Do you find neurotypicals rather confusing sometimes

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Naturally, I'm not a talkative person. I most often want to be short, and to the point. I think being clear and concise is more important than sounding sweet or eloquent.

Sometimes I wonder if people have made up their minds that everything I say is useless or stupid and then they don't try to figure out what I've said. I know I'm not the best speaker and I can be very long and winding sometimes, but if people actually put some effort into their listening, (like a fraction of the effort they put into their needless smalltalk), they could perfectly ascertain what I intended to say.

It becomes confusing. Either what I say is too short and incomplete, or it's too long and meandering.

I don't know the sweet spot in communicating. I'm amazed at how some people can talk for hours about nothing and still make it sound good, and some people can explain a complicated thing in just a few seconds. I'm using the try-and-see how they respond method. Many times, people respond in a negative way, as what I've said apparently meant something completely different than what I had intended it to be.

Aw, Natesmom, I feel your pain. Been there! I think you need to get away from the grind for a week (even 3 or 4 days) so that you are able to relax enough to think about it with an unscrambled brain. Go somewhere laid back and plan on doing nothing much but rest and "veg" so you can decompress. Do NOT bring anyone that will keep you from doing this! Make other arrangements for them. By the end of your trip you'll be able to see things clearly and know what to do again. It always works for me.

Aw, Natesmom, I feel your pain. Been there! I think you need to get away from the grind for a week (even 3 or 4 days) so that you are able to relax enough to think about it with an unscrambled brain. Go somewhere laid back and plan on doing nothing much but rest and "veg" so you can decompress. Do NOT bring anyone that will keep you from doing this! Make other arrangements for them. By the end of your trip you'll be able to see things clearly and know what to do again. It always works for me.

Well, yes/

The failure to comprehend is mutual.

Thing is, I don't have the right to say they are weird, it would seem.

sometimes being the operative word

I wonder sometimes if there is such a thing as "neuro-typical", at all...

What I find to be rather confusing about NTs is WHY they act the way they act. I've gotten better at predicting how they'll act over the past few years, but I still don't understand why they act that way.

Not making specifics here......this applies to anybody......

1.But I hate gossip.......or meaningless, malignant, unsupported discussion about people when they are not there to defend themselves. I do not care about celebrities lives unless they have something interesting to say.......and the more obscure the better......

2. Small talk.......I prefer silence to meaningless drivel.

3. Borrowing things and not returning them.......or not looking after them while they are in their care.

4. Saying things they don't mean to illicit support.......or being overly emotional and not doing anything to help themselves(THAT is frightening ) .

Mics

Ugh, I know what you mean. Both my mom and my grandma have the ability to talk nonstop for hours on end, and yet everyone they're talking to appears to be interested or at least gives them the courtesy of following along and pretending to care. But when I say one quick thing people just smile nervously and look confused, or interrupt me. I don't get it!


I feel like that's the thing though, that most people don't really think hard about what they say or what they hear and that it just comes naturally, so maybe when I say something that isn't what they're used to hearing or doesn't flow normally or whatever that it messes up their whole thought process? Or something like that?

Um, not all NT females talk about that. Some do, but none of my female friends are like that. Most of my friends are men, but there are a number of women in the group and I've never heard any of them talk about that sort of thing. We tend to talk about the same things the guys do -- politics, work, what movies we should see, what we should do next weekend, etc.

I do find NTs confusing. My marriage isn't always a bundle of laughs, as we confuse each other. I hang out with exclusively NTs (not by choice, just never met any other adults with AS or autism) and they confuse the heck out of me half the time!

Some people posting seem to think that people with Aspergers symptoms have the same symptoms period.

I get stuck on--have laser like focus about--whatever I have finally (because of ADD perhaps) focused on and that can include talking. When I was working, I might work without food or drink or using the toilet, but I can also talk for hours without food or drink or using the toilet (and if I did that at work, of course I'd work for hours to make up for it, which is not something my NT co-workers seemed to do and for that reason I was often told that I produced the work of three people).

What I can't do (or have spent 50 years learning to do) is make small talk or read people. So if I start talking, I have trouble picking up the cues that say, "Shut up; I want to be done with this conversation." And because I can talk about anything of interest with honesty, including difficult topics, NTs often reveal deep secrets from me upon meeting me (Ah... finally someone who will listen to them) and then shy away later because their secret is out. Out where? Like I'm going to go around and gossip about their life's traumas?

In novel work and social situations, I have a "get out of jail free card" as someone with Aspergers because I am generally affable even if I can't do small talk. It is only with a little time that I get the "weird" label, and get it I almost always do except for others who might have Aspergers and a capability for in depth discussion of non-superficial topics. Although some people with Aspergers have a narrow range of interest, some of us have a broad range of interest and find self reflection helpful, including talking about what we learn about the human species with others. (After all, what is this site about?)

I think Nate's Mom might actually fit right in with the rest of us (I think everything is on a continuum of sorts anyway). The inability to read others seems to be a relatively common theme and might be a clue to that.

This has already been stated, but I find the inability of most NTs to state their truth (and leave it to whomever to either take it in and make use of it or throw it in a waste basket) and the incessant social dances around even the possibility of truth telling to be crazy making. And if I stop being me, and stating my truth, and try to draw a boundary, I get slapped for it. They tend to expect my truth telling shop to be open 24 hours even as they shy away from speaking the truth themselves.

As a skilled mediator and a crisis counselor, I learned techniques (delivered with great care) that helped me help NTs talk, but I find that the same skills in social situations appear to be very much unappreciated because avoidance seems to be the way of life for most NTs that I know. Life seems to be all about protecting one's ego, one's delusions, rather than opening up to possibility.

And they say that we folk with Aspergers don't like change.

Yeah, I like (basically need) my dishwasher to be filled the same way each time, yes, I like people to say what they mean and mean what they say, yes, I expect people to follow through on promises, yes, I could eat yogurt every day for breakfast for the rest of my life. But that doesn't mean I am closed to change or working with people. The NTs I know, while saying they are open, seem far more interested in defending their perceptions of the world than expanding them. I find that weird, very weird.

Try ALL the time. But hey, they don't understand me either. I try not to be too hard on them for it.

I don't find them confusing. I find them confining. I don't really feel free around them. I feel more free around the friends that I've made at Stepping Stones.

Me either. But what I find most confusing is how unreasonable they are. I mean, they seem to do things just because other people do it, instead of seeking information. Like most people say this, so this must be true.

Not NT specific for me... I've met a few people with Asperger's that were just as confusing as anyone else. We either had different interests, or different ways of expressing ourselves, or were uneasy with different things. While I understood a little bit, I still had no freakin clue what they were talking about, or why something bothered them, etc.

I understood them absolutely no better than a total stranger asking me how I'm doing.