She treats me like I am unintelligent

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Withdrawn
Deinonychus
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25 Jan 2010, 1:43 am

mgran wrote:
Hi Withdrawn, I had no idea that English wasn't your first language! Even your use of the subjunctive (she treats me as though I were unintelligent) though old fashioned in modern English isn't incorrect. I take it in Sweden you learn English from primary school? You write it very well.

Please let us know what happens with your letter. I've been thinking about you, and wishing you well. (Actually, I'll admit it, I've prayed for you... I don't want to offend the non religious, and I certainly don't want to offend you with my beliefs, but it's all I can do from here.)

Anyway, please keep us updated, and also, bear in mind that whatever your teacher thinks, there are plenty of people here who think very highly of you. I'm impressed with your courage in confronting this issue, and your honesty. So, best wishes, and I'm sure everyone on this thread is united in wishing you the best.


Hi Mgran.

Thanks a lot! You are truly nice.
Yes, I'll keep you updated. First I intend to see if she has transformed, and if there is something I can do to make her change her way to handle me.
If not, I'll send a letter for her.



FreeSpirit2000
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26 Jan 2010, 10:33 pm

Withdrawn wrote:
mgran wrote:
Hi Withdrawn, I had no idea that English wasn't your first language! Even your use of the subjunctive (she treats me as though I were unintelligent) though old fashioned in modern English isn't incorrect. I take it in Sweden you learn English from primary school? You write it very well.

Please let us know what happens with your letter. I've been thinking about you, and wishing you well. (Actually, I'll admit it, I've prayed for you... I don't want to offend the non religious, and I certainly don't want to offend you with my beliefs, but it's all I can do from here.)

Anyway, please keep us updated, and also, bear in mind that whatever your teacher thinks, there are plenty of people here who think very highly of you. I'm impressed with your courage in confronting this issue, and your honesty. So, best wishes, and I'm sure everyone on this thread is united in wishing you the best.


Hi Mgran.

Thanks a lot! You are truly nice.
Yes, I'll keep you updated. First I intend to see if she has transformed, and if there is something I can do to make her change her way to handle me.
If not, I'll send a letter for her.


About your situations, just use critical thinking and read the social cues when you communicate with your teacher. Also, don't give your teachers attitudes and always stay calm when you are talk to your teacher too, so you won't get in trouble. Just tell her how you feel in a truthful, calm and well mannered format and she/he will eventually understand.



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Deinonychus
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28 Jan 2010, 11:41 am

I had a lesson with the teacher today.
She still deals with me as I cannot do anything by myself, but today I choose not to let her help me with things, just to prove that I actually am able to do it. She came many times and asked: "Do you need some help?"
I am not sure yet if the right thing is to write a letter for her. I'll wait and see.



MomAtSchool
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28 Jan 2010, 11:59 am

Hi Withdrawn,

I am sorry the problem is continuing. I think part of the problem is in how staff are taught about autism. I am a support provider, and in our school it is almost as if autism were a new thing! The few teachers I have worked with that are truly interested in supporting these students, and are effective, get to know the student him/herself. I think when we attend seminars or trainings, what we are taught really applies more to helping young children, as opposed to young adults. Then the teachers feel they are being supportive when they act this way toward you. I think it is that your teacher may be trying too hard. And to you this feels like she thinks you cannot do things that you are really able to do.

On the positive side, this means she is trying to make sure you are learning! And that she is willing to learn about how to help you specifically. If you are comfortable doing so, approach her and say, "Thank you for trying to help me. I believe I do not need quite so much help. Here are some things I do need help with, and this is how you can help me..." If you are not comfortable talking to her so directly, explain how you feel with a parent, or as others have suggested, email your teacher.

I hope this helps a little!



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04 Feb 2010, 3:31 pm

Thank you for you answer, MomAtSchool.

I think I have to get used to her.
I consider she's scary.
Today she started laughing at me because I did wrong when I knitted.
She said: "May I laugh a little bit?" Idiotic! :cry: ...
She also laughs if I behave strangely, and today as I knitted - I did in another way, that I was used to, and she thought it was so funny that I had problems with changing my knitting way.
When I was sitting in the classroom, alone, she came three times and knacked at the door every time though it was open! Just to make me aware of her.
It feels insulting and I get sad when she is doing like this.

My other teachers are lovely. They talk to me, in a way that I understand, without being too clear.
Although I have Asperger's, they treat me as a real human being! They think I'm smart, clever and they do not get angry at me even if I misunderstand them. Sometimes I don't answer, and then they just say their sentences again, but in a different way.
They understand if I choose to avoid things. They praise me often, and they never say that I'm bad at something.
But this teacher, that this thread is all about, make me feel trashy and worthless.



Last edited by Withdrawn on 05 Feb 2010, 10:37 am, edited 1 time in total.

Etular
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04 Feb 2010, 4:36 pm

Is there no possibility of going to parents or another teacher, letting them know about this problem, then asking them for guidance? Maybe another teacher could convince this teacher of their somewhat belittling ways or change this teacher's mind/opinions of you? Just a thought.



mgran
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04 Feb 2010, 6:44 pm

Hi Withdrawn.

Today I went into my son's school for a meeting, and spoke with his head of year, his form tutor, and various support staff. I told them various issues he's been going through with other kids, and they were very supportive, but what is really interesting is how supportive they were when I told them what was going on with another teacher.

My son is a gifted linguist, and speaks several languages reasonably well. His French teacher for some reason doesn't like him, despite the fact that he's by far the best student in the class, and apparently she's always making him feel uncomfortable. So, for example, he might come out with a perfectly correct sentence in French, far beyond the standard of the other kids, and she'll make a comment because he stutters, or because he speaks French with an accent.

For example, he said in French that he didn't like Paris on the school trip much, because the waiters were rude about the English. She laughed at his accent in front of the other children, who hadn't understood him. They then started teasing him saying he couldn't really speak French, and was making it up to show off. She didn't correct them. I know for a fact that my son's near fluent in his speech, and can read a newspaper in French reasonably easily (though he prefers Tintin and Asterix.

Anyway, yesterday my son was given detention in French, because he lost his pen. He's been diagnosed with dyspraxia and it has been explained to the teachers that this can manifest as executive disfunction. The teachers always have pens to lend pupils, and it's unheard of for a child to get detention over such a little thing... particularly when they're on the Special Education Needs register.

My son told the teacher he was sorry he lost his pen, and asked if he could have one. She snapped at him in front of the class, told him to stop making excuses etc. He had to do a lunchtime detention.

I told my son's teachers today about this, and every single one of them was astonished that he'd been given detention, and annoyed by her teasing of him in front of the class. The teacher concerned is now having to face disciplinary action.

So... here is my conclusion for you:

TELL SOMEONE WHAT IS GOING ON.

People on the spectrum often put up with things they don't have to, because they're not sure what's normal or acceptable.

IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE FOR HER TO LAUGH AT YOU.
IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE FOR HER TO TALK DOWN TO YOU.

If she was doing this to someone else you'd have the courage to stand up and say something... so be brave for yourself.

YOU DESERVE BETTER.



MomAtSchool
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05 Feb 2010, 9:36 am

I agree with mgran, It is certainly time to tell some one what is happening. It may just need to be brought to the teacher's attention by someone who can help you advocate for yourself, or be a mediator in the situation. Please find someone (a school counselor, parent or such) that you trust to talk to about this and help you talk to this teacher.



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Deinonychus
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05 Feb 2010, 9:54 am

Etular wrote:
Is there no possibility of going to parents or another teacher, letting them know about this problem, then asking them for guidance? Maybe another teacher could convince this teacher of their somewhat belittling ways or change this teacher's mind/opinions of you? Just a thought.

Thank you for your answer.
I'm very fearful indeed. I cannot tell anyone, I don't even dare to say more than a few words.
My mum is in contact with this teacher, and I've heard how nice and clever she thinks the teacher is.
I think the teacher just tries to help me, but she does it in a totally wrong way.
I am also afraid of her reaction if I would tell somebody that I dislike her. Maybe she would treat me even worse ... or try to make me perplexed on purpose. :?



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Deinonychus
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05 Feb 2010, 10:10 am

mgran Sorry about your son - bad style of the teacher to be such a jerk.
Thank you for answering.
I'll try take courage.

MomAtSchool I'm scared, but I'll try to tell someone I trust.


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Etular
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05 Feb 2010, 12:10 pm

Withdrawn wrote:
Thank you for your answer.
I'm very fearful indeed. I cannot tell anyone, I don't even dare to say more than a few words.
My mum is in contact with this teacher, and I've heard how nice and clever she thinks the teacher is.
I think the teacher just tries to help me, but she does it in a totally wrong way.
I am also afraid of her reaction if I would tell somebody that I dislike her. Maybe she would treat me even worse ... or try to make me perplexed on purpose. :?


In which case, my advice is worrying. Quite honestly, you need to find a way to say it just right so that, if the other teacher heard about it, they wouldn't be angered but so well that your point actually gets across. It appears this teacher seems to be trying too hard to look after you that she is, more or less, coddling you and speaking to you in a rather basic manner because she considers that to be "casual" and non-intimidating... I have no idea, myself. Although I have formerly met such teachers, they either notice the first few hints and/or are only one-lesson supply teachers...

If your mum is in contact with the teacher, I suggest you see her first. Write down and explain to her the whole situation, but request that under any circumstances she must not share the information with the teacher. Then, ask her what she would've done.

Basically, the main stereotype when people think of "Autism" (in my mind) is Forrest Gump (EDIT: Assuming that the person knows nothing or very little about Autism, they would think Forrest Gump). In an example of Autism, my teacher showed my class that video and that image has stuck in my friend's heads ever since... Hence, my friends look at me more or less as a basic simpleton... Therefore, assume that your teacher thinks of you as the main character out of the film "Forrest Gump" and you need to prove her otherwise. One way or another, with that thought, that I assume your teacher must be thinking, in your head, hopefully and answer will come to you.



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05 Feb 2010, 4:46 pm

I'd also tell the teacher to f**k off, and this is coming from someone with a decent role model. :twisted:


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neves
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07 Feb 2010, 2:32 pm

Withdrawn wrote:
She talks slowly and points at these things she is talking about. I feel embarrassed when she's talking to me in that way when my classmates watch. In fact I'm quite intelligent, and I hate how she treats me.


Lene wrote:
Maybe if you went up and were really diplomatic, you could end this without hurting anybody's feelings.



Hi Lina! First off, let me tell you that your English is spectacular! For a thirteen-year-old Swede... Pff. I know the Scandinavians are good with languages, but this!

I can understand that something like this is very hurtful, and also that a lot of people with Asperger's deal with this special type of treatment at some point in their lives. Personally, I feel that, indeed, many teachers (and God knows those here in the Netherlands) know next to nothing about syndromes like this. They've probably heard about classic autism, but don't know that people with Asperger's often are very bright and quick thinkers. It might throw them for a loop a bit, because you're not displaying those classical autistic signs, and they don't know what to do next.

One thing you can do, like Lene said, is approach this in a diplomatic and straightforward way. After class, go to your teacher and tell her that you appreciate her effort to help you, but that treating you as if you were slower is not helping you at all, rather it's stopping you in your tracks, and embarrassing you in front of other students. Explain to her, for example, that you might need some extra time to adjust to new situations. If you show her that you're capable of telling her that, she might let lose on that 'talking to you like you're stupid' thing and approach you more politely. If that doesn't help, you can always go to your parents and ask them to sit down together with you and her.

I hope you find a way to change her mind. Good luck!



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09 Feb 2010, 5:03 pm

neves wrote:
Hi Lina! First off, let me tell you that your English is spectacular! For a thirteen-year-old Swede... Pff. I know the Scandinavians are good with languages, but this!

I can understand that something like this is very hurtful, and also that a lot of people with Asperger's deal with this special type of treatment at some point in their lives. Personally, I feel that, indeed, many teachers (and God knows those here in the Netherlands) know next to nothing about syndromes like this. They've probably heard about classic autism, but don't know that people with Asperger's often are very bright and quick thinkers. It might throw them for a loop a bit, because you're not displaying those classical autistic signs, and they don't know what to do next.

One thing you can do, like Lene said, is approach this in a diplomatic and straightforward way. After class, go to your teacher and tell her that you appreciate her effort to help you, but that treating you as if you were slower is not helping you at all, rather it's stopping you in your tracks, and embarrassing you in front of other students. Explain to her, for example, that you might need some extra time to adjust to new situations. If you show her that you're capable of telling her that, she might let lose on that 'talking to you like you're stupid' thing and approach you more politely. If that doesn't help, you can always go to your parents and ask them to sit down together with you and her.

I hope you find a way to change her mind. Good luck!


Hi, neves, and a big thank-you. :)

I wonder why teachers think it's right of them to handle others like this. Maybe that's just their manner of being supportive.
I dislike when people have preconceptions, especially when it lowers one's confidence.
I am inexpressive, and I seem to be unable to understand things. Of course she deals with me in this way because of that. Because I seem like a foolish kid. :( My coordination is bad, and that makes my look unhandy and clumsy. My voice is tiny. I'm unable to choose among options.
I get puzzled when I have to try new things. This teacher hasn't seen any of my good sides yet, only the bad ones.
If I told her about this, I guess she'd say: 'But you need to have it like this' or 'You have Asperger's and that means you need clearness and succour'. In fact, it wouldn't surprised me at all. I heard when she was talking to a boy, and she said: 'If you get angry with others like this, there is something wrong in your body' and things like that.
I'm scared. :cry:
On Thursday, I will try saying something to her.
I'm very grateful for your advice.


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neves
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11 Feb 2010, 4:04 pm

Withdrawn wrote:
If I told her about this, I guess she'd say: 'But you need to have it like this' or 'You have Asperger's and that means you need clearness and succour'.


Well, on that front, there is an enormous difference between speaking clearly and speaking normally while explaining something clearly so that you can understand what she means, right?

I am so curious what comes out of this!