Gender and withholding sex in a relationship

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Female = Withholds sex, is considered to be either a legitimate "punishment" of male partner/sex buddy for problems in relationship (which are always seen as the man's fault in a heterosexual couple), or is clearly just not in the mood.

Male = withholds sex, is considered abusive and/or suspected to be either closet gay or cheating, because stereotypes insist that he is never actually "not in the mood." This assumption is false.

Anyone want to debate this?

I guess it really depends.
Kinda confusing the way the scenarios are written out...

I dated a guy who witheld sex...and would grudgingly "put out"..perhaps every 10 days or so....but was also quite the fan of internet porn...(and this was from an early point in the relationship)
His deal was partially that he had been single for so much of his life, that he was not very used to sex with an actual partner...also, i guess he was often "not in the mood".... Long after we broke up, he said it was also because he did not find me physically attractive..He was kinda abusive...but that was not necc. directly tied to the "reluctance"...He was pretty much an NT (I guess)..but he had sensory issues....I always gave him the "heebee jeebees"


If I withold sex....I am not trying to punish anyone...outwardly...even if there have been problems in the relationship....genuinely I am not in the mood...I also have sensory issues when the chemistry isn't right....My body will seemingly rebel from certain advances if the feeling isn't right.

I never withheld sex. I love it, and when in a relationship am all over them. I would be punishing myself first if I withheld sex.

LoL i'm the same way!

Given that this was posted by a 19-year-old male in the women's forum, it sounds like flamebait to me, and it's not even original flamebait.

I got to agree.

Not really. It was just a legitimate argument that I wanted some feedback on, nothing more.

I am gullible sometimes...

I think it's just not true, though. I mean, there's this stereotype of women withholding sex as punishment, but as far as I know, the reason why someone wouldn't want to have sex while they're fighting is because then they can't be emotionally close and stuff. Hence the whole "make-up sex" thing.
Of course, according to Jewish law, sex is the woman's right: http://www.jewfaq.org/sex.htm

The women's forum is for the benefit of the women here, not for yours. You chose the wrong venue if your intention was anything other than flame-bait.

Yupa has been flame baiting in the Woman's Discussion for years, HH, years. It would be shocking if Yupa stopped flame baiting. Other members have just gotten used to it.

If you have a problem with other members, HH, use the "Contact Us" at the top of each page or contact a moderator.

Merle
Moderator

Last edited by sinsboldly on 19 Nov 2009, 9:18 am, edited 1 time in total.

Debating works two ways. You have one position then you have teams that argue for and against. There need to be a position you can argue for and against exclusively. This is how the debating competitions work.

Debate in general you discuss an issue. You can't start with two weighted non-questions because there is nothing to debate.

Anyway with regard to misconception about the internet and what women's discussion means. Women's discussion means discussion about women's issues. Women's discussion is not restricted to females. I know this comes as a surprise to some, however declaring your sex on the internet is essentially meaningless so it would be impossible to do that. You could have a private members network where sex is verified in person.

Really? Do you have any examples besides this?

Yupa has been on wrong planet for a long time, he even had moderator status although not active. He does from time to time make sociopathic type posts, but this is the fist time he has make a distinction between male a female as far as I’m aware. I mean sociopathic in the broader sense of the word, I would consider him quite benign overall. It fluctuates; otherwise he is capable of empathy. He does describe quite a traumatic upbringing. Sometimes he sides with the weak, but other times paradoxically he implies he wants to annihilate them.

the only time I've ever withheld sex, it was when I was angry with my partner; however, "punishing" him had nothing to do with it. For me, sex has to involve trust and love, and there was no way I could have performed when I was in that state of mind. Anger just isn't sexy. If I could have, I would have, for the benefit of the relationship - but in that state, I couldn't.

You are 19. Why are you trying to have a debate about this? If anybody "withholds" sex in your age group it's probably because they aren't ready for it yet.