills for us is like learning a second language?

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I'm sure this has probably been said before but it just occured to me. Learning social skills for us, is very similar to learning a second language when you're older. It is a proven fact that your first language is learned using different parts of the brain than a second language, learned later in life. (this doesn't apply to babies who are taught two languages from birth) So for the second language, there is never quite a level of comfort that you would have with your first language. People who speak their second language on a daily basis are obviously more comfortable.

The similarities are easy to see. We learn social skills in a different part of our brain than NTs. I think this is a result of not having the natural intuition, so we have to learn them intelectually, later in life. This can result in us not being as "fluent" in socializing as NTs and not being as comfortable since it isn't our first "language". The people who make an effort to socialize everyday, become more comfortable and fluent. However no matter how comfortable we become, it's still our second "language" and we have to process the information differently than someone born with the intuition.

I'm sure a lot of you have probably thought of this similarity before but it's new to me so humor me and tell me what you think, please.

I like the analogy. It's new to me, but I'm pretty new to the autistic community. Reminds me of something Temple Grandin said, about language being her second language.

I have never seen it as this way. I saw it as us learning patterns and learning what each body movement means.

No, it's like failing at learning a first language, so thinking of learning a second is beyond futile.

It's a fake it till you make it thing.

Yeah, I like that analogy!

Wow, that's EXACTLY how I experience it. I usually have to put up an act when I meet new people, mostly just subtly copying their mannerisms and blending into their behaviour. At first I have to make an effort, but after a while it just goes automatically... like putting on a mask.

It feels disturbing, to say the least.

Have always felt it's like learning an entirely new language... there is just way too much stuff involved, too many new things to pay attention to... and I'm just not set up to do it properly, so in order to learn it, I feel I would need to wipe the slate clean, so to say-erase what I know now. I cannot learn the new language... maybe because I don't understand its purpose to the full extent... or maybe there is just too much to learn so I just don't bother.

Yes

I agree. I find it ironic that many aspies are unusually good at learning languages.

One problem I have when talking to strangers is the many unknown variables. Ideally I would know about the size of their vocabulary, how intelligent they are, prejudices they have, etc. That way I would know how best to communicate effectively. I have gotten better over the years at guessing some of these things fairly quickly during the conversation.

I think learning sign language may be an even better fit for the analogy.

I agree communicating at some NT level is like a second language. I call it the NT shorthand because they seem to be able to communicate with more than just this verbal thing and I don't get what it all means and I used to try to fake it but now I understand I can't because how do you fake something when you can't see or understand the communication taking place.

Like just the casual hi-how-are-you is far enough. But there seems to be some kind of extra heightened level to gossip and any other kind of talk and I've never understood the trick to getting in on those type conversations. I don't fit in and I 've never been able to learn to fake it. When I was younger it was like a dream to me that I thought I could learn that, I thought I could figure it out. Boy, was I wrong.

As far as languages from other countries is concerned, I can memorize verbs and nouns and appropriate grammar rules and did really well in Latin because it was not spoken as a part of the test. But when I tried to learn languages where I had to learn to listen to understand the speaker, I was lost. All the stuff I'd memorized off the page I could not understand when it was actually being spoken by someone. Really heartbreaking for me, to try hard at something and then find that it's just something I'm not going to be able to interpret, when someone is talking.