Telling a family member to back off a little bit

Post Reply New Topic

Thank you so much for advice and I feel the same way about the boundaries. Honestly, she set a bunch of extreme ones at her house and I couldn't stand them. For instance, she told me that I was following her around like a puppy or often whined about wanting space herself. It's funny how her mind works, and it seems like it's okay to tell me not to invade her space or say things like to get over it or myself. However, if I tell her those kinds of things, it's a sin. I also will agree that not every time will be a good time for or for her for that matter.

my dad pulled a similar stunt yesterday! He asked about some lady who called my number two days ago about a packet of forms that were signed by my worker and sent off WEEKS ago. THEN, he proceeds to text me questions asking if this lady asked me about my health, job and so on. He had his chance whenI got this paperwork to answer these questions himself or with me there and he said no! I CAN'T STAND WHEN HE PULLS THIS SH*T BECAUSE HE ALMOST ALWAYS DOES IT!!

It sounds like you ran into difficulties last time you lived alone so your aunt may be worried something similar will happen and you won't manage this time. Maybe it would be worth having one long chat with her where you give her the opportunity to tell you any concerns she has and negotiate between you what might be considered 'warning signs' that you are not coping in any area she mentions, which would trigger her questioning you and getting more involved. You could then agree that in the absence of any such signs she limits her involvement to, say, once a week. If she tries to contact you more frequently you could then refer her back to that conversation and point out that she agreed to contact you less as you are coping.

You may decide this is more power than you want to give her, and that is your perogative. I just make the suggestion as it seems that you have had a good relationship in the past and if you can give her the opportunity to explain herself and get her to mutually agree boundaries you may have more success than imposing them unilaterally.

Is she financially supporting you? Your posts don't make that clear. If she is, then you don't have much say. If she isn't then:

1. Change the locks. You can give a spare to a friend or other relative, but not to her. It is wrong of her to just come barging in uninvited any time she wants.

2. Get an answering machine, and only answer or return her calls when you feel up to it.

3. Tell her she can bring over anything she wants, and leave it outside the door, but if you don't want it, you will sell it or donate it.

4. If you are willing to maintain some contact with her, then pick one day a week when you can go visit her. Since she is not respecting you in your own home right now, it's best to not have her over for now. Tell Auntie that from now on you will be visiting her on that one day a week, but that she is not to come over to your place, as her visits are just too stressful.

5. Do some research to find some local activities for older adults and make a list of them. Then tell your Aunt that she seems to have too much free time, which is causing her to spend too much time fussing over you. Then tell your Aunt that you have some great alternative activities for her, and give her this list.

6. If you find that none of the above items helps, and that you are unable to stand up to her, you really should consider moving to a new address, and not giving her your new address. Just call her once a week from the new address.

My Mom's like that. I figured out it's because she's scared for me. Could be the same with your aunt, I don't know. But I suggest enjoying it while it lasts. Some people have no one in their lives that cares a fig about their welfare. I suggest that you try to find ways of coping with her behaviour. You can't change what other people do, but you can change how you handle it. And I'm assuming you want to keep her as a part of your life.

Has anybody tried counseling to address individuation of adult children with High-Functioning Autism (HFA)?

Psychology Today has an online directory of therapists; a directory that is categorized to help in locating therapists experienced with counseling of families with adult children, and Autism Spectrum Disorders.

This is a necrobumped thread. The user has not posted on WP since 2011.

This is a necrobumped thread. The user has not posted on WP since 2011.