Get overstimulated by people in your space

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leschevalsroses
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17 Dec 2009, 2:13 pm

Does anyone get very anxious and overstimulated when there are people in your space? I live with my parents who have a housekeeper and cleaning ladies that come every other day. I like to spend my mornings at the kitchen table doing homework or browsing the internet, and every time they come into the room I get very flustered and irritable.

The housekeeper is a really nice lady, and she doesn't say anything to me when she comes in, but it's just her being in the room that gets me all worked up. Just a few minutes ago she came in to make lunch and was standing about ten feet away from me quietly reading a magazine or something but the way I was feeling made it seem like she was hovering over me staring at what I was doing. My mind gets all cloudy and I feel trapped in the room. Just the presence of people around me gets me so overwhelmed.



FaithHopeCheese
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17 Dec 2009, 2:18 pm

Yes. My boss comes in and stands behind my desk or will be sitting in front of it looking at a file and it makes me crazy. I find myself just looking at him like "YES?" but I've always been like that.

I used to tell this guy at my old job '18 inches, I need you to give me 18 inches of personal space'..... He probably thought I was a nut, but he would get way too close.



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17 Dec 2009, 3:14 pm

I had to talk to a colleague about space issues. She would walk into my work area, whereas other people would wait by the door. She is becoming better, but there are still issues around encroaching. Fortunately, she is respectful and aware, and when she does encroach, she apologizes for the oversight.

The "Autist in Residence" sign in my cubicle is a helpful reminder to some, though!

J


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17 Dec 2009, 3:20 pm

Yup.. having people around tends to just make me nervous.. All this what-do-I-do and are-they-judging-me and what-do-they-see-looking-at-me and stuff..



robinhood
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17 Dec 2009, 3:40 pm

Yeah, it feels like static electricity whenever other people are near me.



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17 Dec 2009, 3:44 pm

I think (for me anyway) the trouble is that even if they're not talking to you and they are a nice person, there is still some chance you'll have to interact, even just to answer some trivial question. That means breaking attention from whatever you're doing and then cranking up all the human-interaction routines and scripts; and since people don't like to wait, that stuff has to be held in stand-by mode while they're around. If it were possible to completely ignore someone in that kind of situation, and have it not lead to trouble later it would be less stressing. (I mean like if people could accept that there are "non-communication times/zones," and to ask later if they need to ask something (and not take it as an insult).)

Also you can't be stimming too much or spacing out on the ceiling or anything else odd while they're there. Straight-jacket mode becomes necessary.



sartresue
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17 Dec 2009, 3:48 pm

The space between us topic

AND time. I need the whole 4 dimensions: three of space, and one of time. I will tolerate necessary crowds in public for a very brief period, but must escape if it is too much, as it becomes irritating.

At work, I must have the whole shebang as described above.


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millie
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17 Dec 2009, 4:07 pm

Quote:
robinhood wrote:
Yeah, it feels like static electricity whenever other people are near me.


that is a BRILLIANT simile, that describes how it is for me, also.
A year ago, i posted about the "white shards of mirror light" in my brain when I have to converse and get overloaded, or when i am around people too much. i said to my ASD psych it is like an electric short-circuiting - as if there is so much electrical energy i cannot filter out.



jawbrodt
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17 Dec 2009, 5:54 pm

Ahhh yes, me too, and the closer they are, the worse it is. Anything, like standing in line at the grocery store, or public transportation(which i refuse to do anymore), drives me crazy. I do get days where it isn't too bad, but even then, I wouldn't say that I'm 'comfortable', just less 'uncomfortable'. When people come to my house, it's a little easier, because i have some degree of control over the environment. I'm able to get up and walk out of the room of I feel it's necessary, which helps. But, any situation where i feel 'trapped' and can't easily walk away, is very anxiety provoking.


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17 Dec 2009, 6:04 pm

Ten feet away is invading your personal space? Geez.

I don't like it when I have my own personal space and then someone invades it by standing too close to me and they are right next to me. That's why I don't like getting affection. That's why I always push people off when they hug me without asking.

But however I have no problems with it out in public because it's expected. I have no personal space. It's at home that it becomes an issue. I feel overwhelmed and feel like screaming because I feel my personal space is being invaded. I also don't like it when people get near me when I am on the computer and that is anywhere.

I also don't like it when I am on the bus or train and then someone sits right next to me when there are empty seats. That's why I don't sit next to anyone when there are empty seats. I assume they wouldn't like it either. But usually no one does that to me unless the bus or train is crowded and I am expecting it then so I'm okay. I have moved to other seats before in the past because my personal space was being invaded. geez, whatever happened to the rule about standing an arm length away? Does that not apply to sitting? I'm talking about when the bus or train wasn't packed and there were lot of empty seats.



17 Dec 2009, 6:50 pm

I have this issue when I'm talking to people about something. For example, If I'm eating out with my family and I'm talking to them about something, if the server comes to the table I will pause until they leave. Or If I'm talking to someone I know, I don't like having someone I don't know close by that they are able to hear me talking to that person.



AceOfSpades
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17 Dec 2009, 6:50 pm

FaithHopeCheese wrote:
Yes. My boss comes in and stands behind my desk or will be sitting in front of it looking at a file and it makes me crazy. I find myself just looking at him like "YES?" but I've always been like that.

I used to tell this guy at my old job '18 inches, I need you to give me 18 inches of personal space'..... He probably thought I was a nut, but he would get way too close.
He probably thought you were a nut because of the way you said it. Saying stay 18 inches away from me sounds like you're enforcing a restraining order.

You should've just simply asked him to give you a little more space.



Christophe
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17 Dec 2009, 6:50 pm

"Yup.. having people around tends to just make me nervous.. All this what-do-I-do and are-they-judging-me and what-do-they-see-looking-at-me and stuff.."

I fully agree with the above statement. That is how I feel all the time. Being in the army and crammed into tents where we have to share a lot of our space while deployed is driving me insane!! It makes me feel trapped, I get jumpy, and easily irritated. It just doesn't feel right for some reason.



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17 Dec 2009, 7:18 pm

Apple_in_my_Eye wrote:
I think (for me anyway) the trouble is that even if they're not talking to you and they are a nice person, there is still some chance you'll have to interact, even just to answer some trivial question. That means breaking attention from whatever you're doing and then cranking up all the human-interaction routines and scripts; and since people don't like to wait, that stuff has to be held in stand-by mode while they're around. If it were possible to completely ignore someone in that kind of situation, and have it not lead to trouble later it would be less stressing. (I mean like if people could accept that there are "non-communication times/zones," and to ask later if they need to ask something (and not take it as an insult).)

Also you can't be stimming too much or spacing out on the ceiling or anything else odd while they're there. Straight-jacket mode becomes necessary.

Exactly.. if you're too overwhelmed, or if you need time alone and can't handle talking to them at some point in time, they're going to be pissed at you for it later. You're supposed to be completely able to communicate with everyone around you, all the time. It sucks.
The other thing is that since people usually take as an insult if you don't want to communicate with them at a certain time, does that mean you should take it as an insult if you get that from an NT? If to them, not wanting to talk right now is something insulting, than if they don't want to talk to you, they must mean it as an insult, right? How do you know if they do or not???



leschevalsroses
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17 Dec 2009, 7:33 pm

Christophe wrote:
Being in the army and crammed into tents where we have to share a lot of our space while deployed is driving me insane!! It makes me feel trapped, I get jumpy, and easily irritated. It just doesn't feel right for some reason.


God I can't imagine that. I would never be able to do it. Sleeping around other people freaks me out.



leschevalsroses
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17 Dec 2009, 7:38 pm

Spokane_Girl wrote:
Ten feet away is invading your personal space? Geez.

I don't like it when I have my own personal space and then someone invades it by standing too close to me and they are right next to me. That's why I don't like getting affection. That's why I always push people off when they hug me without asking.

But however I have no problems with it out in public because it's expected. I have no personal space. It's at home that it becomes an issue. I feel overwhelmed and feel like screaming because I feel my personal space is being invaded. I also don't like it when people get near me when I am on the computer and that is anywhere.

I also don't like it when I am on the bus or train and then someone sits right next to me when there are empty seats. That's why I don't sit next to anyone when there are empty seats. I assume they wouldn't like it either. But usually no one does that to me unless the bus or train is crowded and I am expecting it then so I'm okay. I have moved to other seats before in the past because my personal space was being invaded. geez, whatever happened to the rule about standing an arm length away? Does that not apply to sitting? I'm talking about when the bus or train wasn't packed and there were lot of empty seats.


Hehe yeah. Oddly enough, I don't have much of a problem when I'm in a public place. Except grocery stores, they drive me crazy. But I quite like being on a packed street where I'm just part of the crowd. I think it makes me feel more alone....

The empty seats thing annoys me too. I can't stand when people do that. I had a class this semester where halfway through a guy started sitting right next to me in my little corner where before I was all alone. He had a cold for the longest time and would always be sniffling away. It drove me nuts.