Get overstimulated by people in your space

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Yeah, well it was my attempt at humor so I wouldn't have to say "Your too CLOSE man!! !!" I think 18 inches was a societal rule that I had heard so I used it to back me up.

Here's what Wikipedia says:

'Intimate distance: extends roughly 18 inches (46 cm) from the individual and is reserved for family, pets and very close friends. Displays of affection and comforting are commonly conducted within this space. The only strangers an individual typically accepts within his or her intimate space are health care professionals.
Personal distance: extends 1.5 to 4 feet (0.46–1.2 m) is reserved for friends and acquaintances. A handshake will typically place strangers at least 2 to 4 feet (0.61–1.2 m) apart, preserving the personal distance.
Social distance: extends from about 4 to 12 feet (1.2–3.7 m) and is used for formal, business and other impersonal interactions such as meeting a client.
Public Space: extends more than 12 feet (3.7 m) and is not guarded. Secret Service agents will commonly attempt to ensure 12 feet (3.7 m) of open space around dignitaries and high ranking officials.'

I have had this same thing happen to me. My mom used to have a cleaning lady, and, although she was very nice, I really did not like the one day a week she stayed and cleaned the house all day. My mom was gone the whole time and I was used to having all this time on my own, have had it since I was a wee kid, and suddenly, my mother decided she wanted a woman to come in and clean for her. It wasn't just any cleaning lady, either, it was someone who worked for someone she knew at work and I am not comfortable with that level of familiarity, when someone who knows someone who knows someone else comes into your life and blah blah blahs about your entire existence and bad moods to everyone under the sun. I would rather it just be someone that doesn't know me or my mom or anyone she works with coming in and doing the work, or better yet, do the work myself.
I was not happy with the idea. I guess it has something to do with being overstimulated and feeling like I have no control over my life when someone else decides everything.
My mom's family is like that, and it goes back generations. None of them want to clean anything and they always look for others to clean up their messes. There are some things I hate doing, like finding repairmen, but cleaning is something I just do and have no problem doing. I am not obsessive about it, but, I have no problem cleaning when necessary so things aren't totally filthy.
The unwillingness to clean one's own messes is a mindset I have problems understanding because it seems like the easiest thing to do while everything else is so difficult. Things they have no problems with are things I consider to be extremely taxing, like careers, and things I consider to be so easy, like cleaning a kitchen, are things they cannot do well.
So, that's one thing. The other thing is just having the person in my space once a week, especially since she knew my mom and everyone she worked with and I thought she would gossip endlessly about me to them which is a stress I didn't feel I needed.

Yikes! It would be ten times worse if I knew the person coming into my house. Luckily our cleaning ladies don't speak English and don't ever make the effort to start a conversation. Being familiar with the person would be horrible.

I'm a total slob, but I like it that way. I feel bad when others have to clean my mess. It's not theirs it's mine, they shouldn't have to clean up after me. I also don't understand why people would want a complete stranger in their house touching their things. I can't stand when they rearrange my stuff.

That would drive me bonkers. I couldn't even stand it when my mum would clean my room when i was in elementary school. I would come home and find it rearranged and things (way way before being diagnosed), and meltdown mode would take over. She thought I was just acting out. I understand your thinking though.

You are the only one I have ever talked to who really understands this and feels the same way
Thanks for responding.
Everyone I know blames me and can't understand why it would bother me and most would say it's great to have someone clean the house.
I am a bit of a slob too, and I do clean up after myself, just not very obsessively, like some people. Most people would call my house um, well, a bit on the shabby side, not completely horrid, maybe a C + .
Maybe another reason I was irritable about it is I felt like I should be cleaning more, and when the woman came into clean, it reminded me of what I should be doing in the first place, and wasn't.
I tend to do a few things and not do others. One thing I do not do enough of: mop the floor. For some reason, I just don't like doing it. I will sweep the floor and everything, just skip mopping. I used to let dusting go, too, but I just got a television set and a lightweight stand for it (I am going with lightweight furniture that's easy to carry and move) and I had to remove the old television and the two coffee tables it was on. I was shocked at how much dust was on and around them. I'm allergic to dust, too. It makes my skin really dry and it's like I got this layer of dry, tight skin on my face if I dust away too much dust.
Ever since I put the new television stand together, I have been dusting it every single day.

I get the heebie geebies (technical term that... ) when I'm having a bad day and someone invades my space. I can tolerate one or two people for a while on a good day but crowds are always a struggle no matter what but I've sort of learned to tolerate them. On a bad day, I can't stand to be near people though. It's like having white hot needles in my brain.

When I'm in my room, drawing or reading and my mom knocks on the door, I get irritated. Or if I am at the computer, minding my own business, and this man (He's my moms boyfriend. Been livin' with us for 11 years) walks up behind me and says "Hey dude. Whacha doin' ?" A small part of me wants to tell him what I'm doing(just out of courtesy). But the HUGE part of me wants to say "GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE!! " But I don't want to be rude. The only one whom I don't mind getting in my space...is my dog.

Yeegads...yes! I mean...I don't mind when bands stay over...I am more worried about invading their space..but on many different levels I don't like having my space invaded...

I totally understand about the cleaning person...

I have a cleaning girl who comes in a few days a week. She is one of Flakey's young female friends..she also used to live that the old SHFL during the 6 months when I ran away...

The thing is, I was never formally introduced to her, and because of that, I am completely unable to talk to her...

She is this cool-looking punk-rock-girl, She is around here all the time, but we have never exchanged a single sentence of casual discourse....and also, she is naturally extremely soft-spoken...She very seldom speaks and when she does, what few words she says seem unintelligible...This is fine, because i hate most small talk and whatnot...but in other ways, it is disconcerting....she talks to other people, and the conversations practically sound like they are in another language...she is close friends with some of the people who hang around here...and talking happens....but it is completely incomprehensible to me...

So it is all very mysterious....I other than what can be gathered my her traditional punk rock aesthetic, i know nothing about her...and I can't help but wonder what she must think of me.
All Flakey says is that she is a punk rocker..she doesn't care...but I think punk rockers do care...for one...if they didn't they would not have such a rigid clothing aesthetic...

But she is better than the last cleaning girl...who was really the girlfriend of the guy we hired to do odd jobs who would give him rides to our place and then hang around with her little girl..and sometimes do some cleaning

That woman drove me into a state of panic by REFUSING to acknowledge that I was uncomfortable with small talk, and by constantly trying to chatter at me....she was AWFUL....I had more than one meltdown because of her..and she would always take my negative reactions really personally....it was very irritating...

Another time there was an older Aspie woman..who used to help us, who was of the chatty touchy starey variety...and she caused me a great deal of stress too....



Whenever there is someone new hanging around who I am not used to, it always sets me off my pins.....unfortunately....and then I end up making them feel uncomfortable in turn...and boy oh boy, do I hate having people mess with my stuff...no matter how messy it might be....



I also dislike casual acquaintances who automatically assume that it is ok to touch me....
...and who refuse to understand, no matter how hard I try to tell them...

I also kinda have shut down in many situations where i have had to work in groups...all that input makes it really difficult to think clearly...and I drop out...because I have no control...

Last edited by poopylungstuffing on 18 Dec 2009, 2:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Oh yeah.....

I relate to this that you say here completely....

this coming from me..a person who switches into panic mode every time someone says my name.....

Yes I do not like people taking over my space when I don't want it, or when they stand there ust looking at my direction. I want to shout "WTF ARE YOU LOOKING AT AND GO AWAY!!"
Or when I'm sitting on a table on my own in the college canteen then this big group just decide to sit all around me on the tiny table.

I developed a stammer and a facial twitch recently (though I don't really know why), and when somebody (especially somebody I'm not comfortable with) is sitting too close to me or standing over me and asking me questions that I think are too personal and don't want to answer, they both go into overdrive and I get my knickers in a twist, so to speak. I will tolerate people touching me, even though I don't like it and usually tense up. The same goes for crowds, and when I go to a shopping centre I would rather take the stairs than go on the lift.

Yes.

Definition of space varies - can range from seat beside to entire dwelling.
Lately, meaning better than last 15 months, it's been running as large as entire living space.
Don't, can't, even live with my wife currently on account of this.

Also, she will tell you that when I'm driving, people "in my space" count as anyone who is within sight.
No, that's not a joke: I sometimes become so anxious, my socks; seat of my pants; and winter gloves; pretty quickly wind up soaked with sweat.

And that's guaranteed to happen instantly if not sooner in rush hour traffic.

Shopping in much people creates overstimulation and anxiety too.

Oh I'm a total slob. I have rabbits living with me who eat everything that touches the ground and don't have any storage space, so there's usually piles of stuff all over my desk and drawers. It's like a war zone in there.

But yeah, I find myself getting so worried about the state of my room the night before the cleaning ladies come. I find myself shoving things into my closet to make my room appear cleaner, which in the long run is just creating more of a mess for me. It gets annoying when I can't do simple things like make breakfast for myself, because they always swoop in when I'm cleaning the dishes and do it for me. I mean, I know it's their job and everything but...it makes me so uncomfortable!

That is so funny, you won't believe what I used to do. The night before the cleaning lady came, I would clean the house up, or as much up as I could.
If I recall, she came only once a month, not once a week. The house wouldn't have gotten too dirty in a weeks time, so, it might have been once a month. I would complain at having to clean it, too. I think I was overstimulated or just agitated at having this cleaning happen on a schedule and feeling like I had to get it done by a certain time each month. My mom would ask, "why are you cleaning when she's going to clean tomorrow anyway? Why clean?" I would tell her it was because I was embarrassed that the house was that bad and the cleaning lady would see it.

Not people but sounds! Cars, lights, non human sound they drive me crazy I hate them I have Autism, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome age 41 high functinging

yessssssssss.

I get that way when there is too much stuff in my space, as well. I am practically furniture phobic because it has such 'big' energy. I hate clutter with a passion. Being in my parents house is exhausting for me, they have pictures over every inch of their walls, curtains *and* blinds, throw rugs on top of rugs on top of carpets, shelves climbing all over the walls, every horizontal surface is spilling over with things upon things upon things. And a whole entire attic full of more things... etc, etc, etc. Everything hiding everthing, intentional obfuscation of god knows what.

And human beings? Forget it. I am sooooooooo sensitive to energy it is not even funny. It's weird that watching shows about the paranormal, which is my latest obsession, has helped me understand my sensitivity to the energy of living people and matter. And the meters they use to measure electromagnetic fields, when I saw that it was like a light went on for me. Sometimes it's the fuse box making people feel weird , sometimes it's an entity. And sometimes it's an obnoxious NT up in your grill...lol, it's all about energy.