My fiance and I suspect he may have AS.

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Hello everyone! I'm brand new to WP! Here's my story!

Just recently my fiance and I had an interesting major event happen to us. Now I feel that it's important to say that he seemed perfectly normal to me before this happened, but now that we suspect he may have AS, I think he was just good at seeming "normal" and I had no reason to look for any signs of AS. We had a threesome. It was something the two of us had wanted for a very long time. We planned it out with someone we thought we could trust. Now the threesome itself was not the issue. It was everything leading up to it and everything after. I think the issue was just the girl we chose to share this experience with. At first she seemed very trustworthy to me, but my fiance just never seemed okay with it. And as it turned out, this girl was a really good liar. She was great at seeming like she cared and that she wasn't lying to us. Well this is where, if my fiance does indeed have AS, this all makes sense. I guess to him he was just massively confused because he really couldn't read her. He had no past experiences to base this new experience on so he kind of freaked out, especially since she really was just a great liar. Mind you, we weren't suspecting AS at this point...

So when all those events played out, I had no idea how to handle it. To me, all of his issues and feelings were completely coming out of no where. I got very upset and angry at first because, to me, the way he was reacting didn't make any sense at all. I'm, generally, a very happy person and I have quite a few people in my family who are manic depressive, so I've learned to be very aware of others and my emotions. So when he started expressing all these strange issues he was having, I insisted that he go to therapy. He then said that he was "too smart for therapy" and how he was certain it wouldn't work for him. This only drove me more insane. I actually thought he might be a sociopath. He seemed selfish, very non-sympathetic and incredibly un-trusting at times. So we started doing some research on the subject only to find that there were some major holes in our theory. For one thing, Sociopathy is chiefly characterized by something wrong with the person's conscience, and his conscience is just fine and dandy as far as we're concerned. And there were just too many other common traits that go along with it that he just didn't have.

So we were back to Google to search for answers. And very quickly he stumbled upon an essay written by someone with AS. And all of a sudden EVERYTHING made sense to us. He described it as almost being scary when he could relate to almost everything in the essay. Here is a link to the essay:

(wouldn't let me post the link because I'm a newbie. send me a message if you would like to read it)

So now we agree that he should see a psychologist because, as strangely alike his traits are to AS, we just don't think it's a good idea to treat it like it's AS until we're certain.

As far as we go now? If this is AS, I think I'll almost be glad, just because we want to know what this is. But at the same time, I don't want him to feel alienated. He's already comparing himself to robots. He already has trouble keeping friends because the people he has the easiest time relating to are truly selfish people. Ever since he read that essay we've been discussing the differences in how we think and have memories. He actually said that he didn't even realize he had a different thought process than most people until he read the essay.

So that's where we are right now. Any insight from anyone who has AS or has a partner with AS would be amazing and helpful. TYVM!

Common psychologists don't normally know much about AS. You'll probably want to see a neuropsychologist. Even then their knowledge is often limited to what they read in the diagnosis manual, which is mostly assumptions based on what some NTs (neurotypicals = non-autistic persons) saw from the outside and trying to explain it from their own thinking style.

The main things I think are difficulty with body language and social processing, obsessiveness, anxiety when faced with unexpected situations. On the positive side are hyperfocus and good memory, and an alternate point of view due to our outsider status.

If you want to know more about what it's like to have AS, or how to live with it... these forums are probably your best bet.